I don't know what to do

[PSILoveWine]

Well me and my OH split up 2 nights ago... It was mutual and a long time coming to be fair, we where more like a friendship couple, without the friendship, on his part.
Anyway, we have decided to separate, and I'm kinda shocked at how fast he is moving things. He has nowhere to go..
But within 12 hours of our separation he is on every housing register in the area.. He is telling me I may need to apply for benefits because I only work part time..
I get it... I need to do it, but after 12 years together I hoped he'd fight for me a bit.. I hoped he'd argue with me and say that he will start giving me affection and cuddles and not disregard what I have to say.. The fact that it seems like he's given up way too easily without a fight is bloody heartbreaking..
Anyway, what do I do?

It’s really hard, but it sounds like the right thing to do is to start to disconnect from him. It’s common to want a breakup to actually spark all the changes you wanted in a relationship, but in reality people don’t really change.

At least he is being honest that he can’t offer you what you need. You’re not compatible. It would be much worse if he pretended to change for a bit and promised the world, like my ex did.

This bit is hard, but it will get easier

I think you need to reframe it in your head.
You say it was mutual. It sounds to me like he is showing you respect and kindness. Do you have kids together? If so that bodes well for you both to co parent together.

If it’s mutual why would he fight for you??? If he knows that he can’t give you what you want isn’t it better that you both move on now so you have more chance to meet someone else.

I think you’re grieving the end of the relationship. Completely normal. Do that. Lean on your friends and family. Best wishes

It was a mutual split, it had become a friendship, but now you want him to fight for you?

He's definitely got the right idea.

Thanks guys, yous all speak sense but I think I may just of been secretly hoping that even though things are rubbish.. At the end of the day he would have fought for us... He's all I've ever known since I was 16.. My only relationship and we have 2 girls together.
I don't even know what to say to them, they'll be devastated.
He's so lovely now we've separated.. Haven't seen him being this nice for years.. It is so strange.

He's being nice probably because a weight has been lifted from his shoulders. You've both been aware the relationship hasn't been right for a while, may have hung in longer because of the kids etc, and now the plaster has been ripped off and the decision made....

And he's being very pro-active and getting on with stuff. If you've got kids, you're going to have to share custody, which means he can't just move into a one-bed studio flat somewhere but will need somewhere with some additional room for the kids. Very wise.

I think everyone's ego would like that response op. Devils advocate, say he did, what does the future look like 5years down the line?

Speak to him. Ask him if maybe he could move out. Do a trial seperation and start DATING again. No every day stresses to cloud your relationship. He takes the kids for the weekend, you get yourself a life or more of one, you both reinvent yourselves and see where you go.
It is hard, really hard to watch him leave but as the saying goes, if it was meant to be he might be back again!
Good Luck, go find yourself again and be happy.

numbmum They've just split up after 12 years and you're suggesting she start dating already? It's abundantly clear from her reaction to the split she'd nowhere near ready to date yet!

I think numb meant that she and her Ex OH try again by doing “dates”.

OP he will have regrets too. Maybe not today, he is distracted by organising things, but in the future. In fact he might have already gone through the process of grieving what was and what might have been.

It does sound like he checked out a while ago. In which case he has come to terms with the split.

You will too. Just remember you have children and it is far far better for them if you end this amicably. Don’t go looking for reasons to be annoyed or angry. It won’t make you any happier in the long run and indeed you may become stuck in those emotions and unable to move forward.

Thanks for all your replies.
I appreciate them all.
I still feel somewhat the same about the break up, almost like I'm unsure if it's the right thing.. However, I know he knows it's the right thing.. He told me.
Anyway.. I wrote a list today of why a break up was a good idea and why it wasn't.