Broken Up With Narc Boyfriend & Need Some Reassuring Words

[callysuper]

Just that really. Been a couple of weeks since I finally ended things with my boyfriend - more details on this thread about his behaviour:

Is It In My Head? www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3786727-is-it-in-my-head

I absolutely know it's the right thing. Since it happened I remembered more and more terrible things he'd done and said, plus I also spoke to an ex of his who confirmed he did the same to her, plus I've spoken to friends about him/it and not one has offered anything but words of confirmation that I made the right move....and yet I still feel so awful. I often feel sad that it's over and have to work hard to remember the shitty stuff he did to override the good memories; I worry about being lonely and missing him; I feel insanely frustrated that he doesn't 'get it' (he repeatedly denied his behaviour) and keep thinking 'if only I could get it to sink in and for him to see how mean he was'...all of this I know is ridiculous, yet still can't shake. Why?! What is it that makes me sad when really I should be relieved it's over?

I've spoken to friends and family about it but I worry about blithering on about the same thing. But then I also find it hard just to put it out of my head. Is there anyone on here who's been through anything similar to this and can offer any words of advice or encouragement? In every other aspect of my life I'm no pushover, and yet this entire experience has exhausted me and turned me into an emotional wreck! Help!!

X

I could have written this myself. It's shite and makes no sense

@Delbelleber oh no, I'm so sorry. It's the worst, isn't it? I have good moments but also moments of total confusion and loss and panic.

I hate that he doesn't understand how awful his behaviour is at times and turns it round to blame me. And I miss him even though I'm infuriated by him.

Don't kid yourself-They understand fine how awful their behaviour is. They just don't care.

I daresay a lot of it was even deliberate. A means to some dastardly ends. Just remember they aren't like you or I: they don't have empathy.

You have done the right thing! I found what helped me was to watch lotsod YouTube videos on NPD. Also - dancing! Whenever you are sad, dance. Angry? Dance. Want to contact the decker? Dance. Dance until you are too tired to do anything else.

*lots of
*fecker

But yeah don't keep telling yourself that 'they don't understand how hurtful their behaviour is' shite. That's what they've gaslighted you into thinking. They get it. They just don't care.

You're right pinkbonbon

@Pinkbonbon dancing is a great lifter - see also singling really really loudly. And badly. Yeah, I don't buy the 'don't understand' thing - mine has been repeatedly told by different women. It's just easier for him to say he doesn't. The bellend.

They think if they say they don't get it or give you the blank/wtf stare, you will think you are overreacting/imagining things ect. It's all part of gaslighting. Horrible bastards. Good riddance to them!