who thinks this is silly

[loopylou6]

my dad has just been on the phone to me and said he had a bone to pick with me, it turns out that the last 2 times i have called at their house to pick my ds up (he stays there of a weekend) i havnt gone in, now this is becasue i had gone there straight from asda with a car full of food some frozen etc etc so i had needed to be quick to get home and get the shopping away etc, so anyway now hes saying that he's not coming in my house anymore till i start going in his bearing in mine they rarely even come to mine at all, they complain i never visit now there are only 2 days when im busy i could visit the rest of the time but my mum is off shopping or whatever, seems to me theyw ant it all on their terms or not at all, what a downright stupid thing to say though

If my MIL has my children i always make sure i go in and say thanks etc I think its just a polite thing to do. TBH unless you live an bour away from them i dont think the frozen food excuse is an issue. 20 minutes is nothing if it makes your parents feel appreciated.

thanks bonkerz point taken onboard

sorry if that sounded harsh.

i agree with bonkers tbh, very lucky to have parents to have ds for the weekend to go and have a cuppa with them couldnt hurt, could it? could you not take the shopping home first?

bonkerz, no it didnt, i like people to tell it how it is lol rather that beat around the bush lucy, yes it is good of them, although they never have dd coz she isnt perfectly behaved like ds, but u are both right i should maybe start going there for a cuppa, i still think it was a stupid comment though

maybe your dad is feeling a little taken for granted. I know my MIL loves to have my children BUT my FIL isnt as thrilled by the prospect. Next weekend maybe just take oyur dad a bottle of wine and mum some flowers and just let them know you appreciate how good they are. Let the comment lay and dont mention it. We all say silly things when we feel low.

I think it's easy to for it to be seen that you're taking grandparents for granted, even when you're not.

I remember my mam commenting once cos I used to fly in and out all the time when DS1 was a baby. It hadn't registered to me that although we called my parents very often we didn't actually spend much time there iykwim, whereas if we visited PIL or other relatives/friends we stay for a cuppa and a natter.

yes i think he feels if you want himt o look after your daughter then you could at least come in and pass a few mins of time with them

i'd probably feel the same tbh

it's easily sorted tho, just go in next time

thanks everyone , u all seem to think the same thing which deffo means im in the wrong, now i know that, i will sort it out, whats the bet they will be closing the curtains now when they see me coming down the road coz they will sick of the sight of me lolol. thanks again u lot. xx

Going to go against flow here...

What do you want Loopylou? Surely if you wanted to spend time with them you would? And if they barely visit your home, have you asked why? Or just left it cause your happy with that.

BTW I could see they maybe feel you could drop in and say thanks but that isn't what they said. I too think an empty threat is a bit pointless. Sounds like you wouldn't have even noticed if they did carry it out! I had a relationship with my parents and they wanted it all their way ie go and see them AT LEAST 3 times a week with the baby, or my mother wasn't going on holiday last year as she would be needed to look after baby. Not once did either of them ask what was okay for me. Tended to get ridden roughshod over (is that the right way to say that?!)

You work out what is best for you, what YOU want, then think of any compromises you are willing to make. Then go to them with this and suggest it, or just do it more informally, either way make sure they understand that you appriciate them babysitting but at the same time if you are expected to 'pay' for that (ie strings attached to babysitting offer) stand up for YOUR rights...you are allowed to have them.

And for anyone about to launch an attack...pause...I have an issue with the empty threat. I agree that gp sitting, if wanted, should be fully appreciated and not taken for granted.