To just give up

[EmergencyChangeName]

Hi,

Long story short, not had sex since daughter was conceived. Shes 2 1/2 now. Feel worthless ugly and old. I'm 38 year old and feel like sex is something that happens to other people. Can't leave as I don't really have anywhere to go and can't leave the kids. Can't cheat as it's not worth risking getting caught and to be honest who the hell with?
Just feel cheated out of something pretty basic but important in life. Could wait until the children are self reliant to escape I suppose but that would just leave me as a fat single 50 something year old alone.
Is this it now? All I do is work and sleep wash the pots repeat. If I had known what a boring sexless relationship this would be I'd have ran a fucking mile. But kids happened and I'm trapped. Feel robbed. Lived on my own for six months in a cold dingy flat prior to this, barely spoke to another human in that time but still felt less alone. Cant even fantasize about suicide with kids to worry about.

Ugh sorry about the semi coherent waffling rant. I'm just done.

Silly question: have you tried to have sex?

Yeah usually get the reply "no fuck off" or "what you doing? Eugh"

Have you tried talking about this together? How is everything else in the relationship? Is it worth couples counselling? I know I couldn't survive in a sexless relationship (been there and left) but I do regret not getting couples counselling to see if we could fix our relationship

Have you tried talking about why your not having sex? Sounds like that may not be the only issue going on, sex is usually one of the first things affected if there are other problems going on. Definitely second the counselling recommendation, if he is unwilling then go and make yourself Happy on your own! Your kids will thank you for it - happy mum happy kids!

Thanks for replies.
Leaving just seems like such a leap. Not really anywhere to go. And really dont want to be a part time parent. Should do something really and talk about it, but after all this time it's just so hard. And I dont think it will have any lasting effects. Feels like the window of opportunity to enjoy a basic biological need is slamming shut if that makes sense?

You definitely need to talk about it, it’s such an important part of a relationship. We didn’t have sex for the second part of my pregnancy for health reasons and even for that short time it’s amazing how it effects your self esteem etc. You shouldn’t be feeling undesirable or unwanted in your relationship. Does he show affection in other ways?

I think this is the he, not the she.

How are you feeling? Did you manage a chat?

You need to urgently get some support OP. You sound suicidal and depressed. Please make an appointment with your GP as soon as you can. If you can afford it then look into getting some counselling perhaps try BACP

Try this NHS Self Assessment to evaluate your mental health. There's other useful info on the page for further help and support.

Perhaps once you are feeling a bit better, because depression sucks the life and joy out of everything, you can reevaluate your relationship. You're 38 and acting as though you're 88. You're young and have so much ahead of you.

Have you even a little clue as to why your partner doesn't want sex with you? Have they said anything? I don't believe this is in a vacuum.

You are able to tell us at length how miserable you are, but you say it is too hard to speak to your partner? I think nothing will change unless you make an effort to do the hard thing.

Was going to ask if you've talked about it or tried to have sex but...

Yeah usually get the reply "no fuck off" or "what you doing? Eugh"

WTF is that? Is he for real? "Fuck off"?? "Eugh"??????
What are you gross to him now or what? What the actual heck? That doesn't sound good at all.

Please seek help with this. Not a normal response.