Separated . What will you never tolerate again in relationships

[organisedchaosagain]

Following on from another thread about hygiene and respect for self and oh, what will you never tolerate again, or insist on?
I am Six months dumped .
It was sudden and harsh. There was another woman lined up.
I am over the initial shock and investing all my emotional energy into our children who are doing ok mostly.
He was self absorbed and non communicative and literally dumped all family business to me including home despite us both working full time .
I am having counselling and am now examining my part in the split and how to not repeat my own mistakes .
What have you learned and what will you never tolerate again, or insist on , in a future relationship . Thanks

I will never tolerate someone who cannot make their mind up about the relationship, I would just walk away now without hesitation and not waste another 3 years of my life having the complete life knocked out of me!

I will never clean / pick up after anyone else. The amount of time wasted bickering over whose standard of cleanliness was “normal” and who should have cleaned the kitchen, I will never die on that hill again. If this means we have a cleaner so that we never need to argue about it, so be it.

I will also never put up with a partner telling me I can’t be friends with or talk to other men. I will spend my time with who I want, when I want.

I would prioritise sex, romance and intimacy over friendship and home managing.
I'd want him to prioritise the relationship as much as me. To not take it/me for granted.
I would immed watch how he is in public with me, whether he's ignoring me or taking me into account. Ie the latter please.
I would also be looking at my own issues/behaviour and hold myself more accountable.

I will never tolerate a relationship when it only "works" if you always put the other person's needs first.

I will never tolerate another relationship where I can't talk about my feelings, where I'm told what I think, what I like... I won't tolerate lies, gaslighting or manipulation.

I won't tolerate controlling behaviour or power struggles.

That low self esteem and low self worth would always draw me to shitty men.

Working on these and always putting myself first has had the biggest positive impact on my life.

Meant to add: consequently, my list of deal breakers is too long to write!

High standards are a good thing

I will never tolerate being scared in my home ever again.

Expectancy for me to clean up after them. Lying. Messaging other women. Putting other women other than family before me. Uncertainty in what they want out of the relationship. Lack of communication. Speaking down to my child for no reason.

Avoiding then blame and putting it on me, rather than owning up to it.

These are so empowering for me to read so thank you. I know they will help me .
I will never do 90% of house/ administration/ cooking ever again.
I will never be ignored nightly for hours on end.
I will never tolerate a man glued to his phone.
I will not t pick up the pieces when a man' forgets' to organise insurance/ tax/ bills/ present shipping/ passport loss and all the other ' jobs' that only pertain to himself .
I will not organise all dates / holidays/ gigs etc.
I know they seem like small things but when they are added up and you have a full time job, travel and bring upthree kids on your own , they become overwhelming.
I will never allow a man with low hygiene into my bed again.
I will be a 50% contributor to a relationship .
I will try not to repeat myself over and over when the basic maintenance of a house needs to be done.i will simply pay someone to do this and not be afraid of the consequences when his big ego is bruised:

Single 17 years here (to all intents and purposes, not celibate though for all that time)

My ex was actually an ok person aside from the cheating! But other exes there were issues. So mine are mostly petty really.

I think it very unlikely I’ll have another serious relationship (I’m 47, disabled and mentally ill and I just can’t be arsed really)

I’ll never again put up with:

Having sports on tv for HOURS

Now dd has moved out never clean up after another person again (I’m LOVING the place being and staying clean and tidy and things staying where I bloody left them!)

I will never allow myself to be gaslit again

I will never have to prioritise my time and what I want to do with it to accommodate a partners needs to my detriment again.

Never have to put up with drunken amorous slobbering again.

All power to you op - onwards and upwards.

There is nothing appealing about living with a man and I will not do it ever again. Compromise is not a state I choose to live in. I do not give a flying fuck about how someone else's day was, what they want to eat or where they want to go.

Things I learnt after my first marriage ended.
Not putting up with

Sport on TV all the time
Expectation of sex after going out to pub with mates multiple times a week
Being treated like someone’s mum, expected to make pack lunches etc
Basically with regards to money, what’s yours is mine and what’s mine is mine

Expectation that going to football all day every other Saturday and sometimes in the week was perfectly normal

I will always be 100% independent so if another relationship fails it won't hurt as much, and will be easier to recover from.

Won't accept clingy or needy men.
Won't accept any kind of lack of respect. If you are in MY house you put the toilet seats down and if you are last out of bed you fucking make it.
Won't accept someone getting 'upset' because I am seeing my friends.
Won't accept anyone who watches porn.
Any slight sign of even beginning to cheat - you will be dumped.
But I'm happily single and intend on staying that way.
Any man will need to be exceptional and extraordinary.

My life will never revolve around a man. I will never compromise myself for a man.
Frankly I can't think of anything I need one for. I like making out like a teen. I like hugs and cuddles and talking about random things. Going places together. Yep, can't think of anything else I need one for.
Most guys are so terrible in bed after awhile, I can be bothered with bad sex.

Any man will need to be exceptional and extraordinary.

Pretty much same here though as I'm bi also applies to women.

Anyone who thinks being in a relationship with a woman is easier is sadly mistaken I'm afraid.

Yes there can be different challenges but there's still things like jealousy, control, selfishness and laziness from women too.

There is only one thing I'd never put up with again - a lack of openness with feelings and even just general chit chat. It's a lonely place to be..

Saying that there was lots of things I've never put up with:

Selfishness.
Abuse.
Man child.
Lazy.
Cocklodger.
Not being 'exclusive' from the first date - if it doesn't work out, then fine move on to the next person but only date one person at a time.
Misogyny.
Shitty son to his mother.
Cheated on a previous partner.
Doesn't see his children.
Telling me what I can or can't do.
Needy, pathetic or loveboming behaviours.
Someone who always prioritises themselves over you.

Selfishness
Inability to do anything around the house withoit being prompted.
Gaslighting
Debt (just found out stbexh has around £5000 in payday loans)

Relationships full stop. I'll never be in one again. Married twice, lived with a couple of others. It's not for me.

a mummy’s boy, a manchild
Foul language
Drink
Someone who can’t/won’t carry his own responsibilities
A complete fantasist
A narcacisst
A person who manipulates, me, his children, family, friends, institutions for his own ends
Oh! And someone who loves himself, his money and his mother, more than he loves me!

I could go on, but that would be boring!🤣🙄😮

@WendyMoiraAngelaDarling Thumbs up. :)

Some of mine would be:-

Unpredictable moods/temper that make me walk on eggshells.

Derogatory comments about my appearance.

Attempts at sexual coercion etc.

I will never be scared of a man again
I will never change my personality for a man again
I will never give a man my money again (apart from my fair share for bills etc)
I will never turn a blind eye to cheating again
I will never do the pick me dance again
I will never be with someone who hurts me in any way