Suspicions

[supersop60]

Five years ago my DP had an emotional affair with the mother of a child he was tutoring. I posted on here about it.
We had one counselling session, and DP thought that was enough. Apart from the initial rows when it came to light, we've never really discussed it properly, which is largely my fault, because I was a coward about bringing it up.
I don't think I've really got over it, and I am occasionally triggered.
Like this evening.
My daughter is looking for recommendations for a driving instructor, and told me she'd found one that DP had recommended. This instructor lives in the same village that the OW lives in.
How did he even know about this instructor? I've been looking up people in our town and nearby, which seems logical to me.
My suspicions are that he's still in contact with OW and she's told him about this instructor (may even have taught her own DS)
What do I do now? If I'm wrong, I'll feel a fool. If I'm right, what then?

I think AF is right, OP.

He's very very confident that you won't call him out on his behaviour and that he'll be able to shut you down if you question him. I presume with reason. So he's pretty blatant. He'll go running where he went running with her (probably still with her) and you're supposed to be OK with that. Probably he says you're controlling or won't let it go or somesuch if you do bring it up?

He's done a line on you. They were physical and it's going on is my guess.

Massive band hold, you need to start digging. Or ask to see his phone. His reaction will tell you.

and I THINK, has done a concert at her house

You think? Do you not free you should be demanding to know if he's still in contact with this woman?

He should be grovelling to you, you shouldn't be wondering if he's still seeing her!

*do you not feel

What a shit way to live, marriage shouldn't be like this.

OP I hope you find a way to regain your sense of self-worth. I remember your original thread and your sense that you weren’t attractive and he was, and your sense of inevitability that he would find an OW.

If you can’t bring yourself either to confront him, or leave him, please start to carve out a fulfilling life for yourself which doesn’t rely on your (unfaithful) husband’s evaluation of you.

Find things you enjoy doing and do them. Build a life that doesn’t depend on being married to this man.

all the very best to you, you always sounded so lovely in your original thread.

Thanks Dolorabelle. I'm not sure that's what I said in my original thread. I don't think he's more attractive than me, or thought it inevitable that he'd cheat.
I do have a good life - friends and activities that I really enjoy. DP is now like a housemate, and that's about it.

He hasn't cut contact with her and is very likely still having his EA.
He doesn't feel sorry.
He doesn't make any effort to be open.
Pretty damning.

You and your H live like housemates. He was not remorseful for the affair and has dismissed efforts to restore your trust and safeguard his fidelity. He has blocked transparency, a huge breach in affair recovery.

OP, he is obviously still involved with OW and traveling to her area. Now he is involving your DD by setting her up with a driving instructor from OW’s village, a person likely suggested by OW. Will H be driving her over for the lessons?

Are you going to tolerate his continued blatant disrespect? Is this the relationship model that you want your daughter to emulate?