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Relationships

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Original poster

Extremely attracted to man

39 replies

Marbu · 31/01/2020 00:00

I've namechanged as some of my friends know my other username. I'm not a troll.
I'm single. I'm early 40s. I've got to know this man through a "hobby". We sit next to each other. From the first moment I saw I him I felt an instant bolt of attraction.
We've known each other about 2 years and we meet about once a month or so but only while doing the "hobby".... oh for heaven's sake! Fucking hobbies. It's a musical activity.

The attraction hasn't died down at all and in fact it's got to the stage where my body seems to be out of control. I have to sit next to him but I'm so attracted to him I'm having...er... physical reactions. Basically he gets me all hot and bothered without doing or saying anything in particular. It's really quite horrendous actually.

I'm not interested in a relationship with him and he is showing no indication of being interested in me and I'm getting a possible gay vibe - he's never mentioned a partner. I don't obsess about him or think about him much at all between the times when we meet up though we do occasionally chat on WhatsApp. Every time the music session comes around I think it won't be this bad this time and every time I see him my body goes off on one. (I don't like the term "fanny gallops" but that's what it is basically)

I've not felt like this in years and years. My question is really whether any one else has experienced this? Whether you think it's hormonal? Is it possibly my body's last ditch attempt before peri-menopause begins? I've read that some people get an oestrogen boost before things decline and that's why some people end up getting unexpectedly pregnant years after their next youngest child.

What do you think? And how do I calm it down?

OP posts:

RedIsWhereItsAt · 31/01/2020 19:44

I've changed name for this. I recently met someone through work, due to the nature of work it's only been brief interactions but after a couple of weeks it seemed like I suddenly opened my eyes and 'saw' him. I haven't actually had a good look at him (think of him as a security guard wearing a crash helmet to deliver money to banks or something like that) and he is no longer there now, he's not doing that work anymore. I'm completely obsessed by him. I'm dreaming of bumping into him in the street ffs. I'm 50 and I think it's my hormones too. But, I feel for you OP, I really do.

RedIsWhereItsAt · 31/01/2020 19:46

Yes, I agree chemistry is where it's at. There are certain things about him that I would never have in my list of desirable qualities. But, the chemistry!

Reginabambina · 31/01/2020 19:50

This feeling is fantastic. It’s a shame that people are so awkward about this. I would honestly make an effort to be alone with him, he’s not much good to you if you’re not shagging by the sounds of it so you might as well try.

Original poster

Marbu · 31/01/2020 21:47

I'm completely obsessed by him. I'm dreaming of bumping into him in the street ffs. I'm 50 and I think it's my hormones too. But, I feel for you OP, I really do.

Well at least I'm not thinking about this bloke all day but the reaction to his physical presence is just crazy.

At least it's taking my mind of my previous relationship which has upset my equilibrium a lot. I'm still trying to recover. The whole thing hurts a lot. Basically he messed me around for 5 years and I put up with it so it's my own fault really.

OP posts:

EoinMcLovesCakeJumper · 31/01/2020 21:54

Tbh, I've just changed jobs and my new manager is actually pretty hot, which means the raging hormones have had a resurgence. I'm mostly just trying to avoid him as much as I can, but it's almost reassuring to know that I can still feel that way even though the menopause is still doing its thing.

As for your guy, I don't see what's to be lost by making some gentle approaches. You don't have to propose to him or anything!

Original poster

Marbu · 31/01/2020 22:01

I am so relieved that other people have had or are having raging hormone issues.
The man in question has just sent me a message to say he can't make it to the session next month so at least February will be calmer
He did reveal the reason why and it wasn't anything exciting like he was off on honeymoon with his new husband or something... no, another orchestra he plays in have a concert that day.

OP posts:

RedIsWhereItsAt · 31/01/2020 22:07

...which has upset my equilibrium a lot. I'm still trying to recover.

I think this is important, I have had a lot of life mishaps and false starts over the last few years and am feeling weak. This man perhaps represents stability and someone to lean on.

I even found a photo online but I'm not a stalker, honest! Interestingly, he's either not particularly good looking or he isn't photogenic. But has that dented my hormones? No sir, it has not.

Original poster

Marbu · 31/01/2020 22:15

But has that dented my hormones? No sir, it has not.

You are hilarious - you have such a great turn of phrase!

My hormones can't be dented either!
Interestingly though, when he messaged to say he wasn't going to be there next time I wasn't particularly disappointed, just thought, thank fuck I don't have to tackle Schubert at the same time as dealing with fanny gallops (that are never in time with the music!)
And this other bloke will have to sit next to me to fill the gap and he's a bit of a pain - hormones don't react to him at all.

OP posts:

RedIsWhereItsAt · 01/02/2020 08:13

thanks!

It's probably a relief for you to have a break from the angst and physical stuff, so you can just concentrate on the music, maybe.

itsnobettertobesafethansorry · 01/02/2020 08:27

Namechanged for this. I know exactly what you mean! I’ve had this with a colleague at work for nearly a year now, and he feels the same - but as we work together, he is quite a lot younger than me and in a long term relationship with a child, and neither of us are idiots, it’s never going to go anywhere. He’s moved to another team in a different part of the building now which makes my life a lot easier as I don’t run in to him multiple times a day with the attendant physical and emotional consequences.

swimmingpoolshower · 01/02/2020 09:49

Why do our bodies do this? What's the biological purpose of it all? If the purpose is procreation then why just certain people? It's as if a little alarm goes off in my head 'this guy would give you a very good time.' Argh!

RedIsWhereItsAt · 01/02/2020 15:25

Hmm yes good question. If it was purely biological it would go off for any man of a certain age.

Hollywolly1 · 01/02/2020 16:25

When he sent you the message to say he couldn't make it this month that is your chance to ask him if had like to meet for a coffee.It may just be the little push he needs he could be a bit shy and if he says no at least you have a good while to recover before you see him again.

Original poster

Marbu · 02/02/2020 09:41

When he sent you the message to say he couldn't make it this month that is your chance to ask him if had like to meet for a coffeegrin.It may just be the little push he needs he could be a bit shy and if he says no at least you have a good while to recover before you see him again.

When he sent me the message I wasn't that bothered. I'm not bothered enough when I'm not sitting next to him to try to take this any further. It's only when he's physically there that my body starts going crazy.
I think if I really wanted to start something with him I'd be thinking about him more often in the times between our rehearsals.

OP posts:

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