When did you you tell your boss about your divorce?

[Nogoodwithgoodbyes]

My H and I are separated but not divorced yet. I'm just wondering when other people told their boss or colleagues about their marriage breaking up? My H and I are still living together which is very awkward and triggering; so I'm not sure I'm ready to open up to colleagues. However, it's awkward when they bring up my H and make assumptions in conversation etc. It hurts. I'm just not sure what to do...

I told HR I’d moved into my sister’s till I found somewhere to live and got them to change my address.

My boss at the time was a funny fish and I didn’t want to get into a weird discussion so I ended up blurting it out when we bumped into each other in the loo one day, simply said I’d left him and moved out.

As expected, she tried to hug me while I was drying my hands and got a bit teary while I tried to extricate myself politely repeating that it was good news and I was fine. I knew if I’d sent an email or something she’d have requested a meeting, tried to talk about my feelings and hug me.

Depends on what you feel they need to do and when.

Sorry you’re going through this

I told my boss within a couple of days. It was a horrible situation and I didn’t want to be seen as dropping balls through laziness or disinterest — I just had a lot in my plate, wasn’t sleeping, husband was behaving appallingly. Everyone was great, very understanding and to be honest it was my work friends and their understanding that got me back on my feet as quickly as it happened.

I can't decide what to do. I don't feel ready for everyone knowing but just like LondonCrone mentioned, I feel like it's affecting me a little -- I need to carve out so much time for house viewings that I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed at work. However, at times, I like that no-one in there knows much about my private life. The problem is they think they know things and talk about the imaginary life they think I have in front of me!

I didn't tell my employer. It was none of their business.

I did change my pension and death in service entitlements.

I don't know that I would tell them to be honest, as it has nothing to do with my work.

I never talk to anyone at work about my personal business, I was super pissed off when someone I worked with 20 years ago when I was a different more open person came to work with us and told everyone I was a pagan.
Information I was not willing to share with anyone.

I told my overall boss fairly early on as I needed time off for a solicitor's appointment (work in Education so couldn't just take holiday). I told closer colleagues whom I considered to be also friends early on too but made it clear I didn't want the world and his wife coming round to get gossip fodder.

It worked because nobody made awkward assumptions and there were no awkward invitations. The workplace busybodies didn't come round to prey on my situation. Well, one did but I told them I didn't want to talk about it, I said I was sure they understood. (They didn't but it shut them up whilst I escaped.) I think this was because the friend/colleagues told them the bare bones and to leave me alone. They were stars!

Mine noticed something was wrong and asked a colleague who mentioned I was having problems but didn't go into detail. She then took me for a coffee and it just came out, she was lovely about it. That was not long after we decided it was over.

What the hell has it got to do with work? I wouldn’t tell them

Thanks for sharing. That really helps. I guess it just depends on lots of things. I’m going to take the pressure off myself for now & say nothing until the time is right.

What the hell has it got to do with work? I wouldn’t tell them

I work in a pretty small place & people bring up my H even though I don’t! I do like your attitude though. Thank you.

@Nogoodwithgoodbyes

That must be so annoying for you. You just need that like a hole in the head.

Hope all works out ok

I told mine fairly quickly and he was really supportive. Was pretty hard to hide at the beginning though as I cried a few times while at work!! Do what is right for you. You don't have to tell them at all if you don't want to. I just wanted mine to know as I wasn't feeling on top of my game and may have appeared a little distracted

I told my boss the Monday after I made the decision. The team I was in at the time was small, very close, very supportive. My boss knew my husband was an alcoholic and knew we had had a lot of problems. She gave me two days of compassionate leave so I could start the ball rolling on the divorce and get over feeling constantly sick. Then later when he started threatening suicide she gave me the time off I needed to get him treatment. Later on when he died suddenly under very difficult circumstances and I had to deal with all the formalities, she again gave me all the leave I needed.

If you have a good, trusting relationship with your boss, telling them can be incredibly helpful. On the other hand if that relationship isn't there, probably best to keep it to yourself until that is no longer possible.

I’m the boss at my place of work and I told my colleagues altogether when I felt ready to. I did this because I consider them friends but also because they would wonder why I was sometimes quiet or cranky.
They were so supportive.

I told my immediate manager before my (now ex) husband! I was expecting the shit to hit the fan when the ex found out I was leaving/divorcing him and for it to affect my ability to get into work. I got on well with my manager at the time and found telling him (as well as my best friend and mother) what was going on helped me go through with it.

Thanks. I do wish people wouldn’t bring up my personal life if I don’t but they do so that’s just the way it is!

I think I’m going to wait until I’ve moved out before telling people because once it’s said, it can’t be unsaid.

Dont say anything.

Smile and nod or change the subject.

The only time you need to say anything is to tell HR of your change in name/status/pension & benefits beneficiaries /next of kin/bank account etc..

Once it’s over and the dust has settled, you can casually drop into conversation that actually, you got divorced six months ago and everything’s fine. This saves you falling to pieces under colleague interrogation or being the topic of gossip at the watercooler while you’re actually going through your break up.

Thanks. I think that’s the approach I’ll take. I’m not sure they need to know and in my experience, people always want the ‘story.’