I have no confidence

[damaged888]

After a long time in an abusive relationship, I spent a few years on my own, concentrating on my kids then A nice bloke asked me out, I said yes because I think it's about time I got back out there. So the first date was really nice. We got on, had lots in common, he said he wanted to see me again, he went into kiss me and I froze! I literally froze. I just said I was sorry I just couldn't.
He said he understood, we met again today, and he tried to kiss me, it felt right that he should as we were flirting ect but I couldn't do it. It's not like I don't want to, I like him, but I just freeze!!!
My ex would constantly put me down, and I realise now that it's done more damage than I thought.
I want to kiss him, it's like my body just says no!!!
He says he understands and that he will wait and still wants to see me again.

I don't know what to do I feel awful. I feel so damaged 😩. I feel like I'll push him away. I know I don't have to kiss anyone I don't want to, but I do.

Anyone else experience this?

Ah sweetheart, it's going to take a bit of time to build yourself up again.

Kissing on a first or second date is clearly too fast for you. He's said he is prepared to wait, so take the kissing off the table, do yo speak, and just enjoy spending time with him. You may well find the kissing comes naturally when you trust he wants to get to know you.

You deserve happiness

So to speak*

You need to explain about your previous relationship otherwise he might get the impression it's him that's the turn off

I would only give a brief reason for your reaction to the kissing, don’t dive in too quick telling him your life history. He hopefully is lovely, but some men would exploit vulnerabilities.

Posh and Becks didn't kiss till their 4th date. (DH and I didn't kiss till our 5th date!) It's all good. Just take it slow.

Thank you everyone, I won't put anymore pressure on myself. He does know my last relationship was a horrible one, but not much else. I just feel so abnormal.

Did you have any counselling after you left your abusive ex? These relationships can kill our confidence and self esteem.

There are lots of at home exercises you can do for confidence building as well. Lots of meditation apps have guided sessions to help rebuild your self esteem.

@EvenMoreFuriousVexation no counselling. I didn't realise how badly it had affected me till I started to date again. I'll take a look, thanks