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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Accused of becoming pregnant on purpose

16 replies

Misskg1982 · 26/01/2020 19:55

Last year my partner told me he had no interest in having any more chn (we have a DD who is 3 yrs old). Sadly after sometime dealing with the emotions of no more I got rid of everything baby and decided to enjoy what I have.
Recently my periods have been all over the place and although I've been consistently taking the pill, and had a few trips to the GP were my pill was changed, I've fallen pregnant. I thought I was before I even took the test yet was still so shocked when I saw the line. I was so worried about telling my partner as I knew how he felt. He was, like myself, very shocked and soon started questioning me and accused me of doing this on purpose. He said to me after so many years how has the pill now failed, as we've never had any scared before. He also said how can he now trust me if I've done this. But I really haven't... yesterday he apologised and said he shouldn't of said what he had and that it is what it is and we'll have to just deal with it. But I don't necessarily feel he actually feels this way. I also don't know how to feel about how he initially reacted, is that what he actually thinks of me?? . We've been together for 8 years, been living together for 5. Why would he think I'd do him like this?? Why would I put myself and a baby into the mix knowing how he feels??? I just don't know where to go from here, how do we move forward??

OP posts:
MMmomDD · 26/01/2020 20:05

Just focus on your pregnancy and the child you have. Don’t overthink.
It’s understandable that someone would think and question in a situation like that. He was shocked and overreacted.
He’ll most likely end up loving being a dad to the new baby, eventually.
Give him and break and count your two blessings. Don’t waste your life with being angry at your bf.

AngelsSins · 26/01/2020 20:11

For Christ sake, I’d be furious! He’s yet another man who thinks saying “I don’t want (more) kids” is all the effort he needs to make in dealing with contraception. So he does zero to prevent pregnancy and then thinks he gets to blame you for “tricking” him? Don’t stand for it.

willowmelangell · 26/01/2020 20:21

The pill is not 100% reliable. You both know this. Only abstinence is 100% reliable.
For some unfathomable reason your birth control has failed.
Nature has decided you are going to have a baby.

Hearty congratulations from me!
Your getting rid of all the baby gear is clear proof you were completely reconciled to no more dc.
It has been a shock. In the weeks to come you will both be able to get a little excited and yes, nervous.
And just to be clear, CONGRATULATIONS!

PatellarTendonitis · 26/01/2020 20:43

What an arsehole thing to say. I'd never have given up having kids or more kids for a 'partner', though. Enjoy your pregnancy and baby! I'm sure he'll be diving over himself to get a vasectomy now, right? I hope you have a lovely pregnancy.

TomeOfSomething · 26/01/2020 20:59

he put his penis in you, there was always a risk you would become pregnant, that's how it works

Aquamarine1029 · 26/01/2020 21:04

Ask him if he thinks he played no part whatsoever in you getting pregnant. If he was so adamant about never having another child he should have gotten a vasectomy. Nobody was stopping him.

Graphista · 26/01/2020 21:05

Sick of reading about entitled men who won't take responsibility for their own fertility!

My first pregnancy I was on the pill, taking correctly no stomach upsets or antibiotics of or anything - which I always feel I have to Justify but I shouldn't because ANY contraception can fail.

If he was THAT adamant he didn't want more dc he should have had a vasectomy! Or at the very least have been also using condoms.

He's completely out of line accusing you and he'd have a lot of making up to do if I were you.

I'd also be making sure that I was putting myself in a position - if I weren't already - to manage without him, because he doesn't exactly sound reliable.

azigazigah · 26/01/2020 21:12

I'd question if he's truly happy and wether having another child will make him feel trapped and resentful.

EKGEMS · 26/01/2020 23:01

Ignore the asinine advice given by poster number one their head is up there arse

EKGEMS · 26/01/2020 23:02

Their

BumbleBeee69 · 26/01/2020 23:09

Christ what a Prick OP.... I agree with everyone.. HE should have out a condom on it... if he was THAT bothered....

take care of yourself OP Flowers

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 26/01/2020 23:19

Have you sat down with him and told him how what he said made you feel? I would be very hurt as well that someone that supposedly knew me so well could say something like that. How is your relationship generally? If he is generally considerate and caring then maybe it was just the huge shock that caused him to say something stupid? Are you happy about the baby, given you had reconciled yourself to having an only child?

BumbleBeee69 · 26/01/2020 23:31

If he was THAT adamant he didn't want more dc he should have had a vasectomy

Agreed... yes he didn't rush out and surgically write off his own options did he ? hedging his bets if this relationship fails I'll bet.... Hmm

Middersweekly · 27/01/2020 08:06

It sounds as though he’s looking to blame someone other than himself! If he was certain he didn’t want any more children why did he continue to have unprotected sex with you? Why didn’t he got for a vasectomy? It’s ridiculous! He needs to grow up and accept his mistake! I would be utterly furious tbh.

ShatnersWig · 27/01/2020 08:09

He's probably been on MN and seen how often on threads from women saying their husband doesn't want any more children there are usually a couple of posters saying "If I were you I'd have an accident".

AnArrestableOffence · 27/01/2020 10:16

I'd imagine that deliberate pill "failures" are more common than genuine accidents.

He probably should get a vasectomy, but I think a lot of women who are on the pill would find that offensive too, in terms of what it says about their partner's trust in them.

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