Am I a narcissist

[justpassingthrough2]

I'm sitting here in tears. It's all too much

My husband left before Christmas. No discussion. Just gone.

I read a thread earlier and it really scared me. Someone said they never trust people with no friends. It was about a really awful mum.

I feel so alone. I don't have any friends. I don't know what I'm doing. I've always thought it's just because I'm a loner. And I am. I like being alone. But god maybe I'm just a shit person. I feel so unlovable what the fuck have I done.

I try really hard. And I see people with friends and I feel so hurt. I don't have that. Never had that. I don't get what I do wrong.

I just drift away from people. No arguments. No being a shit friend. I just find it hard to keep in touch. Someone wanted to meet me at work today and I said yes it's be nice to see her. But I chickened our. I'm in such a state I jknew id just cry at her. And now I feel shit like I've let her down. But I know she won't even remember tomorrow.

I don't know what to do

Can I get help if I am one. How do I do that. How can I change

No your not - because honestly you wouldn’t be bothered. Give yourself a break- it’s harder to prioritise friendships sometime. You are being way to hard on yourself. You sound the opposite of narcissistic

You don’t sound like a narcissist, just depressed/anxious. Friends come and go, I think some people make friends and keep them better than others.

You’re not a narcissist or you wouldn’t be questioning your actions. And you certainly aren’t alone. I have one friend. One whole friend! And I only see him a couple of times a year. And I’m ok with this. Don’t believe the bullshit you see in films and see on social media. Not everyone needs loads of friends to be ok. I think you may find it beneficial to speak to your doctor as you are sounding quite low at the mo. My doc told me to go on the sites mood juice and mood gym to help with anxiety, you could give them a go.
The reason I’m not close to anyone is how much I’ve been hurt by many people over the years. I find it easier to be alone and this is ok for me coz I’m a bit of a loner anyway. But you may not be the same you just need to figure yourself out and what you expect from people.

I feel like your confidence may be at a massive low too. Maybe try and figure out why this is and work on it. Maybe see a councillor?

@justpassingthrough2, please don’t beat yourself up. You have had a terrible shock just a few weeks ago. You are nowhere near over that yet. You are doubting everything about yourself. There is nothing wrong with being a person who enjoys their own company. The fact that you are asking whether you are a narcissist shows that you are not one. Narcissists don’t believe that there is anything wrong with them, their perception is that they have no faults. This is why therapy doesn’t work well for them, and they rarely present for therapy in the first place. You are blaming yourself - you are not a narcissist.

Focus on dealing with your current situation. There are lots of threads on MN to help you. See your GP if you haven’t already. Counselling will help with your low mood. Contact someone who you haven’t spoken to in a while. This will be hard but will help you to start rebuilding. Look online for tips on how to make new friends but take it slowly while you heal.

Don't worry, there's lots of us who feel or have felt the same. At my lowest points I've also struggled to talk to anyone I know cos I was worried I would cry, but I did need to speak to a counsellor as I felt so desperately alone. When I look back now I realise I couldn't really have spoken to many people anyway as I was feeling so incredibly shit about myself and I just needed a bit of time to restabilise and heal myself.

Don't worry about that thread you read, the person who wrote that about not trusting people who don't have friends was projecting an aspect of themselves that they fear. I don't judge anyone on the number of friends they have, that is meaningless to me and feels like some kind of competitive sport.

Hi @justpassingthrough2, I am so sorry you are feeling like this. You must be feeling very lonely and isolated which may be contributing to your negative thoughts about yourself.

For someone to just leave without explanation is very cruel and has effectively left you 'hanging' emotionally. You need to process the loss of your marriage and being abandoned like that by your husband is like having a hand grenade thrown at you. You can't expect to just dust yourself down and move on. Your turmoil and confusion is totally understandable.

By the way, narcissists don't usually ask that question about themselves. They see themselves as faultless so I think you can reasonably conclude that you aren't a narcissist.

There are also many reasons why you may not have a support network of friends. Perhaps like you say you are introverted and don't need a lot of company, perhaps you are a bit socially anxious and find making close connections difficult. Perhaps you were so busy concentrating on your husband, friends didn't seem a priority.

It doesn't mean you are damaged or unacceptable as a person. Your fear of breaking down in front of the person you had planned to meet in your situation is again totally understandable. You are very vulnerable at the moment. Are you sure that person would have rejected you if you had admitted to your pain to her? She may have understood and wanted to help. Please try not to be so hard on yourself.

As others have said, perhaps a trip to your GP to get some help whilst you are feeling overwhelmed. Sign up for some counselling if you are able to. Also try to get out and about everyday, even if you feel like hiding away. A good walk in the fresh air will get the feel good hormones going. I hope you feel better soon Op. Little steps to recovery.

Search 'are extroverts really happier? ' on BBC sounds and there's a documentary about your situation, ie people who are quiet, maybe introverted (not trying to be judgemental here). It talks about severe social anxiety, avoidant personality disorder and loniness... Its really worth listening to.

CBT is worth exploring. Cognitive behavioural therapy.

I don't think you're a narc at all hun. If you were, you probably wouldn't worry about it.

Sounds like you have low self-esteem, which is pretty much the opposite of being a narc.

I always made it hard to make or keep friends. It's only at about 40 a consultant told me I had ADHD with autistic traits. Having autistic traits made sense of the social rejection/failure I'd had my whole life.

It also seems you have social anxiety. Very few narcs would have that.

You're a good person and you need to realise that. I've found that therapy has helped- would recommend xxx

*found it hard

The work narc gets thrown around so much. This is why that's damaging.

Sweetheart, you are showing no signs of narcissism, no traits at all.

Have you talked to anyone in real life about the end of your marriage? Perhaps that would be a start, some therapy to work through the loss and change in your life now he has gone.

Word*

No I don’t think you are a narc, you are just going through a hard time and should look after yourself.
Can you think of small things that would give you pleasure? For me it would be good chocolate, coffee and a walk with my dog, ( you might have a rescue centre you could walk one for near you). The end of a marriage is very difficult to take whatever the circumstances, the Samaritans will listen if you need to talk and counseling might help. I have just shredded my notes from months of counseling years ago so just think that one day this will have faded on your memory. You are not alone in having these thoughts many of us have been through this be kind to yourself above all.

I just wanted to say thank you to you all. I had to stop reading as you were making me cry - in a good way. And I had to do the nursery/school run.

Thank you. I don't know. I just feel like a freak. I think I just want a name for it. Some reason why I'm like this.

I'm just finding it hard. It's all just a shock. He has the dc this weekend for the first time for two nights and I feel so alone. And normally I'd busy myself with work as I work from home too. But the company I work for has gone bust so I'm out of a job and the weekend is just this empty void.

So much of what you all said makes sense. I definitely am an introvert. I'll speak to my doctor. Cbt sounds really good.

Thanks again. You've made me feel more human

I'm glad if you'll speak to the doctor, as you sound quite down. Please let us know how you get on. Feel free to PM me if you want to chat xxx

I am a bit shocked the thread was saying never trust someone with no friends! There can be lots of reasons people have no friends. Like yours. Or like a woman trapped in an abusive marriage.

Do you mind me asking where the thread is? It sounds very unforgiving.

I am sorry you feel like this, you don't sound narcissistic. I am introverted and get drawn to people who are sort of introverted but also funny, and nice. But basically I like a small world, just a few good friends, and family. I think the key thing is to find like minded people. But only if and when you want to.

You always have friend when u have kids.

You are not a narc, because you are nice, OP, anyone can see that from thousands of miles away - don't let anyone fuck you up with this description - not fucking true. I have known a few narcs in my time. You are a fucking angel.