Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dumped for someone else ...how do I get over it?

36 replies

beentheredonethatt · 26/01/2020 17:29

He dumped me for another woman.
Prettier
More funny
Nicer body
He is still on my social media.
Just seen his Snapchat out for tea (obviously with her)
How do I get over that I wasn't enough?

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 26/01/2020 17:34

Watching him on social media is a form of self-harm. The best thing you can do is to delete every message he sent you, all his photos, and block him and her.

It's not that you weren't enough; it's that he wasn't good enough for you. You are worth so much more than him. And as for her - she's showing her best side on social media, you know that.

WellHolyGodMiley · 26/01/2020 17:34

You were enough. I recommend listening to stephanie lynn how to get over a break up

www.youtube.com/results?search_query=how+to+get+over+a+breakup

Watch as many of these as you can sit through. A lot of repetition but that's good.

WellHolyGodMiley · 26/01/2020 17:35

Yes, block them both. You will delay your moving on .

Ruby889 · 26/01/2020 17:55

I am going through this exact same thing. I was with a guy and he dumped me but at the time he 100% blamed me. We kept in contact and I ended up finding out months later that hes with someone who he begun speaking to while we were seeing eachother. Due to the fact I wasnt fully over everything especially after how guilty he made me feel (im an overthinker so that didnt help) my inital reaction was that I was upset. I messaged him asking why he wasnt honest however he still blamed me and ended up blocking on whatsapp and instagram. I know her Instagram page and turns out they also went on holiday a couple months after we ended (something we were planning and I was really excited about). I also saw that they we at the same place on new years.

Its hard not to be curious and have a nosey but its honestly torture and just prolongs moving on. Its also hard not to think about the past, what you couldve done differently, comparing yourself to the new person. Ive felt all that too.

Concentrate on yourself, distract yourself, do things you like to do. Go out with friends. And when you're ready..go out and date again. Its not easy to let go of someone but everything happens for a reason. It wasnt meant to be and dont blame yourself at all or think you werent enough..if he wasnt happy with you as you are then hes not the right guy for you. Hope you will be ok x

beentheredonethatt · 26/01/2020 19:07

Every time he posts a Snapchat my heart sinks wondering if it will be with her.
It's making me feel dreadful

OP posts:
DrMorbius · 26/01/2020 19:16

Prettier
More funny
Nicer body
I am assuming he didn't say those things, but it is your imagination/opinion of her.

Why beat yourself up, people pick other people for all sorts weird and wonderful reasons.

AmelieTaylor · 26/01/2020 19:23

How old are you?
How long were you together?

For god sake unfriend. (Or whatever) him on Snapchat (& elsewhere) you’re torturing yourself

Did he actually say that to you or us that just your (natural) assumption? (That he’s dumped you first her because she’s prettier/better body/funnier)

Ruby889 · 26/01/2020 19:28

I know the feeling. Its horrible. Best thing to do is to block him. Are the two of you still friends/still in contact? You need to move on.. Watching snaps etc will prolong everything. Trust me i know..for months i had my ex on Instagram and everytime i saw he had a story or new pic I would wonder. They never posted pics together but by going on both their pages and seeing pics at same places at same time it was all obvious. It will really mess with you. One story I saw I guess I assumed he was on a date & i actually started crying. Before that though I was fine. After I pulled myself together though I felt so silly. Once we unfriended eachother I felt alot better. And as time goes on you will care less and less. In the beginning though it is hard. Take it from me dont torture yourself..please block and dont look back

beentheredonethatt · 26/01/2020 19:36

We were only together 10 months but had daily contact.
I loved him.
He didn't say none of those things but I keep looking at her page.
He says she's just a friend but I don't believe it.
He's stopped watching my Snapchat but kept me on but I can't stop watching.
I miss him.
We don't talk at all now.
It's been nearly 3 weeks since we spoke

OP posts:
Aminuts23 · 26/01/2020 19:46

You’ll not recover while you can still see what he’s doing. Block him everywhere and try to keep yourself busy with friends/family. Be kind to yourself.
I went through similar, albeit I didn’t know until a long time after that he’d left me for another woman. By the time I found that out I was over him and it just gave me the explanation for the cruel way he’d treated me. I was with him about 10 months. After going no contact I soon started to feel better. I do look at his FB now and again out of idle curiosity. She’s just dumped him which made me smile a bit Grin

JorisBonson · 26/01/2020 19:47

Omg you've e posted so so so many times about this complete waste of space. Why are you wasting everyone's time but ignoring the repeated (good) advice you're given??

Ruby889 · 26/01/2020 19:48

This sounds so similar to my situation its scary haha. Also havent spoken for 3 weeks and we were together about 15 months..i also feel like i loved him. We ended last year though but stayed in contact after which was a mistake but i really missed him and he said he was happy to stay friends (i had no idea of the new person though). Id recommend keeping up the no contact..i wish i had done that from the get go. Whether shes just a friend or not ..if shes anything more its likely he probably wont admit it. He doesnt have to be honest with you anymore and he may feel like saying shes just a friend will make it easier for you, or avoid any drama.

Also how did they even meet? If he met her during your relationship and started speaking then that says alot

Delete him. Once you feel better get back dating. You will find someone better!

MsPeachh · 26/01/2020 22:43

I would say don’t torture yourself over things that might not be true. Thoughts are not facts, as the saying goes. The same thing happened to me and I was furious, wondering why he got to swan off and be happy whilst treating me like shit etc. Well it turned out it wasn’t all roses with the new woman and I found out later it all went to pieces between them in dramatic fashion.

She will never trust him for a start and it will eat away at her. You deserve better than someone who treats you this way. Block and let him think you don’t give a shit.

MashedSpud · 26/01/2020 22:53

Urgh not again.

If op was a man posting for the millionth time about a woman who doesn’t want him and has asked him to stay away he’d be torn to shreds.

lmnoh · 26/01/2020 23:01

I like this from extreme-quotes (insta)

My ex is somewhere telling his new girlfriend how bad I was and she’s smiling thinking she’s made it in life.
Two idiots.

BumbleBeee69 · 26/01/2020 23:12

He's stopped watching my Snapchat but kept me on but I can't stop watching.

He can see that you are watching and is likely LOVING this... you NEED to remove and block him from every aspect of you life.. because when you're watching him.. he knows exactly where you are.. I bet you still have the Map Location switched to ON too Hmm so he can see Yours ?!

Get OFF Snapchat... and block him on everything.. PLEASE

RogueV · 26/01/2020 23:27

Agree with above. He’ll be loving the fact that you’re watching him on Snapchat! Delete him

chocolatelover9 · 26/01/2020 23:31

Delete him off social media for a start as you seeing what hes up to and knowing it's with her is going to eat away at you even more. Focus on yourself and in time it will all get better. 💐

MyuMe · 26/01/2020 23:31

I was with a guy and he dumped me but at the time he 100% blamed me. We kept in contact and I ended up finding out months later that hes with someone who he begun speaking to while we were seeing eachother.

Urgh my ex did this and blamed me too. So childish

Deadsouls · 26/01/2020 23:44

If you continue to look at her social media and his social media you are actively choosing to re-wound yourself over and over again. This is your choice.
Maybe it's what you need to do for a while until it gets really painful before you stop.

You ask how to get over being dumped. The first step is block and delete. Its the only way to give yourself a chance.

For whatever reasons that you'll never know, he chose someone else. His actions have nothing to do with your intrinsic self worth. It is not because you are this or that or worse or anything.

I guess if you are in a cycle of grief this would be the denial part. Only you can make the decision to take the first step toward moving on.

beentheredonethatt · 27/01/2020 08:08

I hadn't watched for a few days then I noticed he had put a pic of a valentines card and a love heart ..I couldn't not look so I clicked and that's what it was.

OP posts:
Glaceon · 27/01/2020 10:10

Ask him outright and then delete him and move on. Could be tons of reasons.

My partner had gotten caught up in old childhood crush feelings with his brothers girlfriend. She was quite happy to leave and start a new life. He decided he didnt want to because he didnt want a partner who would cheat, he was embarrassed to be seen with her and the biggest reason - he realised what sort of person she was which smashed the rose tinted glasses hed had on for years and he simply didnt like the real her.

She cant accept this of course and pretends its somehow my fault shes an intolerable arsehole that no one wants to spend time with (her partner literally leaves early every morning and eats breakfast in his car because he cant stand her. One of the reasons she uses for cheating on him)

Made lots of public comments about my body and genitals, how I'm just a better shag, do more in bed, younger in better shape.

The fact is I'm a better person. I don't do the horrible shitty things she does to people. I dont spend all day screeching at my kids. I dont threaten, lie, blackmail or manipulate. We have more things in common. We dont struggle for conversation because I dont spend my life causing drama with the school mums, rehashing every bit of the drama interspersed with yet another repeat story about labour and childbirth to maintain my position as biggest martyr.

The fact might be hes realised he doesnt like you.

Stop stalking his life. Ask him outright why he broke up with you. Then learn and move on.

He could just be a scumbag who gets bored after "the chase" and moves on to the next pursuit. But no one can tell you here and constantly stalking them isnt healthy. We ended up getting a restraining order on her.

supercali77 · 27/01/2020 10:32

OP you've been posting about this man's total disrespect for months. You've been given utterly sound advice - REMOVE HIM. That is how you move on. What you're doing right now is pain shopping. Beating yourself up over and over until you're in the f*ing ground. Take the shreds of your self respect, self care, recognise he's trash for having treated another human being like a stop gap and that will always be the kind of man he is. Whether he's with her, someone else, this is the character of this man. You can't polish a turd. STOP it all, if you had a friend doing this how would you feel? Find your anger.

rainbowrainbows · 27/01/2020 10:36

I think he knows you’re watching.

Block and remove from Snapchat! Do it right now and post on here to say you have done it. Grin

You are enough! No one is prettier or funnier than you, that’s all subjective. You are you, and it wasn’t meant to be but you will walk away stronger from this.

ScarJo · 27/01/2020 10:53

@supercali77 @JorisBonson

Is this the same one where the man went to Australia? If so, she had another thread literally 2 days ago where she denied it was her. I'm wondering if the OP has MH issues? Only because I have BPD and struggled with things like this in the past (before I sought treatment) and on reflection probably acted the way the OP has in the past

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.