Am I being controlling?

[WTAFFF]

My DP was telling me that he had had an amusing email exchange with a particular company.

I asked him if I could have a read of the email trail for my amusement. He basically went like a rabbit in the headlights and muttered that he would ‘paraphrase’ what was said.

We have both never normally had a problem with going on each other’s phones. This just seemed weird. I told him this and he got really defensive and said that he just wanted to talk to me about it and that it is ‘good to talk’.

He has been meeting up recently (as part of a group) with a woman who he used to fancy and this increased secrecy coincides with this. He told me he has changed his FB password and makes sure he is logged out on our iPad if I’m going on there after him. He also clears his browser.

Am I just being really paranoid or is this a bit odd?

hiding something

Sounds annoy dodgy to me. I'd be suspicious.

I am suspicious. But I have no proof of anything so probably have to let this one go.

Thanks for your replies

Dodgy AF

Well, you don't have to let it go.

You aren't comfortable about him meeting with a woman he had feelings for, he is now behaving secretively in a way he didn't before.

You get to set your own boundaries and decide what you are comfortable with in a relationship.

I would insist that he immediately opens all up for you to look at or he leaves. Unfortunately this will likely reveal information which requires he leaves.

I agree does sound dodgy. Whilst I support probs y and trust in a relationship, he is meeting with a woman he used to fancy and I wouldn't be comfortable with that.

Privacy not prob

Hmm, dodgy. Was first sign something amiss for me...I was in a pub with ex and a friend and couldn't get reception on my phone to check a dinner reservation. Asked to use hers and rabbit in headlights look appeared with excuse that she wouldn't have reception either. (I actually only realised the significance of this refusal in retrospect as I mentally went through the events before breakup, I didn't feel suspicious at the time at all) There was someone else and a month later we were done.

Hope it's a different situation for you OP. Don't jump to conclusions but perhaps just keep an eye out.

I also support trust in a relationship and I genuinely wasn’t snooping or hoping to snoop.

It was just so blatant that he was thinking of something to say. When I said he was acting shady he then got a bit angry and said I could look at his phone. I kind of wish had looked now.

Sounds like he was calling your bluff. Why get angry.
Definitely hiding something. Why change passwords?

I don’t know why he has changed his password. I know he is messaging the group on Facebook but haven’t seen any of the messages.

I’m a bit thrown by the whole thing because if I thought one thing about him it’s that I could trust him.

I mean who actually says I will paraphrase it for you as it’s better to talk. I mean that’s just bullshit isn’t it.

I have also said that I don’t want him to lie to me and if he is up to something just to tell me. He asked me why I was still harping on about his phone. Now he doesn’t appear to be speaking to me.

It might have been something as benign as your DP embellishing their response to the company to make them sound better / more amusing. Then when you asked to see the responses they didnt want to show they were fibbing. He might have had an ex who demanded such access in the past and you asking for it reminded him of them.

I'm always amazed as the inconsistency on MN regarding whether you have an obligation to provide access to your DP for phones and computers. I've always viewed the demand as somewhat controlling.

The only question that matters is do you trust them?

@EASUYA - I have never had any reason not to trust him. However, he hadn’t really told me any details other than the bare minimum when I asked if I could have a read. Like literally he said ‘I had a mad conversation with XX when complaining about XX it was hilarious’.

I would never demand to see his phone or messages. I refused to look at them today. I don’t know - hopefully my trust will feel less shaky in a day or so.