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Original poster

What would you do about this? **trigger warning**

23 replies

kabdoochelsea6 · 31/01/2020 15:23

I've namechanged as could be outing.

My grandson (15) told my son that someone touched him in a sexual way. My son was going to report it but my other grandson spoke to him and he admitted he lied. We spoke to him how he could've got the person into trouble but he said he doesn't care.

What should we do about it? Can we have some advice please?

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 31/01/2020 15:24

I think this is something that still needs investigating. It’s hard to accuse a family member.

Phone the NSPCC for advice or speak to the school safeguarding lead.

PurpleDaisies · 31/01/2020 15:24

Sorry, not accuse a family member. It’s hard to make an allegation of abuse.

PurpleDaisies · 31/01/2020 15:26

We spoke to him how he could've got the person into trouble but he said he doesn't care.

When the conversation happened, did you give him chance to say whether he had actually been hurt or not, or did you go in all guns blazing that the allegations would have got an innocent person in trouble?

I’m not sure you’ve done the right thing here.

Original poster
kabdoochelsea6 · 31/01/2020 15:28

He didn't accuse a family member.

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 31/01/2020 15:29

I corrected that in my second post.

pinkyredrose · 31/01/2020 15:30

Who did he accuse, a teacher?

Nothing2doooooo · 31/01/2020 15:34

For someone (15) to accuse someone of abuse randomly seems rather strange. Unless he's prone to doing such things or he hates that person for some reason, I get the sense he has shut down (due to being talked to by your other grandson and everyone else's reaction). It seems to me he no longer wants to talk about it and prefers to say it's a lie.

EvilPea · 31/01/2020 15:37

I told someone about my childhood abuse about that age. I then utterly shit myself about the can of worms I’d opened and told them to forget it.

Either are possible.

Original poster
kabdoochelsea6 · 31/01/2020 15:38

He told my son he lied and then we told him how the person could've been in alot of trouble. He did used to lie alot about people from school hitting him when they didn't. And he lied about a boy bullying granddaughter when he wasn't.

OP posts:
Original poster
kabdoochelsea6 · 31/01/2020 15:39

No it wasn't a teacher

OP posts:
Nothing2doooooo · 31/01/2020 15:43

Hmm..worrying though, that type of behaviour. Something does seem to be going on mentally, I'm afraid. Abuse or not.

He might need to have a gentle talkto find out why he does such things, although I think at 15, might be a bit late but nothing is impossible.

Such behaviour could land him in serious trouble as an adult and he needs help with it ...like yesterday.

Original poster
kabdoochelsea6 · 31/01/2020 15:52

We will talk to him again. He also lied about a girl being his girlfriend. We did believe him though so we didn't accuse him of lying.

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 31/01/2020 15:52

You’re not at all concerned you might have totally shut down a child who was telling the truth but afraid to pursue it?

Nothing2doooooo · 31/01/2020 15:56

Look up Pathological lying. Sounds like it's what he's doing....but there usually a reason for that. Something at the root of it. That's the problem, getting to it.

Mumbassa · 31/01/2020 15:58

I’d be concerned that something has happened and he felt that he had to say it didn’t.

Jomarchsburntskirt · 31/01/2020 15:59

He’s probably not lying about the abuse, he’s probably lying about saying he made it up. It needs reporting to the Police who will send someone trained in interviewing children to see him.

Whynosnowyet · 31/01/2020 15:59

I know a boy who accused 2 people of abuse.
He has serious issues and is under all sorts of authorities.
As yet he has never genuinely accused anyone.
Suggest he speaks to a professional.
Very dangerous behaviour ime..

Original poster
kabdoochelsea6 · 31/01/2020 16:08

We were going to report it to the police. We asked him why he'd make it up and he said because he did.

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 31/01/2020 16:15

You still need to seek advice from professionals trained in safeguarding.

The nspcc, the police, his school safeguarding lead.

I’m worried you won’t though.

Bouledeneige · 31/01/2020 16:16

But what if it is true OP? Many people say things and then retract them for fear of the consequences. They are not all liars.

BumbleBeee69 · 31/01/2020 16:18

OP would you consider allowing someone else to speak to your grandson ? it might help clear the woods from the trees... and might open the doors to your grandson being honest about what has or has not happened ? just an idea Flowers

Nothing2doooooo · 31/01/2020 16:19

His replies sound worrying. They don't sound convincing. So either he has shut dow or there's something else. Just lay off him for now though because the barrage of questions won't help.

He needs help somehow, gentle help with someone he can trust enough to open up to. He sounds really "brick wall" closed.

MadeForThis · 31/01/2020 16:22

He needs counselling. Either he has been abused or he has deep issues what result in lying.

He needs to be helped while he is still young. Something is underlying his behaviour.

Once he's over 18, in employment, in relationships it could cause a lot more damage to him and others.

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