Best date night ever

[Sleepycat91]

So basically told DP earlier i was annoyed he went out last night again and is going out again thursday and im left holding the baby so to speak, and his idea of me having a break is going to Asda by myself. Then to rub salt in the wounds he didnt help out at all with the night feeds, warming up bottles or changing her bum, just left it to me, even when she wouldnt settle for 3 hours so i didnt sleep at all. Managed to get my grandparents to have DD and DS tonight for a few hours (arranged yesterday) so we could go out for a meal, DP has been a massive KNOB all day, barely speaking and when i do try to talk to him, i get a closed answer so i just gave up. My grandad hates it when things are changed last second and i think they were looking forward to having DD for a few hours and DS over night so i dropped them off anyway. Im now sat upstairs and Dp Is down on the xbox and i guess ill be picking DD up in a hour and telling my grandparents what a lovely meal we did (not) have and thank you very much for having them. DP just ventured upstairs to ask what were doing but seeing as were not speaking and theres zero point in sitting opposite each other in a restaurant in silence, plus i said id pick DD up about half 9, theres no point, he just said ok and went downstairs.

@ sleepycat91

I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this, it sounds really upsetting to have arranged all that with your grandfather only to not go out for a meal.

Your partner is being massively unfair to you. He should be helping with the baby and you should be going on nights out.

I know the resentment would eat me up.

If he continues to be a massive knob and doesn't start helping out, I would start getting your ducks in a row and think about leaving.

But that's just me!🤨

I'm sorry OP. It's hard. My DH is the same. Our baby is 8 months old and the past 8 months just feel like I'm constantly waiting for him to get home so he can hold the baby and I can have a break . Even when he wakes up to go to the gym most mornings, he can see I've been up for hours but will just get ready and go. Those nights without the bay are so precious and I'm sorry he has just wasted one.

Because you chose to have babies with dicks instead of good men

You are enabling him to continue to behave as a childless single man.

Relate is a good place to start, because believe me, living with a manchild is not a better option than raising your children alone.

Don’t do anything for him, you are already busy enough doing all the childcare to raise his children.

He IS a good man. Hes not gone out all hours hes gone out for an hour and a half at a time. He does help with the nights most of the time and still goes to work. I think thats it, im resentful, jealous even. Im stuck inside 4 walls every day and my life now revolves entirely around the kids. I was working full time in a massive team so ive gone from all this social adult contact to nothing and ive lost myself a bit. The late nights, no sleep and massive upheaval has caught up with me and him being a knob and wasting that one chance we had to go out together has really upset me and ive boiled over.

Don't blame yourself. He is, is, is being a knob, and it's not the first time. Hugs xxxxx

But he is a knob OP. If you love and care for someone you take an interest in their happiness and worry about situations where they aren't getting out like they used to or seem unhappy and unfulfilled. He isn't doing that.

Does the relationship feel over?

Are you on maternity leave? Will you be going back to work?

The solution is going back to work and the sooner the better. Not all of us are made In a way that we can to be happy staying at home and doing things with the children.

I was a much better mum when I was working, as the time we were together was precious, DS and I also had a much better social life, he had kids his age to play with while I had goals and colleagues to talk with. Admittedly, the whole of my salary went in nursery fees but that was the price of keeping my sanity.

@motherofalldilemas i think youve hit the nail on the head. Im not a sahm, i never have been, i LIKE working as awful as it sounds 🙈 i think ive made it out alot worse in my head, i feel fat, no clothes fit except my old stuff and just generally unattractive so i most likely wouldnt WANT to go out. Maybe getting back to the gym would help, 2 birds, one stone. I was trying to wait for the january gym goers to give up before going back

I will be going back to work but not full time, i was doing 6 on 4 off, days lates and nights and my main childcare is my grandparents and theyve said its too much to have them both all the time like that, which is fair enough. I might arrange a KIT day soon, i think i need it

Can't you go down the pub with a friend? Shame to waste the chance of a night out. Don't be a martyr. Mums don't need to sacrifice a social life. Your DH isn't!

There's nothing awful about liking to go to work. I did and so did most people I know.

You will feel better when back at work part time and hopefully relations with your partner will improve. Having a baby is hard work no matter how much you wanted and do love her.

(I don't know what a KIT day is, I looked it up but don't understand.)

Remember childcare is a JOINT PROBLEM. DP will have to step up, flex his hours and do his share of nursery runs to protect your career.

It's a keeping in touch day - it might just be going in and seeing your co-workers, catching up on what's going on in work, or it might be working normally, or doing training etc.