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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Being disliked at work for no reason

21 replies

LightandAiry · 25/01/2020 17:52

This has happened 3 times at work. Once 30 odd years ago woman told people behind my back "I just dont like her" last time before I had my ds 18 years ago 2 women didn't like me, one came round but the other was unpleasant and unfriendly until the day I left. Currently been in same job 3 years a colleague ignored me from the first week and rarely speaks even to say good morning and openly says "I ignore people I don't like." He has been very rude about my appearance before but apologised when I confronted him.

I am sure I am a nice enough person and I have plenty of friends at work and out of work. I find it very strange as on the rare occasions I don't like anyone I would have a reason for it.

Has anybody else had the same or felt the same? It makes me feel uncomfortable as I have to work with this person and sometimes ask him for help with work.

OP posts:
mamato3lads · 25/01/2020 18:47

Some people are just mean. In your current job apart from this one dickhead is everyone else ok with you? If its just him then ignore the twat as much as possible or report him if hes being openly offensive

You have friends outside of work so it clearly isn't you. Work is a strange dynamic where so.many different people are all thrown together and dont necessarily all get along. I've had it in past jobs where I've not been liked or I have not liked someone
That's life but being mean and nasty is not acceptable - deal with the man at work and then just accept you're not going to be liked by everyone just like I'm.sure you do not click with everyone you meet
Xx

Thingsdogetbetter · 25/01/2020 18:52

I have several people in work who don't like me. And several I don't like. That's life. We're incompatible as people. If I meet them outside work we'd simply go our separate ways. But working together forces us to stay be in close contact. As long as we're all professional and polite it's fine. You can't expect everyone you meet to like you. Or visa versa. That's not natural or realistic. Surely you've meet people you just don't get on with for no particular reason?

Thingsdogetbetter · 25/01/2020 18:55

I would say "i ignore people I don't like" colleague is rude and up his own arse though. Probably better not to have someone like that wanting to be your friend anyway! Grin

Phoenixxx · 25/01/2020 19:01

Sorry to hear this. If anyone makes any sort of comments, report it immediately to HR, nobody should have to put up with that at work. I seem to be liked by my dept which is good and i'm friendly with 1 or 2 others, but honestly I just try to keep myself to myself and distance myself, i've been bullied at work too many times and I just don't want to go through anything else.

Original poster
LightandAiry · 25/01/2020 19:06

Thanks for reples all. It's true cant be liked by everyone & sometimes it's for no reason. I just find it odd when there's no reason.

mama everyone else is ok at work. Yes he is a twat and a sexist one at that. Has been pulled up for it. He is pretty mean at times. Just odd. Things love it! "Up his own arse!"

OP posts:
Original poster
LightandAiry · 25/01/2020 19:10

phoenix sorry to hear you've been bullied at work. It's happened to me too before I had my ds. If he says anything to me again I will report it instead of confronting him myself. He can be pretty nasty.

OP posts:
misspiggy19 · 25/01/2020 19:11

You can't expect everyone you meet to like you. Or visa versa. That's not natural or realistic. Surely you've meet people you just don't get on with for no particular reason?

^This

ginandgingers92 · 25/01/2020 19:12

I feel like sometimes unexplained dislike stems from jealousy... so maybe it says more about those people than you

GoodnightJude1 · 25/01/2020 19:13

I usually find that people that ‘don’t like you’ without knowing you or without having any genuine reason not to like you....are jealous of you.

SisterAgatha · 25/01/2020 19:16

I have had this a few times. The times it has happened have always been when I was working locally in a small office environment in the small commuter town where I live. They were what I considered to be toxic environments, no opportunity for growth, everyone hated their jobs, had no passion, never wanted to do anything, bitched all day long, very unproductive places.

I moved to working in the city and I fit right in. No problems at all.

BecauseReasons · 25/01/2020 19:16

You can't expect everyone you meet to like you. Or visa versa. That's not natural or realistic. Surely you've meet people you just don't get on with for no particular reason?

No, you can't expect everyone to like you, but you can expect them to be civil, especially in a professional environment. Continue to pull him up on it every time he isn't.

Wereallsquare · 25/01/2020 19:21

I am happier knowing where I really stand with people. I like having the knowledge to protect myself from people who openly dislike me. The hypocrites are the ones you really should be concerned about. Those dangerous vipers befriend you, earn your confidence and use it against you. Be grateful to the ones who let you know they are no fans of yours.

candative · 25/01/2020 19:23

I'm a manager, sometimes I despair at how people behave in the workplace toward others. I would definitely report him to the manager in a diplomatic don't want to take this further but just so you know way as it builds up a picture of poor behaviour toward others.

I have pulled people in for fighting with or snubbing others when there has been enough to go on and had a chat about how we all have to work within a team - we don't have to be friends but we do have to be courteous to each other which means no blanking people, being rude, gossip etc. I come to work with that broad attitude and I am frustrated that others don't.

It's not you OP, the world is full of all sorts and this is not unusual in my experience- some people just seem to have poor social skills.

Stayawayfromitsmouth · 25/01/2020 19:28

I'd assume he sees you as competition for his job. Also he is socially and politically inept. Also just a twat.
Hopefully he just sticks with ignoring you politely.

OutOntheTilez · 25/01/2020 19:34

This happened to me two or three times over the years, and with men. I can’t remember other women not liking me for no reason. One guy in particular was in one of my college classes and he was a real asshole. I’d never even spoken to him before he started being rude to me, so what could I possibly have done? He was pleasant to my friend, a jerk to me. I took to either ignoring him when he was rude, or giving him withering looks and mumbling unintelligibly under my breath, which pissed him off.

I get that sometimes people just don’t click, but that’s no reason for the guy to be hostile to you, OP. What does he think your workplace is, middle school? Is he 13, trapped in a man’s body?

Hopefully he will continue to ignore you if he has nothing nice to say, but if he starts again, definitely take this up with your manager or HR in a calm, collected manner, so there’s a record.

millimollimandi · 25/01/2020 19:35

Sometimes it just happens like that - I have people I work with (loosely speaking, not closely) that I have taken an instant dislike to on first sight - however I would never make that known in any way as that would be totally unprofessional - I just keep out of their way - and I don't doubt for one second there are people who feel the same way about me. It's life.

isabellerossignol · 25/01/2020 19:39

People can be very strange. I have generally always got on well with colleagues, it had been commented on in appraisals etc (in context eg 'you're good at working with different people and staying professional even if others don't) so I'm not just imagining it. But a few years ago I was working in a job when I got a new manager, she was new to the company and I hadn't been there for very long before she came too. She ignored me from the day she arrived. As in, she wouldn't speak to me, wouldn't allow me to attend team meetings, wouldn't give me any indication as to what she expected of me, and wouldn't even confirm or refuse requests for leave. It was utterly bizarre. I had to get all my leave authorised by her boss. Needless to say I left (to a much better job anyway) but I've never understood what was going through her mind.

Original poster
LightandAiry · 25/01/2020 20:01

Thanks all.
It goes to show this sort of thing is pretty normal in a way but no excuse for nastiness which I am looking out for.

Candative thanks for advice - I did tell the line manager he was very rude on the grounds of appearance to me but apologised. Left it at that but will report any further stuff.

Tilez you hit the nails on the head my 17 year old ds is much more mature!

Isabelle Very odd....I think she was threatened by you. Brilliant you found a better job.

I suppose I like to work people out but some people are just mean I suppose.

OP posts:
snotthatfurrry · 26/01/2020 17:56

I meet people everywhere I go that seem to take an instant dislike to me. It used to bother me, but really, why would I want to know anyone like that. Just ignore OP, the world is full of nasty people. Concentrate on the amazing friends you have

Yeahnah2020 · 26/01/2020 18:11

I doubt it’s anything you are doing OP. Some people are just mean and some environments are toxic. I’m currently working in a toxic environment. I’ve worked in loads of places and the one time I was bullied has a similar feel to where I am currently.

Antibles · 26/01/2020 20:19

One in a hundred people is a sociopath. They just like being mean. Bound to come across one in the workplace from time to time. Nice, sensitive people are their natural targets. It's about them not you.

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