I think I am being stalked

[TheTickingTime]

I split up with my ex in September last year. He was abusive, however I guess I wanted to over look it because of my age, and also because when thugs were good it made me cast the abuse into the shadow.

I broke up with him several times. And each and every time he would turn up at my house and knock on my living room windows, ring the dokorbeel repeatedly and stand outside asking me to speak with him. It was really embarrassing as my neighbours saw it.
A month after we split up he was outside my work, but when he saw I clocked him, he drowe off, I unblocked him to ask why he was outside my work, and he sent me a picture of himself sat on his sofa at home. A week later he admitted to having been at work when he approached me for items he thought he had at mine.
I have felt like he was outside my property many times. In December when walking home, he was again at my property, he walked all the way up to my living room window and then behind the house. He did not see me.
Yesterday he was outside my bus stop but then again when he saw I had seen him he drow off.
I am so tired from it all. And the police is not intrested. I have diarised it all, and although he was very quick to find another girlfriend I feel he won't stop this any time soon. Any suggestions would be great. And again the police isn't helpful

Write everything down. Log every time you see him. When you know he's at work ( so not watching) make plans to move. Tell work. And yes, police.

Don't want to read and run. Its difficult when his behaviour doesn't appear to be threatening or malignant, just bloody irritating and intrusive. Keep up the diary, hope someone will come along with good advice in a minute.

Get CCTV and film him if u see him sorry you're going through this .

Move?
At least get CCTV, and maybe a Ring type doorbell.
If you have solid evidence then you can try the police again, or a solicitor for legal advice.
Do not interact.

I had to contact him via email to let him know that he had letters at mine. And could he make sure to change the address with whoever sent them. Only for him todo his usual love bombing. I am so angry as this man has threatened me with a knife, pushed me, blamed me for an assault that happened to me by previous partner. I am so angry that he thinks I deserve to be treated like shit. That's all I deserve apparently.

What have the police said?

I agree - get a camera. You can get one cheap from amazon.

Don't contact him about his letters. Return them to sender. Don't contact him about anything.

Lots of useful advice on here www.suzylamplugh.org/Pages/FAQs/Category/anti-stalking

You are contacting him all the time. Stop unblocking him to ask him why, about his letters etc etc. You are giving yourself excuses to do this.

I say this not to in any way suggest that you are responsible for his behaviour, but because you have far too much headspace invested in this man. You haven't actually left him yet.

If he walks up to your living room window or whatever, call the police immediately. Call them before you acknowledge to him that you have seen him and he 'drives off'. Your first move must be to protect yourself, not interact with him. I repeat - you are still in a relationship with him in your head, and that is something that you need to address.

OP you need to start logging these incidents. There's an app called Brighsky which you can download here that records and has a journal to collect evidence. Log it as Date/Time it began/ended/What Happened/How it made you feel.

Report to the police each and every time as you are building evidence.

Print off all messages.

Send him an email stating that any further contact from him will be unwelcome and considered harassment. That you'll contact the police should he show up at your place of work or home. Block him on social media/email/phone.

Contact the National Stalking Helpline who can give you safety advice and tell you your legal options: 0808 802 0300

Speak to the police.
Get a cctv camera for your property.
Log everything.
Return his letters to sender with 'not known at this address'
Change all your locks and fit window locks.
Let your work know.

And keep him blocked!

If you get anymore letters write NOT AT THIS ADDRESS on them and post in a post box.

Stop all contact.

Keep a log.

Also look into the Sanctuary Scheme. If you have been a victim of domestic abuse, you can apply for the Sanctuary Scheme. You apply through your council and, if they provide it, then send people to your place to assess it for safety and will make it secure for you. Check if your local council does it by phoning their housing department.

In the Gift of Fear, the writer covers this topic. If someone contacts you 100 times and you respond on the 101st, you have taught him that it takes 100 attempts to get your attention. The approach recommended in the book is to make contact once to say "I do not want to hear from you, and I will not respond to you any more" and mean it.