Did you survive the break up from someone you thought was the one?

[CharlieLima]

I need to hear some tales of survival from a relationship that was ultimately no good for you. Especially if you’re so much happier now not to have ‘him’ in your life anymore.

I have recently left a relationship behind me that was doing me no good. It was triggering emotional eating, self destructive behaviour and a lot of emotional turmoil. I still care about him very much but am truly ready to leave him in the past. However, I do have the odd wobble.

Please give me some hope for the future of a very happy life without him in it!

Thanks 😘

I did. The break up was hideous. I literally grieved for a love lost. It took me a year or so to get past it, which is quite a long time in your twenties. I still loved him but accepted it was not a good relationship and was not sustainable nor the foundation for a marriage or family.

I am now happily married to a much much better man, with whom I have 3 kids and a happy family life. I trusted, I waited, I kept hopeful and open. It has worked out very well for me and I am grateful I had strength to get through that, it was for the best.

It does get easier OP and life does get better when you’ve been stuck in a toxic relationship. It took me a long time to move forward after my ex and I split, we were caught up in a very push/pull relationship and like magnets we kept getting back together for all of the wrong reasons.

For so many years I felt like I needed him and it has taken me years to realise that I don’t need a single person. It has been so freeing and has stopped me going back to him.

I still have wobbles but I’m anxiety free for the first time in years and have found happiness and peace.

For me I had to block him everywhere. He can get hold of me on email alone but blocking him on SM means I don’t get the opportunity to stalk him. It’s not healthy and was driving me mad in the past.

I have to keep telling myself that I miss the person he was pretending to be on his good days but ultimately it was all a facade.

Hi there first of all a huge well done for putting yourself first and leaving!

I left a extremely toxic relationship and genuinely thought it was going to kill me, I was deeply depressed and no longer emotionally stable, for the first 8 months or so I cried every single day sometimes all day if I could, I felt suicidal most day because back then I really did think he was the most perfect man in the world for me and I loved him so much. But within time things got a little easier, I realised I was laughing and making jokes again one day, the days started getting easier, soon I started forgetting memories etc. And I started focusing on myself I smashed all of my personal goals and became a much more grown up, patient, loving and most importantly stress free person. Take it one day at a time and try doing things that will really take your mind of it, for me it was mostly Netflix and cleaning.

If he came back to me I wouldn’t never say yes, I realised my self worth and it’s so much more, always put yourself first,you’ll be much happier soon once you start focusing on yourself again

Yes. I was totally heartbroken, lost weight, cried every night, felt so so unhappy. As the months went by I realised that actually I was ok. Even though I still sometimes now (years later) smile at some memories or funny things that were said and the connection we had, it was right that it ended and I can say with honesty that I believe that while at the same time treasuring that those good times happened. And I wouldn’t go back there given the chance. So yes it’s possible to move on and feel much much better. X

Thank you everyone. I’m generally OK but I’m worried that I’m blocking things out rather than working through it and grieving properly. I’m worried that if I let myself feel the pain properly I’ll spiral downwards. Chances are he hasn’t given me a second thought.

Yes.
I fell in love again, and married.
It didn't work.
10 years on, he returned.
It's perfect now. Sometimes people change.

I have only ever had relief at leaving a relationship as I've been seriously unlucky with men, but my partner has had his life turned upside down by the person he thought was "the one".

They were together for almost a decade, were engaged, had a 1yo son and a house, good incomes, 2 cars, regular holidays, he was working towards a really good job by doing half work, half uni (back in the day where that was much more common) .. and then suddenly, she told him she was leaving, to go with someone else who she had been seeing.

Him and their 1yo son were left. She was the love of his life, everything seemed perfect. He was left to care for the child alone, so had to leave his uni course, so was stuck in the job he'd had with no more chance of promotion - so you're looking at full time, distance travelling, for £1,200 a month, when it would have more than double that after training - if not more!

He plunged into a deep depression, and his relationship with his son suffered, he couldn't trust women, he wasn't taking care of himself or his house, he stopped seeing his friends.

Now, 15 years later, he still has problems. The main one was how much it set his career back, as he was looking after a small child on his own - so he never got the chance to go back to uni, and by the time he could, the courses were completely different, so he couldn't earn and train at the same time.

He also really struggles in relationships. He keeps a huge part of himself held back, and won't give women his full emotions in case he gives it everything he has again, and she leaves him.

This resulted in him "settling" for a woman for 8 years who he didn't really love, and was more of a mother to him if anything. It seemed to suit her too, but eventually he'd had enough and split with her - which was even worse for his son, as he'd seen this lady as a mum more than his actual mum. So that caused a load of upset.

Then when he got with me, a year after being single, he was so, so cautious (as was I after my previous - so in many ways it looked like we were doomed from the start!) and he warned me that he really struggles with affection, he only told his ex he loved her twice in 8 years (while pissed - because he actually didn't), and he didn't know if he could let himself fall for me.

It has been a long road for us, BUT, he will now tell me he loves me sometimes. It's easier for him over text, but he does say it to me when we're cuddled up in bed too, which is always a really nice surprise. He does still struggle with affection, and sometimes he even seems to tense up if I want to cuddle while watching a film or anything, but every month that passes I feel him relaxing more, and things getting easier.

We've been together for almost 2 and a half years now, and live together. He has a long way to go, but I see a huge difference in him now since we met, so I hope that finally we can build the life together that we both deserve after going out with the people we've been unlucky enough to meet before!