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Original poster

Pandora's phone

14 replies

Skytrain · 31/01/2020 00:09

Elsewhere on here I have mentioned how I found out about my wife's rather long affair, my suspicions were confirmed by a phone that she said I could use as mine was acting up, anyway once I found the messages between her and her friend I looked for other old phones, in doing so I found it had gone on for eight years. I found he got fun I have never had and that on one occasion he cancelled a meeting with her as he was feeling guilty about cheating on his new girlfriend, that guilt didn't last long. Anyway we are still together but I never got too many details , I just wanted a few answers. So there is still one phone which dates from when we got married and he came along with his then wife, it's locked but there is apparently software available to unlock it, so would you, could be a nail in the coffin.

OP posts:
SnorkMaiden81 · 31/01/2020 00:13

You don't need to see any more, surely?

Opentooffers · 31/01/2020 00:21

You've had enough nails, respect yourself instead of hanging on. She's done this for years and you have been letting her, so I suspect you'll carry on the same - 8yrs/10years, before you met? What's the diff?

Redland12 · 31/01/2020 00:21

Why on earth would you need to see anymore?

KennyRogersWasNotInStarWars · 31/01/2020 06:34

A nail in the coffin? Bloody hell, the coffin looks like a pin cushion already! You need to get some support IRL to talk through the situation and decide what you want to do based on what you already know, is that something you can do?

URPS · 31/01/2020 09:44

Why are you still together ?

mamato3lads · 31/01/2020 12:11

How horrible for you.

Are you planning to leave her ? If not then dont look. All you're doing is inviting more pain.

If you want to leave and have been dithering or need a push....then look. You can get phones unlocked very easily.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 31/01/2020 12:24

I don't understand why you would stay with someone who cheated on your for EIGHT YEARS.

Have you no self-respect left? Very sad situation.

Also, why on earth would you want to torture yourself more with the possibility of finding more messages?

Please leave and start having counselling; this must be playing havoc with your mental health. Very unhealthy.

Original poster
Skytrain · 31/01/2020 13:19

Good afternoon, I guess it's a morbid curiosity and trying to understand it better, on the other phones there wad nothing graphic , talk of sex, underwear, grooming and games , I am still there despite my wife appearing borderline sociopath towards me is because we have children who are a lovely bunch and don't need the damage, and I don't have anywhere better to go, and despite what went on I still love her, although long term I think we will end up apart. If there were no children I would have gone there and then, and yes it really messed me up ,

OP posts:
Shadyshadow · 31/01/2020 13:26

How is a messed up parent good for the kids?

Original poster
Skytrain · 31/01/2020 13:49

we don't argue in front of the children, there is some heated discussion from time to time but nothing too bad, I tried not to take my issues home with me , and while we are not the Waltons the children are doing well and seem happy, they don't know what went on, my wife's family don't know and as far as I can tell none of her friend's know,

OP posts:
Shadyshadow · 31/01/2020 13:54

Not arguing in front of kids isnt enough.

Kids know, all is not well. If their mother is a borderline sociopath thats jot good for them.

Dont kid yourself they dont know. Or that you being messed up isnt Impacting them.

Many of us grew up in these households. We knew. We always knew something wasnt right

otterhound · 31/01/2020 15:36

Did you post previously? Kids likely to be yours?

Original poster
Skytrain · 31/01/2020 16:28

Yes I did post previously, it's under "what's to do" anyway they all look similar, and two of them really look like me when I was a child, so I believe they are mine, they are a nice bunch . while it was going on it ground me down as I suspected it was going on but could not prove it, at least now I have a better idea of what's going on , and what she is actually like, I know people cheat and do stupid things it's human nature, but this was another level all together.

OP posts:
MalusDacus · 31/01/2020 17:19

Oh OP, I'm sorry you go through this but you need a DNA test to see if they are your biological children and you actually need to divorce. This is not good for the children, they can sense it.
My poor father went exactly through this thinking is worth it for us,children. The reality is my sister and I eventually found out about it and now we're mentally affected by it.
Do yourself and your children a favour and stop this madness so called marriage.
Good luck

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