How did being involved with a narc/abuser (or ditching them) effect you emotionally?

[Interestedwoman]

As some of you know, I recently ditched an exploitative narc.

Day 1 / 2 of NC and I've noticed I feel more clear-headed, it was like I was in some sort of loved-up fog that effected my intellect, and it's lifted. I did notice at the time occasionally, in the rare event I would get off with him towards the end lol, a couple of times he waited until I was really horny to start with his 'how do you feel about doing X with Y?' 'Or Z?' etc etc. I felt at the time that I was in a trance-like state and he was trying to make use of that.

Anyway- starting to get my brain back! I think that love-fog is also part of how they suck us of ambition. I was always the sort of person who had a little scheme/plan for a career or whatever, and for most of the 18 months with the narc I didn't have that, I floated along in that spacey, mind numbing fog. Towards the end I started to have plans, do courses etc though. Now I've ditched him, it feels like I'm starting to get my brain back!

Mine was a covert narc maybe, so I didn't tend to feel down when I was with him (although maybe a bit lonely when he wasn't around) he wasn't overtly controlling about most issues.

Anyway, so how did it effect you emotionally to be with or ditch a narc/abuser?

Ah the brain fog...

I remember when it started shifting - I finally realised that the reason he could just appear in the places that I was was because he was tracking my phone which was connected to a tablet I had left in his house when I done a runner with what I could fit into my car.

I realised that all the times he had told me his exes were crazy and what they had done to him - actually he was the crazy one

I realised he seen a young woman in a vulnerable position and pounced on her

I relaised I didn't owe him all the things he said I did..... I wasn't responsible for everything he done to me

But you know what. Now my life is amazing. It really is. I have a fantastic job and my money is mine. I wear what I like, do what I like, decorate how I like. I have met a truly wonderful man who makes me so happy and relaxed.

I have my friendships and my hobbies reinstated. I am just so content

That is not to say i am not still affected by it. I still have the odd dream now and then that I end up back with him (much rarer now) I sometimes still feel annoyed at myself for ending up in that position. But I learned from it and I grew from it and I will always take that positive from the situation.

Hold on in there. You go through complete hell to get out of it - but once you are on the other side it gets so so much better xx

There’s an amazing book which I just read myself at the one year anniversary of severing the ties with my borderline/narc ex who wreaked all the damage described above on me.....but I’m over it and living my best life thanks to it...
‘Healing from a narcissistic relationship’ by margalis fjelstad.

I was having some vague sentimental thoughts around the milestone and needed both a dose of reality and a spoonful of self love. This book did it both.

Be strong. There is a future without control and fear.

'@Mumandsome78 -Thanks for the book recommendation, will order it. xx

The last day or so I've had a sensation that my boundaries are bruised. Of course they kind of are, from how he would constantly push at them.

Of course your boundaries are bruised. But all bruises eventually subside and so yours will too.
It takes time naturally for the healing to happen but know that you’re not alone and what happened to you is absolutely not your fault. I liked what someone said above that a lot of books about these awful relationships somehow become victim blaming as you’re told your boundaries weren’t this or that, or you allowed certain things to happen due to some inherent weakness of character. Ignore all that tendency to frame this as a project of somehow improving yourself so you are more immune to these creatures in future, rather accept you were extremely unlucky and some ways you could enhance your luck in future is to look at how you might evolve your already wonderful self based on the experience. I still receive comments from family which suggest an underlying victim blaming world view: easy to do if you’ve never ever suffered at the hands of these monsters.
Good luck.

Thanks. xxx You too. x