What is this? Seeing each other?

[caulkheaded]

Okay. Tried to name change for this, can’t work out how to. Please be kind!

I’ve never had a relationship that’s lasted for more than a few months, and haven’t got past second date for about 4 years. I haven’t wanted a relationship, so it hasn’t bothered me.

Recently a friend asked me out. He’s lovely, kind, generous, funny. We get on well and have mutual friends. I fancy him.

The problem is, I don’t know how to “do” this...I’m completely over thinking it all (ie how often we’ve met up, how often we should text, when to tell our mutual friends). Mostly though, I think we need to have a chat about What is this? - are we seeing each other now, or still exploring that as a possibility, and how do we move from friends to dating.

Can anyone spell out simply the timescale of the early days? Or how to navigate this all? I don’t have previous relationships to base it on and I’m loathe to talk to friends about it because they know him!

OP - exhale, and stop overthinking and overplanning.
He asked you out? Say yes if you want to see him.
See how the date goes.
Then it will happen naturally. If you both want to see each other again - a other date would happen. Then another.
At some point - there might be a kiss and eventually intimacy.
There is no blueprint or a plan.

Don’t send multiple texts until you get a reply. And you’ll be OK!

We’ve had two dates, really good fun, talked about what we could do on the third at the end of the second. So it’s all good. But he doesn’t really text (should he??) and we haven’t kissed (should we??) etc.

Maybe you can try sending a text asking how his weekend is going or something and see if he responds?

If you like him and want to kiss him then kiss him. Onus is not just on him.

Perhaps you're both on tiptoes as you're both unsure how this might go. Talk about it next time you're together. If you enjoy it and see a chance with him tell him!

I think we’re both tiptoeing a bit. We’ve known each other about 3-4 years and I’m not aware of him having a relationship in that time so I think we’re both a bit unsure. Or maybe I’m projecting that on to him!

Just take each day at a time. Don't be come across as "needy" when texting him. Don't over text and don't keep staring at your phone waiting for a text. take it in ya stride.

Ah...don’t keep staring at the phone. That’s the one to work on now I think!!

Only really texting about where/when to meet next. We’re in some group chats and he isn’t a huge texter there, but will always reply.

It’s going fine then.
There isn’t ‘should’ - kissing will happen when one of you initiates it when they feel ready and if the other one feels ready for it.
As to texting - there is a wide variety of styles. Some like a lot of it, others are less into it.
Just try to relax and not be needy or putting pressure on him or yourself.

Bit odd to not have kissed after two dates OP. Based on what you say it is currently nothing much- two friends who maybe fancy one another a bit hanging out to see if there is more there? I certainly wouldnt be trying to clarify with him if you are official if you haven't even kissed and he doesn't message. Are you both very shy? At this stage I'd expect everyone to be desperate to kiss and constant texting and talking until the early hours.

If you arent careful you'll friend zone one another. Are the dates romantic? Or just normal activities?

Do you want to kiss him/sleep with him?

Nope, not shy. It just hasn’t happened.

It feels different because we’re friends, so although we’re texting more than before, it’s not loads - partly he isn’t a big texter but partly because we don’t have a different start place for getting to know each other from