How would you handle a mil who patronised you & talked over you

[thegardener]

Mil will say patronising things, she basically likes the sound of her own voice and talks over me. It makes me feel angry but worse of all it makes me feel like i'm losing my confidence and self esteem when they're around.

They have always been overbearing and difficult but today with them has been quite hard to handle.

Mil is due to go back to supply teaching next week, could i be picking up on her nerves/classroom manner??

What would you do??

My MIL is also a teacher and is exactly the same. i think it is becuase she has spent 40 years in a classroom and is used to talking over children and parents deferring to her.My Dh ended up having a quiet word with her - much more tactful than me exploding....... has worked for now. Good luck!!!

Ignore her and be glad your not like that - she sounds like a PITA. As NoMoreGuiltTrips says, maybe get your DH to have a quiet word.

When dh has had to say something to mil in the past re the way she's carrying on she has been very defensive and hardly spoke to me last time...blissyes maybe that is the way forward.

I do try and ignore her but she really is overbearing, her & fil seem to take it in turns in being a PITA.

Dh is going to have a word with her after showing him this thread, thank you for your support

This is another approach I treid with a bossy mum from school who was like this with me - I watied until we are out one night and she had had a couple of drinks and I said 'I appear to irritate you - could you tell me what the problem is' and then when she outlined it I felt I had the opportunity to stand my ground back and state my (rehearsed) case in return. It worked then, as I was ruthlessly non inflammatory. I know it may not be appropriate here, but am trying to bolster you a bit.

I smile and agree with my MIL.

Then do exactly what I wanted in the first place

I would do what Wallace does

After pil had gone we all went to a local beer garden for a quick drink, that seemed to help

Now after thinking about how difficult it has been in the past over talking about stuff like this - dh once said pil were being overbearing... I'm wondering if it is best to smile & ignore her & do your own thing like walace suggested.

It's just every time we see them it's either fil being a PITA with his stupid comments or mil and after the way mil was yesterday i felt really sad, but this is what they are like & i have to except that & cope the best i can with them - i'm finding sticking my v's up at them when i go out of the room strangely invigorating

Mil also has this tendency to see ohh after hearing something that i guess she doesn't approve of as it isn't said in a happy way, i also ignore this, do you think that's best too??

My MIL treats me like a moron. Latest has been her going on and on about solids, when ds was 3 weeks old (yep, weeks) she wanted me to put cereal in her bottle to help her 'sleep through the night and get enough to eat.' I was bf at the time so that was another issue - 'Is she getting enough to eat?'.
Now I just say 'Maybe you're right' and ignore her.
But it does take it out of me being around her, I've cut down the time I spend with PIL's and feel much better.

I mean dd...

Have you ever tried 'in law bingo'?? another way of sticking the Vs up, but even more fun. I make up a grid of the 20 things they say on every visit on a piece of paper (like ' they have too many toys', 'you must watch our son's diet better' etc etc etc). If they say all 20 on the first day, DH has to buy me champagne, by day 2 it goes down to a bottle of wine, by day 3 a gin and tonic. If they don't say all 20 by the end of the visit, I have to give him a BJ, and the whole thing is null and void if they either say any thing nice about me or the children or take their own coffee cup to the sink after they have drunk it. So far I have never lost!!!!!! And it makes the visit much less painful as DH and I keep smirking at each other.

oh i like it lol

If she persistently interrupted you when you were speaking, and it wasn't just utterly inane chit chat, I think I would say "Excuse me, I hadn't finished talking yet".

I would also ask dp to back me up by saying "Erm hold on a minute, mum, I was listening to what X was saying."

I do love MIL bingo. May try it with my mother.

do!!!! It makes visits fly by, because you're both eagerly waiting to see what happens next (eagerly and waiting - words never normally seen in the same sentence in relation to my ILs unless separated by the word 'not' )

" I have to give him a BJ"

are we in the 1940s?

oh come on fgs

Just a joke Cod, you don't have to bite at everything you know

i am a fish

your typing's improved

its the fish food

I once squirted my mil with the windscreen washers of the car while she was lecturing me as I was about to drive away. It was accidental of course but it gave me a childish thrill. She is very annoying and patronising and not the kind of person who would find it funny. I chuckled to myself all the way home in the car. I'm laughing now thinking about it and it was weeks ago.

long may it last. why do you have to crash on thread and be rude?

If it was the 1940s wouldn't it be "I have to make him a plate of scones"?

THANK YOU franny!!!!

I think mil was a bit annoyed because they weren't invited over on the day they wanted(fri)dh had booked week off, so don't mind seeing parents on sat/sun & when i suggested sat she tried to change it to fri, because she has a hair appointment first thing sat(but still had loads of time to do that & get to us - even arrived early at our house. Whilst they were here we were talking about our holiday and i said we had a lovely time and it was nice to spend some time together, mil said ohh stropily She did say later that it was nice that we were able to spend time together but why make such an issue after i had said that....