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Original poster

Avoided on purpose?

21 replies

Wherefromhere01 · 27/01/2020 08:03

My partner and I just got married aboard a cruise ship. We invited immediate family to come with us and paid for their staterooms, parking, formal wear and drinks etc.

We wanted them with us to celebrate our wedding and looked forward to spending time with them aboard the 14 night cruise.

I had aways got on well with the in-laws prior to this but im left dissapointed and worried about their behavior on the cruise. During the whole time on the cruise we only ended up seeing them a few hours on our wedding day and for the odd 2-3 minutes if we managed to find them before they would then disappear.

We reserved a family table for the evening and told them about it, thinking we could all eat together and then go watch a show and have drinks together. They only ever came down once during the whole cruise, then made an excuse that they were tired and left. They never bothered dining at the family table after that.

When we would call at their stateroom, they would be out. Their stateroom was next to ours which means they would have walked straight past ours.

Then we bumped into them disembarking for the beach, we said we're off to the beach too and will walk with you. We walked down the street towards the beach past a few shops, I turned to check my daughter then turned back to them but they had gone. I assume into one if the shops. We arrived at the beach, then they arrived about 10 minutes after us but sat 100 or so yards away from us and just waved as they went past.

I feel they avoided us on purpose and just treated our wedding celebration as their holiday but my hubby says no they wasnt avoiding us and its caused some arguments.

Does anyone else think its odd how they never made an efford to meet up with us?

They didn't even buy us a wedding card and Im wondering if its a sign of them not accepting me?

OP posts:

OhMeows · 27/01/2020 08:14

Very weird.

Flick9670 · 27/01/2020 08:17

You paid for their whole holiday and they didn't spend any time with you? That is so odd, in laws are a weird lot though!

bigchris · 27/01/2020 08:18

They were either too OTT in giving you space on your honeymoon or they don't like you

Awful for your daughter thiugh, most grandparents would have offered to have her while you had a romantic meal or something

bigchris · 27/01/2020 08:19

Some people also just feel ill at ease on holiday

How have they been since you got back ?

Scarsthelot · 27/01/2020 08:21

Did you book the family table for every night?

I agree they could have soent sometime with you.

I suppose it depends on who they are and who how they are in general.

If they are decent people in general I would assume they werent comfortable eating together every evening and they dodnt have any bad intentions.

Not sure I would want 14 days of family dinners with the my sons in laws.

To be honest, if I was getting married abroad I would expect people to also enjoy it as their own holiday. Though they could have spent some time with you. But spending the majority of time doing their own thing would be fine with me.

gobbynorthernbird · 27/01/2020 08:58

You've essentially forced them to go on holiday (I know they could've said no, but they'd have missed their son's wedding). I'd see how things go before making judgement.

MissSueDenim · 27/01/2020 09:05

Are your PIL still working? Did they have to use 2 weeks annual leave for your wedding? If so, will this be their only holiday this year?

You mention paying for staterooms, parking, formal wear and drinks, does that mean they still had to pay for flights, clothes for the rest of the trip, food, excursions & so on? Since you went to the beach in January, I’m guessing your cruise was a long haul flight away so did they incur a lot of costs?

I’m just wondering if due to the time & money, they viewed this as a holiday for themselves whilst also trying to give you & your DH space as newlyweds?

I’m assuming your family was there too, is it possible they didn’t want to spend time with them?

FinallyHere · 27/01/2020 16:23

Could they have attended just for the wedding/reception without doing the whole cruise ?

Perhaps that is what they would have preferred to do.

Original poster

Wherefromhere01 · 27/01/2020 16:30

They are retired, so no there was no need for them to use any annual leave.

There was no flight involved. We originally planned to fly abroad and get married. But they would not accept this and therefore the cruise was a compromise for them.

We didnt expect them to spend all their time with us, but a little bit of time with us would have been nice. I did also find it odd how they never offered to spend time with their granddaughter. The night of our wedding, we asked if they would be able to watch her for an hour but they laughed and walked off.

OP posts:

Original poster

Wherefromhere01 · 27/01/2020 16:32

Forgot to say that when we got home they wanted us to book another cruise and take them away again. I have politely said we do not have the money at the moment.

OP posts:

TeeBee · 27/01/2020 17:03

Wtf? Just sound like selfish freeloaders to me!

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 27/01/2020 17:07

Your husband is in complete denial. I guess its understandable as it's not nice to admit your family dont want to see you. Why would anyone go on holiday with another family only to spend 3 hours together? May as well have been a different week.

strawberry2017 · 27/01/2020 17:34

I suggest you never ever ever go away with them again.
I understand not wanting to live out if each other's pockets but I agree with a PP, spending time with their grandchild so you could have a few hours alone would have been a nice gesture.

MissSueDenim · 27/01/2020 19:17

Yeah sorry OP, from your update it looks like they took advantage & used you for a free holiday that was to their liking. From now on, I’d give them a wide berth (no pun intended) if I were you.

Congratulations on your wedding though!!

EKGEMS · 28/01/2020 01:10

gobbynorthernbird You need to buy a dictionary and look up the word force you obviously are confused

BumbleBeee69 · 28/01/2020 01:22

Perhaps they didn't want to be Childminders, neither would I, but you really didn't them, there is a full Night Nursery up on the Children's deck... in fact the on board facilities are so good .. they would occupy any couple should they choose to use them.. for the entire cruise... which is what sounds like happened grin]

Sounds like a blessing in disguise OP... Honeymoon couple manages to avoid In-Laws at every turn.. bonus

gobbynorthernbird · 28/01/2020 12:45

@EKGEMS, bearing in mind I posted before the OP updated that the in-laws had very cheekily asked for another free holiday, I meant exactly that. When close family get married abroad (or far away, or on a cruise, or whatever) there is very little choice but to go.

gobbynorthernbird · 28/01/2020 12:48

I should add, I very much believe in the 'invitation, not summons' stance. But, this isn't Vicky from accounts, it's their son and long-term partner/mother of their DGC. It would be extremely awkward for them to decline.

LosersClub · 28/01/2020 12:58

Are they quite selfish people in general? Do they ever offer to babysit like on anniversarys/date nights etc? Sounds like they just wanted to enjoy this free holiday and not have any interaction with you, which is extremely rude. As a pp has suggested, I'd be giving them a wide berth from now on.

Interestedwoman · 28/01/2020 13:06

'The night of our wedding, we asked if they would be able to watch her for an hour but they laughed and walked off.'

WTF? On your wedding nite?! Bizarre. They sound odd OP. Are they usually this weird?

BumbleBeee69 · 28/01/2020 23:40

The night of our wedding, we asked if they would be able to watch her for an hour but they laughed and walked off.

What's weird is asking THEM.. when there are Night Nursery facilities on board... with fully qualified staff catering to you children's needs so I'm not surprised the laughed and walked off... even if it was for an hour.. they would have accommodated you

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