If a partner stopped loving you, how did you cope?

[GilbertMarkham]

If you suspected or became aware that your partner had stopped loving you .. (or at the very least their feelings had lessened or become mixed) how did you cope?

It would depend on whether it's a:
temporary phase (lots of stresses, possibly some illness on either side);
permanent state;
suspicion that there's someone else;
realisation that you've both changed and this can happen.

Coping strategies for the options would be very different.

Asked them to leave, split up, sold house, split assets, met someone else, got married. Lived (so far) happily ever after.

Yeah that's a massive over simplification but I wasn't prepared to stay with someone who thought the grass may be greener.

Been there and put up with shit for a year with him dithering about whether he loved me or not. At the time I wish I'd have had the strength to split when he first said he had 'lost the spark'. Fact was there was an OW in the background.

Not the case with everyone, obviously. I have a friend whose husband has just left her following his decline in MH. Nobody else in the background at all. She is devastated, but putting practical things in place to divorce.

So far I've cried every day for over a year. Probably not very helpful sorry.

Also an OW in our case.

@Grafittiqueen

Sorry

@Bujinkhal

Kids together?

No fortunately no kids, it made things much simpler. Everything else was tied together though, I'd moved away from family and friends to be closer to her family.

There's scars, isn't there always, it was a long relationship, 17 years and honestly at first I was a total mess.

She tried to run off with one of my good friends, luckily for my mental health he rejected her.

Now though, I'm so much happier, I'm in a marriage of mutual respect, where we genuniely care for each other and put each other first. I'm a father and stepfather which is something I always wanted and had caused tension in the other relationship.

In retrospect it ending was the best thing that could have happened, it really didn't feel like it at the time and I did have some very dark days but the one thing I kept was my self respect, no pick me dance, no middle of the night texts, I just went no contact 100%. Basically ok if you think you can do better, go find it.

No idea if she did, and now I really don't care either way.

The first few months are the hardest but after that you start to see things with a clearer eye and realise that you are a person of value and your life can be good again without them.

These days it's not just good, it's great.

If I have one piece of advice for you it's keep your head held high and conduct yourself with dignity. Once it's all over, you'll be glad you did.