Help please I don't know what to do

[greenfrog87]

So my family and my partner literally hate each other. We've been together 10 years.
My family have offered to pay for me and our son to go on holiday for 2 weeks however my partner has said he doesn't want us to go.
I've just had a message to say that my mums long term illness is worsened by stress and that I'm making things worse by being with a selfish partner etc and it's time I stood up to him
What would you do?

How much more of your life are you willing to waste on him? Just enough so you lose the precious time you have left with your family?

Go with your family and don't go back to him on your return. I'm sure your family are only waiting for the day that you ask for their help to leave him. Just because you didn't leave him the last time you planned to, doesn't mean you cannot leave him now.

Tell him you’ll only go for one week, then use the time between now & then to get important & valuable things out of your house & all the paperwork you need. Then go on holiday & do not go back.

He’s a controlling arse, clearly very good at manipulation - it’s not how you should spend your life and certainly not good for your DS.

It sounds as though he is trying to isolate you from your family, with some success.

If he’s controlling and abusive I would leave him & go on the holiday.

He’s probably scared that if you’re free of him for two weeks you’ll realise how much happier you are without him.

me and DW do everything 50/50 with regards the children, and i hate it when they're away and i have to work.

however, i know they're having a great time, and i'd never stop that just because it made me a bit sad.

your "d"p needs to stop thinking about himself.

This is a manifestation of his abuse.

You tried to leave out the abusive context, but anybody who knows how to recognise abuse would have seen this for what it was hence the questioning. I appreciate I have the "luxury" of posting after you updated to confirm but I would have been asking questions to establish if this was part of a pattern of abuse based on your op. It's that concerning on its own.

Of course if you deliberately withhold context people less familiar with coercive control may not recognise it and tell you what you want to hear and downplay things, but that doesn't help you.

You can't fix the abuse. This is how he wants it. This right now is still abuse, it has not stopped or reduced.

The only way this abuse will end and your child will be protected from further damage is by leaving. And yes your child is being affected by this situation. That's painful but true.

I imagine the Freedom Programme will have been recommended to you previously?

Thank you all for your replies, I think I know what I need to do.
Can i take ds abroad without partners permission? As we have different surnames. I have both passports and birth certificate.

You need a letter from him saying he can go

You would only need a letter if you were taking someone else's child abroad. Having the birth certificate which shows you as the child's mother would be enough.

Pp is incorrect, you can be stopped at the border and if you dont have a letter, they may not allow you to travel with your DC.

However you can just try. They often don't ask, especially if its somewhere in Europe.

You've got to leave him OP. Why do you think this will get better, when hes literally keeping you away from your family?