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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Am I being unfair to MIL

11 replies

giggly · 01/09/2007 00:16

I am about to change jobs which will mean going from p/t to f/t. My dd is in nursery 2 days and dh has her on the third day with both sets of grandparents visiting on this day(alternative weeks. My parents ahve offered to child mind for the other days which I am happy with, however my in laws also want to watch her, however they live to far away and it would mean they would have to stay overnight, but I cannot stand being in their company for any longer than a few hours, they drive me bonkers!my parents do not want to upset the inlaws, so they feel that I should allow them to stay,dh does not want them to stay either, are we being mean? they do love spending time with dd. However if we refuse they will no doubt go in a huff. and then we wil ahve to share our weekends with them twice a month. Sorry if I sound mean but I feel that I am going to pushed into doing something that I will hate.Any advice anyone?

OP posts:
Tortington · 01/09/2007 00:18

don't do it.

if there is a tug of love thing going on - then can't they visit on another day - watch the kid go home - alternate weeks? dh has them another day - you have two days sorted a week that way

ProjectIcarusinhercar · 01/09/2007 00:19

put her in the nursery. the alternative is bloody awful.

Tortington · 01/09/2007 00:49

besides if they childmind for yo - you dont get babysitters for shag /piss fest.

if they want to mind your kid - make it saturday to sunday and get truly wankered after aloverly meal and have copius amounts of sex and nurse hangover without children.

loopylou6 · 01/09/2007 09:58

why cant they stay in a b &b or something?

mumsville · 01/09/2007 11:16

giggly - similar work situation to me and my mil who lives abroad wants to live in our small flat and look after ds. Um no - she couldn't too scared too chaotic and doesn't speak English.

I'm just starting work and my mother is coming to help transition of ds in nursery - a temporary thing as she lives an hour away. MIL is jealous - but mil can't leave the flat so how could she take ds and pick him up! At the end of the day it's not about personalities it's about practicalities!

Insist on what you feel is best.
Just do what's good for you.

Original poster
giggly · 01/09/2007 21:53

Thanks for the swift responses. I am glad for the reassurance to go with my feelings, however have just mentioned this to my sister who although she agrees that the mil is a nightmare, that perhaps I should bite the bullet. I just know it will be a nightmare but have told dh that mners have advised me not to allow the overnight thing. So much easier when you can blame some-one else, dont you think! They would never stay in a B&B as they are real homebirds and not confident enough either, I know that sounds mad but believe me they are for real. All I have to do is get dh to tell them now. Wish us luck.
I do like custardo's get wankered suggestion although am not sure I would want to ruin a great night by having a shag,

OP posts:
bozza · 01/09/2007 21:56

I think it is a bit rich to expect your ILs to stay in a B&B so that they can be your unpaid childcare TBH. What about if your parents did the two days one week and then your ILs did the two days the next week so they are only staying overnight once a fortnight?

LittleBella · 01/09/2007 22:01

No you can't expect them to stay in a B&B so they can provide free childcare. But you can't have them constantly in your home irritating you either. You just have to refuse their offer of help, your mum may be sort of right, but she's not the one who'd have to put up with them.

Unless... could they stay with your mum?

Original poster
giggly · 03/09/2007 14:55

Bozzo I was only replying to the B&B suggestion by Loopylou, Getting them to stay with my parents would be ideal except I dont think my parents would ever forgive me. Personnaly I would rather pay for the childcare, thats not the problem, the problem is that they will be very offended that we have not asked them, they would never consider themselves to be in the way or have any consideration for me returning home from work and wanting to spend some quiet time with dd,they would compete for dd attention as they always do when someone else is around. Basically they are very selfish and that makes them hard to be around.Oh I sound like a right cow, I am really very nice!,but thanks for the suggestions, anyone want to swap inlaws?

OP posts:
cestlavie · 03/09/2007 15:04

As Bozza says, could you live with them coming over once a fortnight? Not sure what you do but DW and myself each have one night out a week with our own friends (in addition to nights out together at the weekends). If you could arrange to go out one in every two times they're over you'd only have to see them once a month AND you'd be getting free child care! (You could 'save' the money you're not spending on childcare and use it to buy you and DH treats, like dinners outs, as further compensation for seeing them once a month?)

nailpolish · 03/09/2007 15:07

this needs to be a long term reliable solution. your job depends on it after all

having IL's to stay every weekd for the next few years? can you bear it? what if they want to go on holiday, or what if they just get fed up of travelling etc

nah, i d go for dd at your parents the day as she is just now, rest at nursery. possibly dd at your parents 2 days a week, no more

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