Got myself into an awkward situaton... advice?

[Helpsituation]

So I bumped into a guy a few weeks ago and we got chatting, he asked for my number. We got on really well and its the first person i've been really attracted too since having my DD 2 years ago.

He asked to go out one evening and I automatically froze and said I can't because I'm working (I don't even work). I've since bumped into him again and he's asked where abouts I live and again automatically came out with 'oh in an apartment with my friend, then giving the location' (I don't I live with my DD ofc)

He's asked today if i'd like to meet up monday and I said I would let him know.

I can't meet him as I have my DD every evening but now i've said the above I don't know what to even reply, I can't continue to lie and its now going to look like i'm being rude and making excuses. But, if I say I've got a daughter he'll wonder why I lied.

Not justifying lying at all, but I rarely tell anyone I have a DD (i'm a student) because the university I attend has next to no single mums and I guess I feel like there is a stigma attached to it (and I feel like people end up looking down on me). Also, the past 2 people i've been 'dating' have both made it quite clear that they're not really into people who have kids, now I just automatically assume that people aren't going to be interested if I tell them.

I'm sure this isn't representative of the truth in all cases, but especially at my age where people are very much still into the drinking culture etc, people aren't so interested in settling for someone who's more tied down.

But anyhow, how would you appraoch this? (I should say also that we cross paths fairly regularly so I can't avoid him in any way, not that i'd want to)

If I were you I would just text him, apologise and say you felt under pressure and didn’t tell him the truth but actually you live in X with your daughter and if he still wanted a drink you’d be keen (and suggest a date when you can get a babysitter).

The worst he can say is no. If you carry on hiding the truth, he will eventually find out.

I agree, if you carry on like this he’ll think you’re not interested and stop trying so you may as well tell him the truth and take it from there.

He might surprise you, and any man who wouldn’t want to date you because you’re a single parent isn’t worth bothering with anyway.

Just tell him the truth.

You will never be prouder of anything or anyone than your child/ren so don’t turn it into something which clearly isn’t an issue or problem for you.

If he isn’t interested after this then you’ve not wasted your time or his.

I’d tell the truth about my daughter in a way that made me not look like a liar!

E.g., sorry I can’t make Monday night after all. I’ve actually got a baby daughter so getting a sitter isn’t easy and any night I’m lucky enough to get one I really have to work to pay the bills now that my flat mate has given her notice. I’d love to go out with you but with a young child I’m sure you understand it would probably be too difficult.

That way you’ve covered work (It could be online surveys, I do them, see the ten pounds a day thread), the non existent flat mate, and the daughter. And dont look like a liar.

You should be proud if your child. Plenty can’t have babies. You have a little blessing. Even if it’s making your life complicated. It’s great that you are completing your education. I hope you get a fab job and all goes well. Be proud of yourself. You’re doing great.

@Elieza

That sounds like a good idea!

Thank you very much! the thing is i'm so proud of her and she absolutely comes before anyone, it's just the stigma within my age group that makes me feel a bit insecure around metioning it. And obsiouly its a shame when you meet someone you do really click with, but we'll see what happens i suppose!

Honestly, if he declines because you have a child, then he’s not worth the bother anyway

Yes - a good man will not be deterred by your lovely 'baggage.'

If he's not interested in someone with a kid then he's really not right for you is he?

Be honest, admit you were flustered and would like to see him if he's still interested. Let him know Mondays a problem because you have a daughter and can't get childcare, suggest an alternate. He may be ok with it he may not. If he isn't it doesn't make him a dick or a bad person just someone looking for something different and perhaps looking for someone without ties. Remember he asked you so there's something he finds attractive there so even if he doesn't want to pursue a relationship someone will.

I wouldn't say baby but would say young child as she is 2.
You lied but you were flustered, it was a white lie. Say it in a text, it will be easier and it will get it out in the open.

He probably won't be put off. If he is, as pp said, he is not for you.

Don’t be ashamed of that fact your a single mother!

Tell him, if He’s put off, forget him and continue looking after your DD and study hard!

it's just the stigma within my age group that makes me feel a bit insecure around mentioning it.

You have a DD, own it! If people have difficulties with that, then that’s their problem. You got into your current mess by not being honest and if you don’t want to repeat that mistake, then you have to think an act differently.

You say you’re proud of your daughter, by hiding her existence, that’s not what you’re communicating.

You lied twice thats a red flag. Just move on and block his number. In future remember you dont have to say anything you dont want to say he isnt the police on an investigation interview.. and even then you can say no comment. You have a third choice between yes and no and that is i dont want to say im not comfortable with this id rather not talk about iy, im not surei need to check etc

But when you're dating it's not just about turning yourself into something that you think he'll like, it's about finding somebody that suits YOU too! So obviously you need someone who likes the idea of someone with a child, best to find out early if it's not him.

Before messaging him...can you get a babysitter and go on the Monday date? No need to tell him anything until you’ve had one date. Go on the first date, see if you like him! If you don’t like him then you don’t need to tell him anything. If you go on the date and like him then you can say “thanks so much for last night. I had a great time and I’d love to see you again. Before that I must tell you I have a little daughter. I’m extremely private so I don’t tell people about my daughter until I’ve got to know them. Would you like to go out again one evening?”

You need to tell him either now or on the first date, if you can arrange one.

It might put him off, but it's only a date and you might not hit it off anyway.

Hi The lesson here is to always be honest - family, especially kids, are always a number one, and your needs come second. If you are told up front they don't like / want kids or date someone who has one you have to walk away. Someone who truly likes you, and is keen , like this one seems will eventually find out the web of lies and will walk away. There will never be trust.

Do not date this man, OP. His behaviour is verging on creepy/stalkerish.

You got flustered and made an error of judgement. You really do not owe him anything.

There is a lot of self-doubt in your post. Which is indicative you have strong, empathic traits.

I wouldn't even bother responding tbh. Block him.

He will attempt to find you. So if he does 'door step you, then a cool, 'I'm not interested, thank you'. If he persists warn him with police. If he doesnt get it, call them immediately.

Blimey. I don't see stalker or creep. I see a young man trying to ask a young woman out.
Message him. " I should have told you I have a child. Very happy to meet for a drink should you still want to."
He isnt a dick if he doesn't want to, if he does well fab.

Hes very persistent...

He's asked her out twice in the space of a few weeks. How is that persistent?

Judging from what OP has said, its quite a leap to say he is a dangerous stalker who will certainly show up on her doorstep uninvited and make a nuisance of himself.

Its three times actually. And the OP hasn't exactly been over him.like a rash. Someone is not taking a hint.

Hes persistent, as I've said.