Husband just seems uninterested.

[ASatisfyingThump]

Married 6 years now, 2 kids, and I honestly think he just isn't interested anymore. When I talk he glazes over, he isn't remotely interested in anything I have to say. He's more keen on spending time with his mates than with me. We haven't been out as a couple in months. I'm so scared he'll find someone else more interesting and fun than I am. It's bothering me more tonight because I've just got in from an evening out with friends and he pretty much ignored me because he's got a mate over. Is this really what being married is meant to be like?

No I don’t think it is although I’m in the same boat and no idea what to do about it

No. Can you organise a day or weekend away to try and reconnect? Or just a meal out just the two of you? He may be feeling the exact same and is struggling too. Be honest but not accusatory (don't say 'you never do this' but more how you feel and how you can both work together).

We used to go out about once a month, but all we ever talk about is the kids or his work. Plus it was always me organising it, I stepped back to see if he would actually put the effort in and he didn't. He actually seems more cheerful since I stopped organising nights out together. I feel like my marriage is dying and I can't stop it.

Have you tried to talk to him about it? I think that you should. I went through similar in my relationship... He's started to make an effort (because I told him I wanted to leave him), but it feels too late to me. We are still together but I don't feel romantic towards him anymore, the feelings have just died. It's a horrible situation to be in. I don't want to split up our family but I don't seem able to change my feelings now.

Work on yourself and you own self esteem. You can’t control other people. Stop overthinking. Keep busy, try different things with friends. You will then have more to talk about. You sound anxious, try not to force the relationship. If it works, it works. If it doesn’t, it doesn’t. As long as you are clearly communicating with each other also.

What about doing an activity together? A cooking class? Some sort of craft? Something where you can have a laugh and won't have time to talk about the kids or work.

Having been where you are now, I would suggest trying to talk to him and see what reaction you get.
I got silence.ie, he wasn't interested. We are now apart and I feel in the long run it will be the better option all round.

Mintlegs it's not like I'm not busy or have nothing to talk about, he just isn't interested in anything I have to say.

Borneo I have suggested doing something like that, but he doesn't want to.

I have tried talking to him about it, but he dismisses it and says he is interested in what I say. And yes, sometimes he is - when it's a subject he wants to talk about, or if I'm agreeing with him. But even then he's not really listening, he just wants to say what he thinks. It's not a conversation, it's a monologue and I'm supposed to be his audience.

OP, this will sound harsh, but I think the drudgery of daily life means we stop taking care of ourselves physically and emotionally, without effort we lose of sparkle and that’s why lots of relationships breakdown. Focus on you and get your spark back and it’s possible things will improve between you.

Op I disagree that you're worrying too much - it's your marriage and it matters. I'm sorry that your husband doesn't seem interested in your effort to spend time together, or that he won't even acknowledge how you're feeling.

I think pp's are right in that case. That you should take a step back and just focus on yourself. Maybe it will bring back that spark, maybe it won't. Either way you can't force his behaviour to change, and being miserable isn't going to make things better.

I'm in the exact same boat, hope you get some answers soon xx

He doesn't sound like a particularly nice person in that he is interested in talking himself while you listen... I really don't think you need to put up with this.

I was feeling like this last week. My husband and I just had a night out with friends and a night in a hotel, and honestly I feel so much more connected to him now. The lovely hotel-room shag probably helped!

We'd got into that dreary routine. It's awful.

I think it's usually the woman who organises social things in a marriage. I realise why you felt resentful, but I just don't think men see the point in going out with a wife when they can see us every day at home. So I wouldn't take that as a sign he's lost interest in you.

Could you book a weekend away without the kids? I would have thought that was a trite idea last week, but honestly it was magical. Like a lovely reset button.

I think what @Startedoutasfriends said, is spot on

Really really easy to fall into a dull routine when you have small kids
He's zoned out a bit...probably sees you as "mum" more than wife these days....it happens in a lot of relationships but doesnt have to spell disaster
It happened in mine. I could feel things wilting and becoming stale. If left to him we would have continued down that lazy path
But I dont want it and wont have it. Married life should not equal boredom. Talk to him tell him how worried you are. Make an effort to reconnect, go out together, nights away at a cheap hotel are good fun and not bank breaking
You have to try and hopefully he will try too. It takes both of you. Pull him out of this rut and remind him that just letting things slide is a marriage killer. Good luck

My husband doesn’t pay me any attn as to where he don’t touch me , he sleeps the opposite direction in bed he never hugs me or pays me any attention, I know he loves me but it jst makes me feel like I’m not attractive to him anymore , I jst don’t understand why he doesn’t get the erge to touch me I mean am I not pretty enough . But it’s like I’m n a room with him n like I’m not even there what do I do