To grieve death of horrible ex-boyfriend?

[NoProblem123]

Just that really.

Went out for 4 years. He left me when pregnant with our daughter.
Never paid a penny, never got in touch, posted on every social media what a great life he was having while I raised our special needs daughter for the next 17 years.

Found out today he died recently.
Lots of dark stuff on newer about his poor mental health so pretty sure it’s suicide.

Gutted.

Actually I think it's completely natural and healthy to find yourself thrown by this, OP. The posters saying don't think about it are giving bad advice. He's your child's father. That's important even if he hadn't been an active one. And suicide is really, really hard. It leaves those left behind feeling guilty even if they rationally appreciate they have nothing to feel responsible for.

Allow yourself to grieve and process all the emotions. It shows that you're a compassionate person that this has affected you. Who wants to not care that their child's father killed himself??

My abusive ex (my first boyfriend) died a few years ago, at first it appeared to be a accident but then became clear it was suicide, he almost took someone out with him as he drove his motorbike head on into traffic. I felt a bit weird about it but also felt a huge relief, a relief that I no longer had to look over my shoulder, that I would never ‘numb into him’ and a huge relief that he could no longer hurt anyone.

He's part of your past and the father of your daughter. Even if he was a piece of shit, it's not unreasonable for you to have these feelings.