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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

from a best friend to a lover?!?!

13 replies

AnnaBanana26 · 27/01/2020 20:12

I need some advice.
I am so confused by my own mind at the moment I don’t even trust how I’m feeling one day to the next.

My male best friend of 11 years has always wanted more from me but I had never felt the same until recently. Before Christmas we went out for food and a couple of drinks (as we always do) and something was different. I felt excited, almost giddy at the idea of seeing him that night. It felt like a date. I had a great time in his company as always and I kissed him in the taxi on the way home.
I woke up the next morning and didn’t regret it one bit, so I told him I remembered the kiss and I reassured him that I wanted to do that and it wasn’t a silly drunken thing.
Anyway, skip forward a few weeks and we have chemistry, amazing chemistry sexually, we can’t keep our hands off each other when we are round each other.
Why has this just clicked like a switch in my mind?! I can’t believe how I never saw him in this way, and I mean NEVER until that night. And now I think about him all the time. He tells me he worships the ground I walk on, he loves me and always has and he’s so supportive of everything I want to achieve in life.
But I keep having a niggling feeling the past week and I can’t say for sure what’s causing it, I’m scared to open up too much to him and I’m holding back parts of myself and I have no idea why.
I’m fickle natured and I think I have a huge fear of building him up by saying all these lovely things back and then changing my mind because I’m so miffed at the suddenness of my attraction toward him! My main worry is hurting him, I know he’s wanted this for all these years and I think part of this is I feel pressure for this to be it now because I can’t face ever causing him pain and maybe the thought of ‘what if’ all the time is ruining me enjoying the present moment with him?
I’m almost not letting myself enjoy what we have because I’m still in disbelief, surely it can’t be this good?
Am I overthinking? Has anyone had this experience with a friend before? And also from an outside perspective what do you think it is that’s making me hold back, I have been searching my brain but I can’t find the reason and it’s so frustrating!!

OP posts:
Fidgety31 · 27/01/2020 20:54

I got with my make friend- after being mates for about 20 years .
I tried a relationship with him for about 4 years but i ended it because I’m so many other ways I still only saw him as a friend , not a long term romantic partner

KurriKawari · 27/01/2020 22:21

OP, you sound just like me. We took 18 years to get together. I've found being open and honest really helped. He is and always will be my best friend. So rather than worry I've told him when I'm feeling unsure/worried/confused n he does the same. We listen, we respect n we help each other. And we both know no matter what happens we will never lose that friendship. Have a good honest chat and you'll find he's probably already thinking all the same things too.

simplekindoflife · 27/01/2020 22:47

All of my boyfriends (five!) were my really good friends first. And one of them is now my husband!

I think the best relationships are built on friendships. Take a deep breath, don't pressure yourself and don't over analyse it, just enjoy it!

simplekindoflife · 27/01/2020 22:51

Oh dear, my post sounds like I have lots of partners at one time!

Just to clarify, one boyfriend at a time! All now exes bar my husband.

My goodness! I'm very tired! Confused

dontgobaconmyheart · 28/01/2020 00:24

I think it is natural to be suspicious because when things are too good to be true IMO, they usually are. Theres a lot more to a relationship than sexual chemistry and he sounds very full on, as though now you've snagged that's it, done deal, together forever because it's a happy ending.

Presumably he has dated and told women he loves them during this period of time he has 'always' been actually in love with you? A fantasy is nice and all bit realistically it's not likely is it, always had a bit of s thing for you maybe.

I'd just take it slow OP. I dated a long term friend, similar thing, amazing chemistry because it was so pent up. Thought it was fate, I'd found the one. No matter how good friends you are though it is not a patch on the intimacy of abrelationship and inward surprised to find that really I didnt 'know' him intimately at all, in the emotional respect and vice versa. The attraction stayed but the relationship didnt work, he just didnt match up to all the fantasy and all the hyperbolic nonsense we chatted at the start "wow why didnt we do this before we are SO compatible etc" ( we weren't, after a year).

AgeOfDragons · 28/01/2020 00:35

On the other hand i got together with my best friend and i'm now devastated and we have both lost each other as friends (for now) as we go through this, because we've had to cut contact to get past the breakup. So i've lost my lover, partner and best/closest friend.

It was his decision to split and i'm struggling because i still see it "working out" eventually. I think if i ever manage to fall out of love with him we could be friends again. But there's too much hope and pain right now or for the foreseeable future. I'm somehow convinced he will change his mind and fall for me again and he's adamant he never will.

I think i may be more like your best friend in this scenario, and personally i wish this had happened a lot earlier. Sorry this wasn't more positive for you (but bear in mind my break up is very recent and the situations may not compare at all).

Mikeymoo12 · 28/01/2020 01:43

Go for it, you've already crossed a boundary and so many people start relationships after been friends. I hope it works out and you are both super happy

AnnaBanana26 · 28/01/2020 08:12

Thanks
It is a tricky one because I feel so much pressure due to the fact there is so much at stake. He means a lot to me so I am so aware of hurting him and it almost makes me hold back just in case!
There are a load of good things that we have together though.
The one major difference that is niggling away is I have had two long term relationships in the past and his longest has been one year. Sometimes I think he does live in a bit of a fairy tale and isn’t aware of some of the trials and tribulations a standard relationship will face and I’m not sure if that will be a problem for us. I guess time will tell?

OP posts:
Sweetener12 · 28/01/2020 08:19

I support PP saying you don't need to analyse itover and over, sometimes good things just take time, that's it

Shockers · 28/01/2020 08:30

Don’t you already have a long relationship though- as friends?

AnnaBanana26 · 28/01/2020 08:43

@Shockers yeah we do.
I just think sometimes romantic relationships are different in the sense that there’s more emotion involved and that brings other things to the table maybe?
But I take your point because we have been through a lot together over those 11 years so that’s a positive

OP posts:
FreshStart01 · 28/01/2020 11:20

I have ummmed and errred about posting but here I go. I will try not to project my reflections on to your new relationship, you need to decide on that.

My husband and I started off as housemates. There was an instant friendship, we just got each other and made each other laugh. He especially made me laugh. However he was not remotely my type, and I did not find him physically attractive at all. I'm not actually friends with men very often, as I think I blur the lines, I will always ask myself if I fancy him or he fancies me. I probably knew that he fancied me and as time went on we were increasingly tactile, holding hands on the way back from the pub, giving each other a peck good night. I didn't take it all that seriously, I was pretty young, recently moved to a new city and in fact I had a boyfriend although long-distance and I'd got back together with him after moving so I think we both knew we were drifting apart. Eventually I made the move (he never would have) as I felt jealous when he paid another girl attention, and one thing inevitably led to another. I finished with the boyfriend and we started going out, but I blew hot and cold. I hurt him a lot at the beginning, deciding whether I wanted it or not. I moved out fairly soon as living together became too intense, but ultimately we stayed together, got married, had two amazin children, built a lovely house together.

Fast forward to now, 20 years later. Am I happy? Honestly, no. I am trying very hard to accept what I have and feel grateful because I know that I am very lucky. We still generally get on very well, we still make each other laugh. We are intimate with each other although I generally don't initiate it, but I don't push him away either and can enjoy it. The problem is that I am not physically attracted to him. I'm not turned off by him or repulsed by him, and I enjoy kissing and cuddling with him. I suppose its the old I love him but I'm not in love with him. Three years a go I got very low and I told him this. We worked through it and he did everything he could to make my life better and easier, and now I tell him I love him. I do love him. But there is something missing and every so often I wake up literally in a cold sweat and panic. I am on prozac for anxiety.

I will not leave him. We are a family and I believe in marriage being for life, especially if you've had children. I made a choice as an adult, and I have to live with it. My legacy will be giving my children a life with parents that stay together, because neither of us had that and I think it had a massive impact on our self-confidence. I know MN will tell me I should just leave him and be on my own, but life really isn't that simple, is it. Or it is, but others get hurt. My biggest regret, and guilt, is not allowing him to find someone who truely adored him and found him absolutely gorgeous, because he deserves that. I will make it my mission to treat him as he deserves.

My advice to my younger self would be to be truely honest with myself about how physically attracted I felt, and to follow my gut. There is always lust fuelled chemistry at the beginning of the relationship, but when you've been at home with a toddler and a baby all day, and you're mad as hell at your husband who's just sat down to have a cup of tea rather than walk the dog, chemistry doesn't do you any good. Friendship is most definitely the most important thing in a marriage, but there needs to be something more. I think you know if you have it. I listened to my head, telling me it was right without really listening to my heart which was telling me it didn't FEEL quite right.

I would also say that a frienship where one person has always held a candle for the other, hoping it would be more, isn't really a true friendship. I think it was always inevitable that at some point you would succumb and his passion will drive things forward for a while. He would have been hurt anyway at some point, so if you do eventually decide that what you feel isn't enough for a long-term romantic relationship, then I think you have to accept that. You will not remain friends, because it was always one sided in some respect. That is sad, but you were both wishing for different things from the beginning.

On the other hand, my experience is not everyone's experience and if you decide that what you feel is as amazing as what he is feeling then I wish you a long and happy life together, as I certainly think that's possible from a friendship. Please just don't go along with it for the wrong reasons, for him, or because you think it should work. Go with your gut because you have a long life ahead of you.

AnnaBanana26 · 28/01/2020 14:57

@FreshStart01 thank you for your response. I can understand the things you are saying and sadly for me I can relate to the feelings you’re describing in your younger self. I am scared that we wouldn’t be able to handle the pressures of a normal relationship as we are different in a lot of ways, I’m very emotional, an over/deep thinker - he’s much more happy with the status quo in life and sees things for what they are and this has frustrated me recently. I think this is what’s currently being masked by the passion we have and I’m scared it’s going to die out and I’m going to inevitably have to hurt him.
It’s so confusing to me because I really wanted to kiss him that night and I feel stupid really for crossing the line knowing I was unsure about what the rest of it may bring.
But you live and learn I suppose.

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