Posting for advice for a friend who recently left a 20-year marriage because of her husband's behaviour which he says is caused by his depression and mental health issues but which, to those of us who've seen their relationship over the years, seems also to have an element of coercive control.
When they married they were both in professional roles earning similar salaries. No children. A couple of years after marrying he stopped work for 18 months because of depression. It's not clear whether he decided he had depression or whether he was medically diagnosed: she took his word that he was clinically depressed and supported them both. From this point there has been a pattern: he gets a job and after a few months it's too stressful for him. He's off sick, he's eventually let go. He tries a period of self-employment (dog-walking, for which she bought him a van) or gardening (she paid for the hedge-trimmer, the lawnmower etc), he gets depressed and gives up. Sometimes he's on anti-depressants from the doctor, often-times he just spends a lot of money on therapy or well-being courses (money from their joint account). He goes back to work, it's all too much, he goes sick, he's let go, he does an MA (she pays), he takes up triathlon to improve his mental health and insists he needs a £5000 bike and a camper van for attending triathlon events... You get the picture. I think he probably does have mental health issues but I also think he has regarded her as his meal ticket for years. She is one of those sunny people to whom it never seems to have occurred that he might be exploiting her.
She left him 18 months ago and it seemed at first that it could all be amicable. They drew up an agreement with the help of a solicitor and she was probably ridiculously generous because she wanted to get away. Gave him most of the equity in their jointly-owned house, gave him most of the contents of the house because he argued so much about every detail. Gave him the car. Gave him the dog and the cat because he couldn't bear to be parted from them but she still pays all the vet bills and insurance and dog-walker fees because he's struggling to find work at the moment.
He's now on the attack with a shark of a solicitor demanding a massive cut of her pension and £50,000 cash she doesn't have. She's in her 50s and on a good salary but effectively starting from scratch having given him practically everything she owns. She's now feeling a complete fool, obviously.
I find it hard to know what to say or what to advise. Has anyone any experience of something similar?