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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How can I get rid of him?

24 replies

Claire926 · 26/01/2020 01:01

I met a man at a walking group about 3 years ago. I only saw him a couple times, within this time I have been busy pursuing other goals in my career and travel. When I did see him on walks he seemed socially awkward and I don't think he has been in a relationship even though he is in his 40s. For 2 and a half years he has messaged me every week. I feel like he is waiting on me to come back as some of the things he messages me you can tell he sees me as a romantic option.

There are some things I don't like about him. He has more than the average friends on Facebook. He meets all of these people through walking groups, meetups and social clubs in his town. I have also noticed he is always on Facebook when I log on. One pet hate is he feels the need to share 'jokes' in my inbox some which are offensive to women and a bit sexual. I don't know why he is so obsessed with me. We virtually have nothing in common, he drinks a lot and has only recently secured a full time job. He did have a part time job but always messed up interviews for full time work which doesn't surprise me as he probably hardly practiced for interviews as he was always online.

Why does he think I would want to date a social media addict who is a blatant socialite as sometimes he never remembers important things about me. He will even message me to say how my football team has lost but never mentions when his team loses. Why would I want to hear about my football team losing as that is negative news. He tends to dwell on his mother a lot who has passed, I know this is extremely difficult but I feel he should seek counselling and not keep telling me how his life has been majorly affected. I don't feel equipped to deal with another person's emotions in relation to bereavement who I have probably only met 8 times. I am positive person and know this man is not right for me. I want to meet a man who does have a friends and goals but is not so fixated on meeting new people all the time or not improving his life. How can I get rid of this drain?

OP posts:
Chocmallows · 26/01/2020 01:04

Don't reply to him, block him.

PumpkinP · 26/01/2020 01:15

Err just block him. Surely that’s the obvious thing to do Confused

cuckooken · 26/01/2020 01:34

Why on earth have you not blocked him?

Musti · 26/01/2020 01:35

Just don't reply to him?

TeensArghhhh · 26/01/2020 01:37

You are obviously not interested in him. Just block him

Deadsouls · 26/01/2020 02:08

Just be clear and unemotional:

Upon reflection I don't want to continue being in contact with you. To this end, I won't be replying to any communications you send me.

If he continues, block. Or just block

Aquamarine1029 · 26/01/2020 02:11

This is insane. BLOCK HIM. Problem solved.

BitOfFun · 26/01/2020 02:11

You can block people on Messenger.

DianaT1969 · 26/01/2020 08:40

OP, you have just spent a lot of time analysing a man and posting it on a thread, when you could have just blocked him 2 years ago. Why didn't you?

WendyMoiraAngelaDarling · 26/01/2020 08:44

You sound almost affronted by his interest. In a how dare someone as ineligible as him think he has the right to pursue someone like me?! kind of way. Block him and move on. If it might be awkward when you see him then restrict him on FB and block on Messenger - he won't know. If he asks why you don't go on messenger just say you don't use it.

CodenameVillanelle · 26/01/2020 08:46

Do you reply to him?

category12 · 26/01/2020 08:50

Why are you maintaining contact between you if you don't like him?

RantyAnty · 26/01/2020 08:52

Umm just block him. Clearly you don't fancy him or find him attractive.

blissfulllife · 26/01/2020 09:08

A socially awkward man in his 40's who you suspect has never had a relationship, spends a lot of his time online.... probably just a lonely fella with problems interacting properly with people in general. Sends messages that can be a bit inappropriate because he probably doesn't realise it's not right. Only talks about your team, maybe just got some sort of conversation, you know picking up on something he knows you're interested in.

Sounds like he might be on the autistic spectrum maybe?

You won't be the first person who blocks him so do that if you're feeling uncomfortable

MimiLaRue · 26/01/2020 09:11

FGS why are you allowing him to message you every week?
Block him and dont respond.You aren't "obliged" to read messages form anyone you dont want contact with. Block him now and dont give it a second thought

BobbyBlueCat · 26/01/2020 09:16

You are giving him hope by allowing these messages.

Two and a half years of it? Just block him, for fucks sake!

QuarterPastMidnight · 26/01/2020 09:25

It's not like he's banging on your door OP. Block and move on, problem solved!

Joker123 · 26/01/2020 09:51

He’s online all the time because you’re not the only person he is messaging.

🤷🏻‍♀️ block.

Sexnotgender · 26/01/2020 09:54

Block block block.

Sounds like an incel.

Chocmallows · 26/01/2020 09:54

OP, I'm wondering if you'll ignore us all and keep up the contact and a year later post again...this man who isn't good enough for me has been harassing me for years. what do you get out of this?

Ojk90 · 26/01/2020 09:55

Speak to the authorities for some advice and get a rape alarm in case he does anything (I don't want to scare you but be prepared). Reading your post gave me alarm bells!

Opentooffers · 26/01/2020 10:03

Any attention is an ego massage to some degree, can only think it's that as you've not blocked him despite complaint about him. The answer is obvious.

OneFootintheRave · 26/01/2020 10:15

For the off colour jokes alone, just block. He sounds like he avoids directness so he may never even mention it if you do happen to run into him.

If he does ever mention it you could just say, "oh really?"and walk off. Or you could take courage, look him in the eye and say something like "I don't appreciate your humour, don't message me".

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 26/01/2020 10:32

Facebook friends the clue is in the word friend. If he's not your friend don't have him as your friend on social media.

what a friend is

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