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Relationships

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Original poster

Should I break my NC?

19 replies

FelicityPancake · 30/01/2020 06:53

I went NC with a guy over a month ago because it was always me initiating everything and he was a close friend but I had developed strong feelings for him. I haven’t heard from him in that time which tells me everything I need to know. However, next week is the anniversary of his mum’s death and my heart is telling me to text him to say I’m thinking of him on the day. Should I break NC or just leave it?

OP posts:

SophieSong · 30/01/2020 08:39

Tbh if he hasn't been in touch how likely is it he is going to want to hear from you on that day? Did he know why you stopped contacting him and about you developing feelings for him? If so, and these feelings were not returned I'd personally leave it be - it would just add emotional tension to what is already a tough day for him.

NeverBeenLoved · 30/01/2020 12:45

I wouldn't.

Nicelunch25 · 30/01/2020 12:56

I wouldn't either. Whatever response you do or don't get would likely set back your recovery from him. No contact is the only way to recover.

Newnamewhodis1 · 30/01/2020 13:19

Definitely leave it.

LonginesPrime · 30/01/2020 13:33

No, don't contact him.

There's no reason to. If he wanted to speak to you, he'd have initiated contact so just move on. He doesn't give a shit about you, so stop giving a shit about him. He doesn't want to know.

Also, if you contact him when you already know he's going to be feeling sad, he might use you as a distraction and you'll get sucked back in.

There's no response that he could give that wouldn't make things worse, IMO.

Original poster

FelicityPancake · 30/01/2020 21:23

Tbh if he hasn't been in touch how likely is it he is going to want to hear from you on that day?
My gut feeling is that he would want to hear from me and would be a bit sad/angry not to but that could be for reasons of pride and the ego boost.

Did he know why you stopped contacting him and about you developing feelings for him?
No. Although he’s a very intelligent man so I’m sure he knows.

If so, and these feelings were not returned I'd personally leave it be - it would just add emotional tension to what is already a tough day for him.
Agreed.

OP posts:

Fedupwithmyhouse · 30/01/2020 21:24

noooooooooooooooooooooo

Original poster

FelicityPancake · 30/01/2020 21:24

Whatever response you do or don't get would likely set back your recovery from him.
This is definitely true but it will also break my heart to not contact him.

OP posts:

Original poster

FelicityPancake · 30/01/2020 21:25

If he wanted to speak to you, he'd have initiated contact so just move on. He doesn't give a shit about you, so stop giving a shit about him. He doesn't want to know.
I guess this is the reality of it. He doesn’t really care.

OP posts:

TorkTorkBam · 30/01/2020 21:26

Do nothing. It won't help him feel less sad on the day. You will regret it later. Leave him be.

ChristmasFluff · 30/01/2020 21:34

No, don't do it. It's your monkey-mind giving you an excuse to contact him.

Remember your reasons for being NC, and go properly NC by removing his numbers etc - blocking him everywhere, so you cannot contact him. If he can contact you, you are not NC, you are NR - No Response - otherwise known as 'I'll respond eventually, because no-one's willpower is enough.'

This relationship is done, and as such, you can think of him without letting him know. And why would he care about the thoughts of someone he's had no contact with for a month?

There is no point I can think of in contacting him. What would your reason be?

Glitterb · 30/01/2020 21:52

Depends if you were good friends or not before?

Don’t text him as bait for him to reply though, if he wanted to get in touch with you then he would

Original poster

FelicityPancake · 30/01/2020 21:53

What would your reason be?
You’re right. It’s because my monkey brain really wants to contact him but I know he really is no good for me.
My reason? I love him as much as you can love someone you’re not in a relationship with. I miss him. He made me very happy for a while.

OP posts:

Original poster

FelicityPancake · 30/01/2020 21:53

We were incredibly close before.

OP posts:

YasssKween · 30/01/2020 22:17

If I'm brutally honest, whether it's your intention or not it would massively feel like to me like you were making an awful day for him a little bit about you.

So it wouldn't have the effect you want. It's a bit like either using that as a reason to get back in touch and stay in touch again. Or, it's dipping in on an already terrible day and then going back to not speaking to him.

It's lose lose, leave it.

Deadsouls · 30/01/2020 22:21

I think this is a justification you are making go break NC and contact him.

If you feel strongly about it, you can mentally on the day spend some time reflecting upon compassion toward him.

He does know where you are if he wanted to contact you. If he wanted to, he would.

You will survive not contacting him even if it feels painful.

Original poster

FelicityPancake · 30/01/2020 23:30

I think for my dignity I probably need to not contact him but I’m scared because it feels like the nail in the coffin of our relationship.

OP posts:

YasssKween · 30/01/2020 23:33

You're no contact now so the relationship is over. I know it's hard but you need to accept that.

And if the reason you were going to message him on his mums anniversary was because you don't want to accept it's over, that's quite selfish really.

I'm not saying that to be an arsehole, but to hopefully help you talk yourself out of doing something that isn't positive for anyone involved.

Don't make that day about you.

helberg · 30/01/2020 23:46

Please don't contact him.
It's not going to help either of you.
I was doing really well moving on from my ex until my Dad died, he found out about and got straight back in touch and I haven't been able to shake him off since. Emotions end up all over the place and if you're bereaved you're vulnerable. Things can happen that shouldn't.

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