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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

DP and computer games.

14 replies

ysmaem · 29/01/2020 03:36

I'm 7 years older than my DP. He's 25 and I'm 32 so I don't know if the age differnce is a contributing factor. We've been together for 4 years and things have been great up till now. My kids love him, he gets on like house on fire with my family, gets on with the kids dad and he's very respectful, generous bloke, we never argue and have tonnes of fun together BUT he gets consumed with games! When we first met he always expressed his passion for gaming and when he asked if he could bring his xbox on one of this weekend stays to play while I was at work I didn't decline but I wished I had! He'd sometimes hop on the xbox mid afternoon and would still be playing until 3/4am sometimes as late as 6am! This went on for months until I began having reoccurring migraines and light sensitivity issues so could no longer fall/stay asleep with the light from the TV flickering while he was gaming. He started switching off around 10/11pm to ensure I'd have a good nights sleep and after a while he began getting bored of gaming and would go stretches of 2/3days of spending time downstairs with the family and it was almost like he was growing out of it but just before Christmas he was offered a gaming computer at an excellent price, we discussed him purchasing it and he said he would absolutely not go back to his old ways and it was just a hobby and a way to relax after work and I stupidly believed him. This time round I feel it's worse. Whereas the xbox was tucked away upstairs I didn't really have to see him game but the PC is downstairs in the living area so he's present but at the same time he's not. He wears headphones so the gaming noises don't disturb the rest of the family but to get his attention you have to shout, wave or tap him on the shoulder which is getting a bit ridiculous. He's now back playing until 3/4am most nights. Even though there are no light flickering he still disturbs me when he gets into bed at odd hours in the morning. I have half discussed his gaming with him and he blames his work due to working shifts (he's a manager at a retail store at works regularly until 11.30pm) and not being tired. I feel its starting to have a negative impact on my relationship with him. I understand his job is very stressful and that he's wide awake when he comes home from working late and I respect that he enjoys gaming but unless he's working he's glued to the PC for hours on end so as you can imagine our life together is incredibly tedious and boring! I apologise for the rambly, ranty post bit I just needed to vent and see if anyone had been in a similar situation.

OP posts:
RantyAnty · 29/01/2020 05:28

Do you actually live together? You mentioned weekend stays and then coming to bed late. Wasn't sure what your situation was.

PositiveVibez · 29/01/2020 05:34

So he was 21 when you got together. You were 28 with children?

Sounds like he hasn't had any time to grow up independently.

Does he live with you? Has he moved straight from his parents to yours, or did he have a period of living on his own?

Shadyshadow · 29/01/2020 05:39

I am 37 and game. Dp is 40 and doesnt.

Some people are gamers, some cyclists, some runners etc.

The hobby isnt the problem. It's how much time he is spending doing it.

I will play an hour here or an hour there.

Lots of couples ho to bed at different times so not sure how you would solve him disturbing you coming to bed late.

But if you feel neglected, you need to tell him that.

ysmaem · 29/01/2020 12:48

@RantyAnty yes, sorry we've been living together just shy of two years.

OP posts:
ysmaem · 29/01/2020 12:59

@PositiveVibez yes 21 and 28. He's never lived alone. We were together for 2 years before we moved in together. He remained living with his parents up until then. He could have easily afforded to have move put and have his own place from the age of 20 with his wage but I guess he was comfortable where he was 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
JorisBonson · 29/01/2020 14:33

Sounds like he's on extra child in the house.

JorisBonson · 29/01/2020 14:33

An*

RLEOM · 29/01/2020 15:07

I could not put up with this crap. It's like being with a teenager!

I'd tell him only 1 hour a night or I'm leaving. End of story.

PositiveVibez · 29/01/2020 15:22

It sounds like he's another one of your kids.

He's not grown up.

SHAR0N · 29/01/2020 15:29

I’m a bit worried you are dating my 15 year old son. Is he tall and skinny with very short blond hair?

Pinkbonbon · 29/01/2020 15:36

Lol 1 hour a night or I'm leaving him but harsh.

But playing till the wee hours every night isn't OK.

I game and maybe once per week I'll play into the wee hours. But I don't have a partner and kids to think of. You shouldn't need to ask an adult to moderate their time spent on a hobby. But it looks like you're going to have to.

Do you get the sense it has become an addiction?

Sometimes if I have a new game I'll play it a ton over a few weeks or so...but if this has been a constant ongoing thing...there may be more too it.

Maybe speak to him about whether or not he feels it is an addiction for him.

And you could ask that maybe he limit gaming to say...3 days per week?

DiscontinuedModelHusband · 29/01/2020 16:57

i also game, and have a DW and DCs.

i play from 10 til 12, when DW has gone to bed about 3 times a week.
occasionally it's a later finish than that - maybe 1 or 2am.

it doesn't impact family time, or time with DW.

if your DP can't manage a schedule like that, then i think there's a problem.

loopery · 29/01/2020 17:39

What are you getting out of this relationship?

WildfirePonie · 29/01/2020 18:11

Maybe you can get into gaming also? I and my DP play a lot of co-op games together when the kids go to bed and we don't go to bed late.

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