How long after breakup did you start dating again ?

[lilyrayne]

Just that really , how long after relationship ended did you want to start dating again ? When did you feel you were ready too. Like online dating or friends who wanted to take you out on a date ?
I am not currently dating but I might in the future, I also would be very very fussy now about a partner that I would get involved with my child xxx

7 months after break up started dating, but looking back it was too soon after a 14 year marriage. We didnt have DCs but if I had I think I would have left it longer and enjoyed them and my independence. You’ll know when you feel ready. You’re right to be cautious re your DC, some people rush things.

6 years for me

I was on a date a fortnight after I threw my abusive ex out!

I hadn't loved him for a long time and I'd had to wait 18 months to get rid of him.

I went on dates every few weeks, it was amazing to be free!

Then I met my DP. I didn't introduce my children to him until we'd been dating for over a year and I was as sure as I could be that it was forever. Happily, we're still together many years later and are expecting our first child together 😊

Good luck, there's lots of weirdos sleezebags characters 🙄 out there but there's also good, decent people!

I came out of a 15 year marriage (together 22 years) when I was 36, someone I knew went on and on about going out for a drink with him about 9 months later, I had no interest whatsoever but gave in and went out with him twice, that just drummed home how NOT ready I was. I then left it 2 years before trying online dating. I still wasn't particularly fussed if I met someone or not, but luckily I met my now fiance. This was 5 years ago now. Everyone's different though, you'll know when you're ready.

Different for everyone.
Someone once wrote, allow a month for every year you were together ...

I think that too many people start dating before they're ready. I know I've been guilty of it and in all honesty it doesnt make you feel any better.
There are so many men out there that just jump from one relationship to another without sorting their shit first. I've learned that you really have to get over one thing before even considering starting something new. Tbh I'm ok being single so I'm happy to work on myself and do my own thing. In all honesty if I ever get into another relationship I want to make sure I'm absolutely the best version of myself first otherwise what's the point. When I dated after my last relationship it wasnt for the right reasons. I was a mess and that was reflected in the people I attracted. I realised this pretty quickly and decided to just take the time to learn about me. Improve my life, make myself better. Here I am nearly 3 years later and still working on all the other aspects of my life
That way I know if I meet someone it will be because I want to and not because I cant be on my own.
I do have friends that find it pretty much impossible to go a year without being in a serious relationship. I think it's sad really.

Something I find strange is how most of the people who post on here agree that they will not meet/introduce children until 6 months or more, yet my ex husband has managed to find 3 girlfriends all of whom were happy to meet my children within the first fortnight...

I met dp 10 days after I left exh. At an afternoon gathering at my best friends. So my kids met him the same day I did.

Nothing happened for a couple of months. Then we slept together a few times. Then i got feelings and ended it.

I still saw him through my friend. I spent 2 years in counselling (exh was abusive). Towards the end of that period I dated a bit. But found myself wishing I was on a date with my now dp. He didnt date anyone in that time.

We were just friends. But I wanted to be with him more than anyone else. My kids knew him, as I said. But it was another year before they knew we were dating. At which point my teenager pointed out she could tell he liked me since I first met him. I think she was relieved. I was glad she hadnt suspected we were dating though.

I think time out, is needed. For you and for your kids. Get your boundaries in place and dont feel bad for sticking by them. If me and dp broke up, I would be sad. But I am not afriad to be single. That one feelings means I choose to be with dp, I don't have to be with him because of money or duty. I cant imagine he would, but if dp crossed my boundaries I would have no issue ending it.

I enjoyed being single. I just enjoy being with dp more. If he was no longer an option, being single is something I would be happy to have as the alternative.

I genuinely believe, being happy being single has made my relationship healthier and it's made me happier. I love that I choose dp everyday.

I also think people need to wait before introducing their kids. On the rare occasion it works out, when people do that, its luck.

Something I find strange is how most of the people who post on here agree that they will not meet/introduce children until 6 months or more, yet my ex husband has managed to find 3 girlfriends all of whom were happy to meet my children within the first fortnight...

It happens. My exh met and moved in with a woman with 2 kids within 5 months of us splitting. She gave up her home and they got a joint home. They broke up another 6 months later. Leaving them in a house neither could afford the rent on. They went and got a massive house for all 4 kids. So she found herself having to go get another home for her and her kids, again.

Exh still thinks I am the reason the kids dont really want to see him. Not the fact that he threw them in with another family and told them they were their brothers, or that he never spent time with them and she was the priority.

You see on mn too, people being far too involved dar too early. I think lots of people plan to not introduce then get carried away and do it anyway

After a 6 year live-in relationship with a shock breakup it took me about a year before I was in the right place for dating. I focused on my friendships in this time and that has been great. Other shorter relationships when I have been the one to realise it's not been right it's maybe been 3-5 months.

It's different for everyone and depending on the previous relationship and nature of breakup.

make sure I'm absolutely the best version of myself first

This is so true. My decades long marriage ended recently, but the writing had been on the wall for quite some time, and I had used this time to strengthen myself mentally and emotionally, through many counselling sessions.

I feel I'm close to being strong and in a good place, though the idea of dating is rather scary. But also, because my exDH is the only man I have ever known, I feel I kind of have to meet someone else in order to sever the connection and free myself to start afresh. Can anyone identify with this feeling?