I need to leave

[hotchocolateisallme]

This has been boiling for awhile,years in fact. It's got to the point where I physically can't be with my husband anymore. God I love him,but he just treats me like shit. We've had to move back into his parents for certain reasons and I now hate my life even more. I feel like I'm living under their watchful eyes everyday of my life with no escape. I have no money at all to my name as I'm a stay at home mum to my 2 year old boy. If I leave I literally have nothing. And I know if I leave it's final-my husband would never take me back. I'm currently 12 weeks pregnant with my second and obviously would be taking my son too. Where would the council put us? My husband says if I tried to go into a hostel with him he would take my son away and make him stay with him and this just can't happen. Advice greatly appreciated

Your the main carer so he wouldn't get to keep your son. You'd go into a family hostel.
Rather than going to the council, approach women's aid.
You're being treated badly and you're financially vulnerable.
Get some advice from them about getting away. They can help you with housing and benefits applications.

The council can only provide what's available, which is likely to be a hostel. You would then need to go on the housing register and wait until a suitable property comes up. In my area, the wait is approximately five years. Or you could arrange a private rental and if you're entitled to benefits, this cost would be subsidised but you would need to find the shortfall. Your husband couldn't remove your son from you without good reason.

You are in an abusive relationship with your H. You cannot rely on his parents to help you here either; the rotten apple that is your H did not fall far from the rotten tree that is his family.

How watchful are his parents, can you leave their house without either?. Does your abusive H go to work?.

Can you walk into a police station under the pretext of taking your two year old son out for a walk or to the shops?. Tell them all that has been happening to you and the fact too you have no money (I presume as well your H controls all that together with your access to same and that is financial abuse as well from him). You need help to escape the coercive control and coercive control is a crime.

Do you have a mobile phone or can you enlist the help of a friend outside the home to assist you with calling Womens Aid on 0808 2000 247. They can and will also help you leave.

Why do you state that you love him; maybe this is because you are actually confusing love here with codependency and the erroneous belief that he has instilled in you thinking that you would never manage without him. He is also doing what many abusive men do; i.e use threats to take he child away from you. Its an empty threat but it works because it gets you as the abused person to further comply. His actions towards you are all about power and control.

Abuse like described and it is abuse will also affect your children because they will see you as their mother being abused. This is no legacy to leave them. This will also take you a long time, perhaps years even now, to recover from and that whole process will only start once you are fully away from him and his associated abuses of you. On a wider level you will need counselling for your own self going forward and Womens Aid's Freedom Programme could also help you no end.

The Rights of Women organisation can also provide legal advice.