Feelings for work colleague

[Watershed1]

I'm worried I'm in a very difficult situation. I have become aware, over the last two months or so that I am beginning to develop strong feelings for one of my colleagues. He's mid 40's, I'm mid 30's. We've been friends for over 3 years, on a purely platonic level. He's with a long-term partner, 3 kids. I'm married, with 2 kids. I have no intention of acting on my feelings but what's made things more complicated is that I think he's started to feel the same way too...….his behaviour has changed, if I speak to him he lights up and spends the rest of the day on cloud nine, if I'm blunt or quiet with him (for example if I'm tired,) he'll react badly to it. He'll find excuses to come and talk to me in the office. Whereas before, we'd be quite robust with one another and say jokey things, he's now being as nice as pie. He makes passes all the time, flirty comments and remarks.

This man been very supportive of me over the years, when things have been rocky, he's been a true friend. He was one of the people I texted when I gave birth to my second son, to tell people that he had arrived safely. I'm pretty sure he's happy in his relationship, he talks about his partner all the time. But I do think we care deeply for one another. The problem is, I don't want it to affect our friendship. I feel a bit awkward around him at the moment, and I don't know how to react or what to do. I am struggling to override these feelings I have for him, and to be honest, the way I feel does scare me slightly.

We work in the same office, so we see one another all the time although, because we're a big Team, it is possible to hide amongst other people a bit! Has anyone else been in this scenario? Thoughts and advice please!

Its time to get another job op unless you want an affair

I can't offer advIce other than how much I'd want to get rid of my partner if this was him at work. I guess it sounds like an emotional affair between you two? I'd say it's already affected your friendship because it's already gone too far in my opinion.

Reciprocated feelings that that have deepened and escalated, plus flirting. You are already having an Emotional Affair.

If you value your marriage, you need to look for another job. How would you feel if your husband shared strong feelings with another woman?

I have no intention of acting on my feelings

Said literally almost every woman who has ended up in an affair with a work colleague.

Skip ahead 12 months. You have slept together (it just happened). You want more, he says he does too. You’ve turned away from your husband. His partner finds out, all hell breaks loose. He realises he wants to stay with his partner.

And you have to keep going to work.

My advice? Stop it stone dead right now. Save all of you a whole world of pain.

You’re playing with fire and will very quickly get burned unless you put measures in place. Would you consider looking for another job?

You shouldn’t have to look for another job, but you do need to start setting boundaries for yourself as much as him. Maybe when he comes to chat turn the conversation to something about your husband and children and what you did the night before. But you also need to have a good think as to why you are feeling this way and if something needs dealing with in your own relationship as well

You have written many details about you, your colleague, and all the intense feelings. Where does your husband fit in here? You didn’t even mention him.

You need to distance yourself from this man ASAP. Focus your emotional energy on your marriage. Envision shattering the lives of your family.

Currently in this situation.

Mourning the loss of my happy, fun platonic friendship! Along with having to deal with what feels like the beginnings of the end of my marriage.

It's irrelevant whether he reciprocates you're feelings or not. (Not to be harsh, but you can send yourself crazy over this - I know) The fact is, you have acknowledged you have feelings.
So you need to reinstate some boundaries. All the more important because you work together, and unless you want to be the fuel of the office gossip, or worse risk your job, it needs to be done.

If you don't need to talk to each other, don't. It sounds like you have worked together for a long time, so you should be familiar with the 'routine' between the pair of you. The times you're likely to bump into him, the moments that facilitate the relationship between you. For example if you know you're likely to see him in the kitchen at whatever time, make yourself scarce! Just put a stop to any unnecessary interactions between you both. Keep it professional but friendly.

My 'friend' always picks up when I'm acting distantly, and will give me a good dose of emotion al blackmail, no doubt in the hope I will continue to stroke his ego. The key is, you don't owe him an explanation. As long as you are confident that you are remaining professional, then he doesn't have a foot to stand on.

I miss my friend dreadfully. Just like you, he has always been there. But something has changed, and we're both more distant than we were. Possibly because without ever acknowledging it, we were having one too many 'moments', and though I feel incredibly strongly about him, and I could quite easily head dive down that slippery slope, I can't go down that road on top of what else is going on in my life.

I'm not sure how people come to the conclusion of 'emotional affair'. It almost feels like males and females, cannot have close friendships with that label being thrown around. But yes I can obviously now vouch for feelings developing for a friend.