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Original poster

Ghosting why do people do it.

28 replies

Alice0108 · 25/01/2020 20:02

Been seeing this guy for a couple of weeks. He was due to come around tonight for a cosy night in. (He didn't want to go out, he's been at work all day) we have been getting on so well met up a few times and the chemistry was really good. Messaged me saying can't wait to see you. Then suddenly 30 minutes before he was due to come over, I've been blocked. Would not of minded but he has been so eager.

OP posts:
Weetabollocks · 25/01/2020 20:03

I'm sorry, ghosting hurts Flowers

They do it because we live in a society where it is easier to gost than to say "sorry, I've changed my mind"

31133004Taff · 25/01/2020 20:07

What utterly shitty way to behave. Time to call in your sistahood 💐

Fairycake2 · 25/01/2020 20:07

I'd love to know this too. It's bad enough when you've just been talking for a few weeks and then they disappear but doing it in your situation is just cruel. So sorry this has happened to you

crustycrab · 25/01/2020 20:08

What? That's awful. So many ghosting threads tonight, sounds like everyone is at it

WellHolyGodMiley · 25/01/2020 20:11

Because they cannot face one difficult conversation. One moment of awkwardness allows you to let it go in the future but immature people who never take responsibility for anything either don't realise that or will be focussing on all of the ways you weren't good enough for them!

It's happened to me. Well, the man tried to ghost me but I ended up ringing him and I told him I was brave enough to ring and draw a line under it.

Original poster
Alice0108 · 25/01/2020 20:11

Like I said he was the one who asked about tonight and kept saying I can't wait to see you.
I know it's a common thing but I thought dating an older man might bring something different.

OP posts:
WellHolyGodMiley · 25/01/2020 20:13

In a situation like that @Alice0108 I would suspect he had if not a wife a long term partner who has reappeared or taken him back.

One man I dated, I met him on line. He was really keen the first few dates and then he suddenly announced ''I'm not single anymore, best of luck, regards'' or something like that.

WellHolyGodMiley · 25/01/2020 20:16

Older does not mean mature. I say this as a 49 year old woman. The man who love bombed me was 52 and I was 45 I think. Never has anybody behaved so shamelessly towards me.

Dating a younger man now (only 5 years) but he understands his own emotions and takes responsibility for them and always has done I think because when he has briefly referred back to old relationships it's clear to me that he walked away having learnt something about himself. The 52 year old love bomber met me on our first on line date with ''all of my x wives hate me!'' but he was charming and fun. And I wasn't wary enough.

MaeveDidIt · 25/01/2020 20:22

Because he's a little coward.

rosabug · 25/01/2020 20:42

You can phone him if you change the settings in your phone - it hides caller ID and you can then get through (I think??) or phone him on a friends phone. I'm not saying do this to find out what went on - do it to tell him you don't care it's not going anywhere but ghosting is for cowards and to stop treating people like that.

He might think twice about doing it again to anyone else. People do it because they get no come back. Embarrass the fucker. If everyone did that to ghosters the habit would perhaps die out.

I've been ghosted but never by someone I'd slept with. I'd be utterly furious.

Original poster
Alice0108 · 25/01/2020 21:01

I'm happy to accept, I've been ghosted. It's just the not knowing why, that bugs me

OP posts:
myhoodie · 25/01/2020 21:16

So sorry to hear this OP, it's just awful. Happened to me after a few weeks of seeing someone, sudden quiet, planned date didn't happen, gone. Then it happened again after two dates with another but he was weird anyway, it's just so rude.

They don't deserve the company of a nice person and the reality is that they are not good enough when that's their behaviour. These losers are in their 60s so thinking I'll treat myself to a hot younger man.

Hope you are ok OP, stay strong. Yes its the not knowing why, wondering if you've done something but it's on them not you, whatever age they are shitty little cowards.

Cherrygirl3 · 25/01/2020 22:11

I would guess as it was so sudden that he got caught by a long term partner/wife and had to block. It happened to me last year, weeks and weeks of chatting (never actually got to meet him) and then disappeared literally mid sentence. Hmm It's rarely personal, they're just cowardly assholes.

Original poster
Alice0108 · 25/01/2020 22:22

It's even more strange because we will chat all day and night till one of us fell asleep, that's why I don't think he was with anyone else

OP posts:
PumpkinP · 25/01/2020 22:36

People ghost because it’s the easy way out. Who wants to have that awkward conversation. Not nice but plenty of people do it men and women

Cherrygirl3 · 25/01/2020 22:46

@Alice0108 maybe an ex came back into his life unexpectedly? Could he have blocked you by accident? Do you communicate via Whatsapp? If so maybe he came off that....have you tried calling his number? It is weird if you were messaging so frequently.

Weetabollocks · 25/01/2020 22:49

I'm happy to accept, I've been ghosted. It's just the not knowing why, that bugs me

I hear you. But I am afraid that's part of the deal with ghosting. Sad

I'm with the people who think he could have had a partner. Maybe in the middle of separation and divorce, maybe she was away for 2 weeks, maybe he's in the area on business... maybe he's a fucked up arsehole who has been hurt in the past and wants to hurt women in revenge, maybe his genital warts started oozing and he couldn't bear to tell you that was why!

You're better than him, just you remember that xx

Misty9 · 25/01/2020 22:51

It sucks doesn't it? It's happened to me this week; a guy I've been seeing 3 weeks, we've met a few times and had sex lots of times plus cooked dinner together, been clothes shopping (!) and watched TV together. He was saying all sorts about being exclusive and future (faking). Then. Nothing. We're supposed to be meeting next week but I haven't heard anything for days. And I've deleted his number already so can't contact him. I too am stuck on the why. I'd pretty much decided it wasn't making me feel good (lack of contact between dates) but to just disappear?!

Flowers we're worth more

Pinkette06 · 25/01/2020 22:56
Flowers
Teensandfuture · 25/01/2020 22:58

Ultimately the ghosting means you are not important enough for an explanation, which most likely means either of 2 things :

Either you were nothing but a casual conversation or they have someone else, real relationship.

I've ghosted those I was chatting with from OLD but either never met at all or met once and didn't feel it.

I've been ghosted couple of times by people I've been intimate with and later found out they weren't 't single. I've made one regretting treating me like that.

bigchris · 26/01/2020 09:20

Could his wife, partner have been away and now she's back ?

Flowers
Original poster
Alice0108 · 26/01/2020 11:35

Teensandfuture how did you make him regret it?

OP posts:
othervoicesotherrooms · 26/01/2020 11:39

My first thought was 'wife found out' too.
He arranged date with you, told his wife he was going to XYZ. She found out and he had to cancel block your number because she threatened to rip his balls off.

That's what I think. Grin

user1479305498 · 26/01/2020 11:52

I think like others a lot of these idiots have partners, make a date for when partners away- partner suddenly isn’t away, chat when working away etc. They treat it as entertainment for when partners not around

CantstandmLMs · 26/01/2020 12:11

I was ghosted for the first time by someone I'd been on a couple of dates with and wasn't completely sold on. For the third he was
Supposed to be coming to me but had driving anxiety which he had told me about beforehand so I was gonna then come to him. I wasn't that keen so when he ghosted I was relieved and a little amused. He was the keen one on the dates, had even bought me a present. I'm glad my experience was one that didn't affect me so much as I wasn't sure about him and well he made it easy for me in the end! Still baffled though why someone wouldn't just say look I've been thinking and it's not for me! Rather than completely ghost someone you'd spent a lot of time (hours on the phone too all his choice) talking to!

Forget him and move on. They're not all like that. I've been in a relationship with a non-ghosting lovely guy for 7 months now.