The Script, falling out of love and other questions.

[JoshLymanIsHotterThanSam]

I’m just trying to hash out my thoughts here so please bear with me if they seem a little jumbled.

I have been around on the relationships board for a few weeks due to my own issues. I often read people commenting that when a man says he’s fallen out of love then there will be another woman waiting in the wings. What I’m struggling with is that I’m certain I’ve fell out of love with my H and I’m trying very hard to make sure it’s not coming back before I split (I’m not trying to string him along-you will see from a search my previous thread details a drink issue on his behalf which is where all this stems from) and in my case absolutely not another man waiting in the wings. Things have happened that I find intolerable and it’s eventually had its effect.
So what I’m saying is-is a man always falling out of love with his wife because of an OW? Surely there must just be times where it’s a natural progression of smaller insignificant issues mashed together that eventually become insurmountable?

If/when I initiate the split I’ll be horrified if people think it’s because of got someone waiting in the wings. Is it just because it’s easier to blame another person? I don’t know I’m just trying to make sense of my own head, whilst also wondering about people’s perceptions.

I think if there is a specific issue you can point at and say it was because of x that I felt I had to leave then it's less likely to be thought there's another man.. Of course it will help if you don't start seeing someone else too quickly either. The Script usually comes into play when there really weren't any major issues, just the boring normality of life being asked to compete with a shiny new thing. That's a shit reason to leave so the script is used to rewrite history. Often the abandoned spouse is entirely blind sided by these supposed problems. If you said you were leaving due to the drink would that be news to him or have you tried to broach it before?

I don’t intend to start seeing anyone ever again!

Yes we’ve talked about his drinking before-so it wouldn’t be fresh news to him. However I don’t think he thinks I’ll really finish things. The drink is the biggest thing but there are many more things that have had an affect.

But to some that might seem like boring normality? If you aren’t happy anymore whether or not there is a solid reason why stay?

I’m not trying to justify it for myself-I have many reasons which I won’t bore you with-I just find it hard to believe that some marriages don’t just come to a natural end?

If people think there is someone else, theres nothing you can do about that.

My own parents sided with exh, he attacked me. They didn't think it was that bad and believed him, when he said I had an affair.

Years later I am with someone else. They still believe I left for my now dp, who I didnt start seeing until 2 years after.

I couldnt give a shit. I dont speak to them now. I know why I left. People who decide to think something else arent worth my time or worry