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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Am i in a "Casual Relationship"?

2 replies

EdieEllen09 · 28/01/2020 19:24

Hello! This is a bit of a long winded one, so let me apologise in advance. So…I came out of a 7-year relationship last year, it was a tough break up. He pretty much done a midnight flit and I have not heard a word from him since. To this day I’m not even sure what the issue was. However, now I’m dating this new guy. We met about 6 months ago and he is fantastic. He is sweet, kind, caring, texts me every day etc…The issue is…it doesn’t seem to be going anywhere.
When we first met I admit I slept with him pretty quick as that’s all I was really looking for at the time. We met online therefore the usual questions were asked “what is it your looking for” blah blah blah. He had told me at the time that he was “tired of the single life and wanted the one person who was loyal” So at first we would meet up once a week or once a fortnight for sex and he would stay over. Nothing major, I was playing it cool, casual, aloof some might say! But of course, fast forward a few months and I’ve only gone and fell head over heels for him.
Now I don’t know what I’m doing. Sometimes I think he feels the same as he will say things like “I miss you” or “I’m so excited to see you this weekend”. He has also taken me away for the weekend a couple of times. But he has never approached the subject with me. The closest we got was at the beginning and he asked to not to sleep with other people it we were meeting up for sex. Then other times I think he just sees us as casual sex buddies as he has not once mentioned meeting his family, he point blank refuses to come to my house if my family are in. In addition, all our “dates” are just us sitting in the house, we haven’t ever been out for dinner or drinks. I’m terrified to bring it up to him as I’m scared I wont like the answer, then if it transpires it is only casual for him then that will ruin everything as I wouldn’t be able to keep seeing him and at the same time I need to know as I want more.
My last relationship was so intense, everything seems to happen so quick, whereas now I am 6 months in and don’t know what the score is. Does anyone have any similar experiences and perhaps have any advise on how to move forward? Or am I just being a paranoid wreck because let’s face it, its only been 6 months? ha! Also does this sound like a casual relationship? I’ve never experienced one before, I feel like I’m out of the loop. Thanks for listening.

OP posts:
crimsonlake · 28/01/2020 19:41

Well he is not exactly romancing you? I would expect in the early days to be going out for meals etc. You really need to bite the bullet and ask him, you have nothing to lose.

rvby · 28/01/2020 19:47

You should feel confident at any stage of a relationship. The way you feel is a red flag.

Fwiw, I dated my dp casually for a year, we never had any conversations about how serious we were, etc.

One day after literally a year I realized that if we stopped seeing each other, it would feel like a breakup at least to me, and I wanted him to know that because if he wouldn't feel that way, it was a risk to me. So, the next day, I addressed it with him and we agreed we were an item.

There was no hand wringing.

It's not meant to feel this way, you are not supposed to be afraid. Tell him how you feel and ask how he feels, and deal with whatever results - or - honestly - walk away.

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