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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Should I carry on?

6 replies

Whit2019 · 28/01/2020 16:49

I bought a house with my boyfriend last year. Two months after moving in I find a text on his phone at 2am from a girl. He said its a really good friend from work. It turns out to be a colleague who he employed a month prior. He manages a team and therefore I am used to him mentioning names, but hers was never bought up. He had been messaging her every day for weeks long detailed messages.
He reluctantly said he would stop speaking to her outside of work I find out two weeks later he has called her when I am out and continued messaging.
We nearly broke up at this point. He said he wants to be with me forever and will stop speaking to her. She was a temp and left the business anyway two month later in September. We moved on and then at Christmas I offered to pick him up from his Christmas party which was over an hours drive away, in the circumstances he wouldn't get drunk and would be ready waiting when I arrived. He was completely slaughtered, wouldnt come out and then I find a message from a random girl on his phone, who he had been calling when I was waiting outside. Also taken selfies with a random girl. On confrontation it was another girl from his work he had met that night, and apparently gave her his number so she could have the photo...he cant even remember the night. We have started fresh and he has started getting professional help for his drinking. I don't know whether solving the drinking will help regain trust again or if it's a lost cause :(

OP posts:
MikeUniformMike · 28/01/2020 16:56

I'd walk away. Sell the house or get him to buy you out.

xpc316e · 28/01/2020 17:49

Sounds to me as though you are setting yourself up for a life of distrust and misery if you wish to continue with this relationship.

MsDogLady · 28/01/2020 17:52

He had been messaging her everyday for weeks long detailed messages. He reluctantly said he would stop speaking to her outside of work I find out two weeks later he has called her when I am out and continued messaging.

He lied and continued ego-boosting with this woman, and alcohol wasn’t involved. Don’t you deserve to be with a trustworthy man who respects you?

anotherdisaster · 28/01/2020 18:09

He cannot be trusted at all. He has persistently messaged others even after being caught. How old is he? Why does he feel the need for all this attention from other women?
Its not good OP and I'm afraid I would never trust him and that's not a good basis for a relationship. Don't let then fact you have just bought a house cloud your judgment either.

MikeAlphaMike · 28/01/2020 18:20

The drink is an excuse. He's the problem not the drink.

Elmer83 · 28/01/2020 18:56

Run!! You will never trust him! Sounds like a boy in a mans body to me. Xx

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