How to get past being ghosted

[Misty9]

I know there's another thread on ghosting but I'm more wanting to know how to get past it happening to you. Met a guy, in real life, we'd had a few really good dates, he talked about us being 'exclusive' and was really complimentary yadda yadda. We'd done things like cooking dinner together, clothes shopping and chilling on the sofa. He'd stayed over a couple of times so I don't think he was married - and I did ask him if he was definitely single. He wasn't great at contact in between dates but said he didn't like messaging.

I have a tendency to get over invested so after getting the impression he isn't that interested in my life, I deleted his number and left it to him to contact me. That was 4 days ago. So I'm pretty sure I've been ghosted. And I've got no way of contacting him anyway. But I'm finding it hard to get past it and feeling anxious, replaying our dates in my head and just wondering what happened. The lack of contact in between was becoming an issue so I was kind of thinking to end it anyway, but to just disappear is so bloody rude! Even writing this I feel ridiculous to be letting it affect me this much. But it is I have a great life and have no need for a man. I just don't understand!

Can anyone else relate? What helped?

OP it is rare I like a guy too. Which is why I ended up in a less than ideal situation with one currently.

Who knows he may crop up again and if he does treat with caution.

@MyuMe is that still going on? Are you okay? I've sent a Facebook message as I just want closure. But if we're not friends it'll go into the other inbox and he probably won't reply even if he does see it.

I have many friends that are dating, all of them beautiful, successful and charming and all of them at some time during their dating history has been ghosted. It’s a lack of courage I think. I really don’t understand it myself, I’d at least have the decency to send a text. Do t beat yourself up about it, the guy is clearly a twat of the highest order.

OP, if he really likes you he will get in touch. If you don't hear from him then he's not that interested and that's all the answer you need. Don't worry, in time you won't care what his reasons were.

Hang on...he didn’t accept your fb friends request? His communication tailed off as soon as you dtd? Come on. The guy just wanted one thing (married or not). He is wholly unworthy of your head space.

Sorry OP sounds like he's just not that into you. My DH was very similar when we first met. Turns out he was cheating on me. I persisted, he ditched the girl or more likely she ditched him. obv we eventually got married. Have kids together. I will now spend my whole life feeling a bit flat, like I was a rebound and to be honest I think that will stay with me forever.

Get out now, find someone who deserves you and wants you so much they won't arse about playing shitty childish games.

Did he reply to your facebook message?

It hasn't been read... I'm annoyed how much headspace I'm giving him tbh as he clearly isn't worthy of it. I'm just incredulous that someone could be so rude as to arrange a date and then disappear! I'll never know anyway.

You do know why though. He's not interested enough. That could be because he has been seeing/talking to someone else that he now prefers, or he's just not as in to you as he first thought. It doesn't really matter why because if he really was, this wouldn't be happening.
The fact he has done it in such a cowardly way shows you who he really is and you have dodged a bullet!

I don't mean to sound harsh by the way. I have been there myself and its very very frustrating.

@anotherdisaster harsh but true! It's just that it runs so counter to all his behaviour and words when we did see each other! It takes all sorts I suppose

Well that's the confusing part. I have to say, I've dated a couple of guys and been really quite keen on them for a while and then just realised they were not for me. It does happen. Its more the way he has ended it you should be bothered about, rather than his reasons.

This has happened to me recently too. DTD with a guy - afterwards the communication gradually trailed off to nothing. No idea why - maybe I was cr*p in bed?? Maybe thats all he wanted and he had a list of new girls to "get through"? The honest answer is I'll never know. I don't agree with the many people who are jumping to the conclusion that he was married - there are a million reasons why a guy (or girl) would disappear like this. As for getting over it? Best advice is to have an evening wallowing with a lass of wine then get yourself back on-line. And if you find the answer to "How you do this without over investing too soon" can you let me know?? LOL

My guy has said to me that he really does like me but it suffering depression etc.

Best leave him to it. He didnt ghost but apologised and explained

He hasn't ghosted you - you have deleted his number and have ghosted him because his messaging wasn't up to what you wanted .

Sorry op sounds like he just wasnt that into you. If you were the one always initiating it sounds like he wasnt too bothered. Sorry.

He has ghosted her! He never got back in touch....if he was interested he would have.

Those saying I've ghosted him:

• he disappeared mid message exchange
• I sent the last message leaving it open to contact me and confirming our date this week
• he didn't and hasn't replied or made contact since.

He isn't interested!! But it's a bloody cowardly way to do it. The sex was amazing (pretty sure on both sides) and he was extremely complimentary about me. The timing wasn't maybe great for him. But ghosting is shitty. I deleted his humber to stop me messaging...not because it didn't match my required level of contact.

@iamthrough same! I think we just need partners who leave little or no doubt about how they feel...

The thing is OP this would have probably happened a long time ago if it was you always doing the initiating. I don't think he technically ghosted you. Why? Because by the sounds of things he never initiated contact. I doubt he would have ever gotten in touch if you hadn't anyway. All that's happened is you have stopped chasing.

@Ruderidinghood I think that's a fairly accurate observation

Not initiating contact on the man's side....generally an indicator they'll eventually ghost/flake/drop out. Dating after LTR is hard. Never. Ever Chase. Meet them with the same level of input as they're giving. No more. If it's nothing. You give nothing.

Thanks. I'm learning. Slowly

Good advice from Supercalli, I think we can save ourselves lots of misery by leaving it mostly to them, reacting well and seeing what they will do.

Yes. Not that I'll be venturing anywhere near the opposite sex for a while!