Today I made an emergency overnight bag

[JoshLymanIsHotterThanSam]

That is what my relationship has come to. Sad isn’t it?
H is not violent, I don’t need to escape him in that sense, but his drinking is getting out of control and I know that the next time he decides to get blottoed I’m done. I have already told him two weeks ago he’s drinking too much, amongst other stuff.
Today he referred to that conversation as me having a paddy about his drinking . So glad to see my concerns are being taken seriously! He’s gone two weeks without a drink and thinks he deserves to get drunk now-he will drink an entire bottle of his spirit of choice in the space of about 2 hours.
Having spent the 13 years we’ve been married barely drinking at all this is a new habit picked up in the last 6 months. He has an addictive personality and I’ve reached my final straw dealing with it all-so here we are, just sitting and waiting for the moment. I think it won’t be long-if he’s already craving a drink he’ll cave in the next few weeks-and when he does that’s my cue.

I seem so detached don’t I? Truth is I am...I just need the final push.

Don't be afraid to ring the police if he gets violent op.

It sounds really sensible to have an "out" OP.

You can't make anyone change, they have to want to do it themselves, and we are ultimately only responsible for our own actions.

Life is just too short to be unhappy

Why wait - leave now. The life you’re living ... tick tock .... sounds unbearable.

You're doing the right thing. I wish I'd left my alcoholic husband much earlier. I stayed for all the usual reasons - hope, co-dependency, fear, the kids. In the end I made him leave, he died and I am now happy with my two DDs. Well done for getting out.

My exH switched from a 40 a day addicted to smoking habit, to drinking spirits and just getting drunk. Addictive personalities always need a crutch

My husband is an alcoholic I'm 30 he 34 he has a good job and I have a professional job. He drinks 6 cans of strong bow a night and 1l of frosty Jack's hes fine on that. Sundays he drinks loads more and mondays he starts after got kids. Couldn't care less as I dont drink but it means we do less together and it affects his mh as then he thinks ppl are against him. He wont stop drinking. However he had a liver test done other week and it came back high. He has another one in few weeks pos has alcoholic hepatitis . I told hm if he carries on he will die and I'll cash in the life insurance....harsh yes but if your husband doesn't wanna stop drinking he wont. It's like slimming if your head ain't init what is the point in going to slimming world. Yes I'm harsh and yes I do love my husband. If u cant cope with it then leave love it's best for you and dont take his excuses of I'll quit stop ya as they never do xx

My ex DH was a nasty drunk. The rest of the time he was lovely. I gave him so many ultimatums. Finally I had to follow through and I left him. The final push was when he threatened me verbally in front of the DC.
Ever since I have been so calm and happy. Life is just too short to worry about someone else's drinking.

Not sure if life insurance will pay out for this?

Oh and my husband has been drinking this for many years been married 8.5 years and been together 12 years xx

The insurance will as we have had insurance for years and I disclosed heavy drinking on application and they also checked his records etc. So no issues on thus

No life insurance here.

I’m waiting because I need to do it properly and measured. We have DC’s. I’m not thinking of waiting years, just weeks, maybe a couple of months-because when I do it I need to be able to give solid reason and not be talked back down. After our talk a couple of weeks ago-at which I was ready to leave he did the whole promises thing-I need him to fail...for my own strength does that make sense?

I think you've taken a huge step mentally in preparing that bag. You might be closer in strength to where you're aiming than you feel right now, but you will get there.

Maybe you are right, it felt quite odd putting it together-yet in my head it seemed sensible-mostly because I suspect when that bottle comes in the house I’m going to need to grab children and get out-again I don’t fear violence however I’ll need the distance to be able to a-say what I need and b-for him to take it seriously.
Yellowwallpaper-I think the sad thing is I always thought I could live with the addictions, however actually the truth is the last one was food and that’s far easier to live with, alcohol turns him into an arrogant wanker. But I’m so fucking ground down by it all-I just have no longer got the headspace to deal with all his shit as well as the kids and work.

No feeling lv I have 2 kids its frustrating x

So he’s bought a small bottle of alcohol home and said he’s only going to have a couple . Let’s see how that plays out!

I think you already know. One small bottle today, a little extra tomorrow. Do you want to spend your days checking up on him?

So he’s finished the bottle. He’s talking openly about his addictions whilst drinking .

Thank god it’s only a 35cl bottle.

A 35cl bottle of spirits is a lot of alcohol for anyone with a normal relationship to alcohol.

Agreed pog, I am not trying to downplay it-however it’s usually a litre bottle-hence the at least it’s only a 35cl bottle.

He seems to think he’s done better because he’s only had a small bottle. He’s not has he? It’s still an issue isn’t it?

A 35 cc bottle of spirits is still a binge. So no, not an improvement at all. If he's drinking enough that stopping completely would be dangerous for him that only shows him in a worse light. You are right to plan for an imminent end to this relationship.

Is he saying he is rock bottom or is this yet another you-have-heard-it-all-before script?

Is he asleep or trying to get more alcohol now? Not that it makes any difference at all. You are looking at proof you have made the right decision. You know your cut off point, your line not to cross.
I knew a lovely man. Past drug addictions. He would reguarly drink a 70cl Vodka bottle in two hours. Sleep for two hours, talk for 6 hours, funny, witty, charming and hugely entertaining. He died before he was 40. Alcohol related.

No he’s saying the things he thinks I want to hear, that he’s working on it by reducing how much he has...he’s only doing this at all because I pointed out his drinking was a problem-he was quite happy drinking 2 bottles a weekend.

He’s not sleeping, in all honesty if you guys met him now you wouldn’t even know he’d had a drink.

If he started at 16:17 and finished that by 18:18 then that is quite an intake. I like a drink, really like a drink but there are some big differences.

1. I only have a beer after the day is done (20:00)
2. I don't drink spirits.

There's no doubt he is an alcoholic and needs to go to the doctors and or counselling immediately. The very fact you are concerned by his drinking is a strong indicator of a problem.

PS Presumably you couldn't get him to do Dry January or even attempt Dry February? It's a great way to reevaluate your relationship with alcohol.