Too fussy

[CorskeaghMac]

I do the majority of the cooking/cleaning/laundry although we both work full time. DH spends the weekend basically having fun with the kids - taking them on walks to play ground, swimming etc. While I do the house work. He is happy to do the shopping but buys the wrong brands and often forgets things if I don't write a list. He will do cleaning around the house if I nag but is sloppy and does the bare minimum. Am I expecting too much?

Suggest swapping next weekend.. you do the walks in the woods etc.. he does the cooking laundry cleaning.. you will know then how much you're doing and if it's balanced.. ? personally... I think he's getting all the fun time, and you're not getting any..

He probably thinks he's giving you a break.

You do the shopping and housework because you say you aren't happy with how he does things. This is a situation you have co -created. You are a factor in this arrangement too. You don't like how he does the shopping or the housework. You give out to him for doing it wrong, then do it yourself. So he thinks you like doing it. Make a rota, he can make dinners half the week etc, but you have to stand back and let him do it his way and not keep swooping in and taking over.

Why do the brands matter?

Insist he does his share, but don't micromanage how he does it.

Do online delivery, get a cleaner if you can afford it. If you can't when weekend comes around all go out together. Then suggest to him 'you do the kitchen I'll do the living room and hallway'. 'You strip the beds I'll stick the laundry on' etc. Or sit down and discuss which chores can each cover. If he balks say you aren't going to do it all so of he wants dinner/ his clothes washed/ house clean he needs to do half.

Also:

He's an adult and if he wanted to he could do a good job of it. I would sit down with him with a comprehensive list of all the housework that needs doing and split it. Tell him that he's a capable adult and at the moment, he's having all the fun whilst you do all the drudge work. That is not ok.

Category 12 and you are right, brands really ?

What's this about brands? In your post on another thread you said you didn't expect a civil word from him for a few days because you bought the wrong brand of peas? What a joyless way to live.

"He is happy to do the shopping but buys the wrong brands and often forgets things if I don't write a list. He will do cleaning around the house if I nag but is sloppy and does the bare minimum. Am I expecting too much?"

No. He basically sees mundane and home based tasks like shopping and cleaning as YOUR job and therefore not for him to take any active part in. He is also being deliberately incompetent because he does not want to do any shopping or cleaning within the home. If he makes a hash of it you step in and or otherwise not ask him to do that again; a win win for him.

What are you getting out of this relationship now?. Would you want your kids as adults to live like this, no you would not want this for them. So why is it currently at least still good enough for you?.

Following on from what pinkyredrose wrote abuse is not solely physical in nature. If your H indeed stops talking to you for a couple of day because you purchased the wrong brand of peas, this is emotional abuse. Emotional abuse that your kids will be picking up on as well.

This is why I am not married. I cannot deal with this shit and I'd be in prison for murder eventually.
Still by general mumsnet standards you are "lucky" he gets off his arse to do stuff with the kids at weekends.
Most of them seem to be either sleeping, playing video games or spending the weekends cycling.
Might be worth reminding him him he can be a disney dad at weekends permanently if he likes, less clearing up for you.