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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How do you take that first step?

3 replies

JammyGem · 29/01/2020 17:35

"D"H talks to me like something on the bottom of his shoe. There's no love or affection in our marriage, and I honestly think I would be happier and it would be easier if I went it alone.

But we gave DD1, and she's a real daddy's girl. I'm scared about how the split would affect her, but I'm also scared to have her growing up in a household where her parents are always arguing.

Financially it would be difficult. I love the area we live in, it's great for kids, but there's no way I could afford anywhere near here on my own. I'd be looking away about 30 miles away to find anything I could afford, and that's in a not very nice area. I can't drive so would maybe have to change the job that I love, or have a very long commute on the bus. No family nearby, so if I did move back in with my parents then I'd definitely have to give up my job.

I'm just scared to take that first step because I don't know if I would be able to do it. Honestly, DD is the only thing that keeps me going and if it wasn't for her I'd get out of the marriage by ending it all, but I don't want to leave her or put her through that.

I'm fed up of being so unhappy and of being treated like shit and feeling worthless. But I don't know how I'd cope on my own. Is this it? Is this my life now forever?

OP posts:
Rosie2000 · 29/01/2020 19:53

My first step was actually telling someone in the real world- it ended up being an old friend who called out of the blue and I just broke down on the phone to her. I then called a trusted friend who lived locally and went to see her- once it was said out loud that I wanted to leave it was a relief. I didn’t end up moving out for another 10 months but I had a plan and that made it easier. I also put myself first, not the children for once, and was determined to leave him.
That was over 2 years ago- it’s been horrendous (sorry to say) but I wouldn’t change my decision.

Whynosnowyet · 29/01/2020 19:54

How old is your dd?

cansmellfreedom · 29/01/2020 20:16

Start saving and planning. Also put your name down on the council house waiting list in your area it takes ages for you to find a house depending on where you live really but it’s something.

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