Male - Advice needed after 5 year relationship

[ConfusedBFAfterAdvice]

Hi all,

Heres the story. Me and my GF have been dating for 5 years, all is good. At the start of the relationship, she told me she was bi, which I had no issue with at all.

Recently I've found out, through someone else, that she has been 'messing around' with her best and closest friend (female) behind my back.

Having confronted her, she insists it's all 'a bit of fun with someone shes trusts to further explore her sexuality'. Shes adamant that she still loves me and wants a future with me, but this has put it all in jeopardy

I really dont know what to make of it all, and need some advice please!

Look she's cheating on you. The fact it's with a woman is irrelevant. What would you do if she'd been messing around with another bloke?

I dont see what's complicated about it - your GF has cheated on you. If fidelity matters to you, LTB now. If she'd decided to 'explore her sexuality' with a bloke, youd presumably not be pleased - shes supposed to do that with you!

Sorry to hear this. I think she may in fact be less bi and more lesbian but that's for her to work out without shitting on her partners.

Well, she's cheating on you.

If you are OK with that, it's up to you. But I'd be ending it.

I'm bi. I don't think she should've gone behind your back, that's cheating really.

I've had boyfriends who were happy for me to have a separate female lover- they didn't see it as competition or weren't jealous about it.

But how you feel about it is for you to decide.

Issue 1) is how you feel about her going behind your back.
Issue 2) is how you feel about her having another lover, albeit of a different sex.

Best wishes xxx

It's a very heteronormative view of sex to think only a penis counts.

She did this behind your back. Deceitful.
You've been together long enough to expect honesty, especially when it comes to being faithful, which she hasn't. Makes not one bit of difference that it's her mate and that she's female. Shes minimising this, trying to make you feel like you're being unreasonable! It's up to you to decide if you're happy for her to have a lover that's your choice. But surely she needs to be honest about it ?

Your gf cant decide when equal rights apply and when the dont. If she was in a long term monogamous relationship with a woman she would want that to be viewed with the same respect as a the heterosexual equivalent, and rightly so. Same sex marriages aren't any less 'real' than traditional unions. The same goes in ths scenario. Shes cheating on you. Just because it's with a woman doesn't make it any less or any more. Its cheating, end of.
Excuse me for being naive but unless you're in an open relationship (I'm assuming this hasnt been decided between the both of you) then the only person you should be exploring your sexuality with is the other person in that relationship. Outside of that its cheating, end of. Like I said equal rights apply all of the time, not just when you gf chooses they do.