Think DP is going to end it on our anniversary weekend away

[Aryaneedle]

Going away tomorrow (actual 2nd anniversary tomorrow too). We live together. Pretty certain I'm going to get 'the talk'.

He has been distant ish since Christmas but the past few days have been really weird. Culminating in a massive argument last night (he went to bed before me because my DD was playing up and when I went to get in our bed he had strewn a big pile of clean laundry across my side. I said that seemed very passive aggressive and he shouted at me and slept on the sofa. I've sent him a link about complex trauma today to explain why I can be a bit odd in relationships (sexually abused since 5, was raped when I was 11 and was in a very violent marriage) and he basically replied with thanks for the info but I still don't know how I should have responded to the passive aggressive comment .

Tonight he is barely looking me in the eye and keeps going into our bedroom and is on his phone (gut feeling to his ex, probably moaning about me).

I don't know what to do.

I'm so sorry things are tough... hopefully everything is ok

I think I'd get in first. Say you don't want to be with someone who treats you with such disdain and won't even talk to you about whatever issues they have. He either tells you what's going on or leaves

Feel like such a dickhead because I've bought him some meaningful presents and a card with a collage of pictures of us on it from happy times and I actually feel like I can't give him them tomorrow now.

Oooh my dcs are here tonight so I'm going to have to wait until they've gone tomorrow but there's no point in driving 4 hours to a remote log cabin to be dumped is there?

Why do you think hes in touch with his ex???

Also dont accept rude behaviour but dont always expect him to understand yours either.

I'm really sorry for your past traumas.

Why dont you try and maybe say you're looking forward to going away with him to gauge his reaction?

Is there any chance he may want to make a proposal and is nervous? Might not be negative!!!

No way it's a proposal.

Him and his ex are friends. They were together for 13 years. Since he was 17. She's a lot older than him and had a fair amount of power.

He has not hugged or touched me once tonight so something going on. That's it for me and relationships if he does end. Not going through this again.

Could it be someone else other than his ex if he keeps disappearing with his phone and being distant?

Don't go to the log cabin.

Do you have children together?

Is he living in your own house or is his name on the tenancy/deeds?

Obviously do not go to that log cabin.

Don't go away, it will be awful. Even if he left it until getting home, you'd be on tenterhooks all weekend waiting for him to drop the bomb.

I assume you have childcare planned for DD so this weekend seems like a good time to have a cards on the table talk.

Maybe he just can't deal with the effects of your past trauma. As you said, it's complex and not everyone is equipped to deal with it in a relationship.

Tbh the comment you made to him about being passive aggressive comment was never going to be well received or have a positive outcome. I'm not saying it wasn't a PA thing to do...but he was clearly already in a bad mood with your DD playing up.

Do you think this weekend is a make or break thing for him rather than a ''break up'' announcement? Meaning that this weekend represents to him the two of you getting away from triggering problems/issues, and just spending a bit of quality time together without all the other goings-on?

Maybe he just can't deal with the effects of your past trauma. As you said, it's complex and not everyone is equipped to deal with it in a relationship.

Tbh the comment you made to him about being passive aggressive comment was never going to be well received or have a positive outcome.

I agree with this OP.. not everyone would know how to respond to that information about your past trauma... or even what to say

Think you've nailed it on the head bumble and I've never been sure he's over his ex anyway.

Gave him his presents and the collage card. Got a big fat nothing from him. He's definitely not feeling it but I can tell he feels bad.

Definitely been in contact with his ex and he opened his Whatsapp this morning when I was sat next to him and she's the top of his list.

Do not go to a remote lodge with him. Have you children together?

What have you decided to do? Have you got childcare for this weekend?

No, Peru wasn't avoiding questions. No children together. I've got 3dc he has got none.

Yes, the youngest two dcs are going at 5pm. Eldest dc staying home with his gf.

I just told him I don't want to go with him and that I feel like something's changed and that he doesn't love me and he has got angry. Said I need to think about what I want to do and has gone downstairs. I wondered out loud if he couldn't deal with my past trauma and he said I can't deal with it. Maybe he's right.

*sorry, not Peru

OP, stay at home and try to enjoy the peace... he sounds like very hard work.. let his ex have him.. you relax and be kind to yourself..

How are you doing OP?

Chatting to his ex on WhatsApp?! I’d be nipping that in the bud right now!

Can you get hold of his phone at all?

Let him go he sounds like a douche

You don’t need someone with that kind of mentality in your lives

How are you op?

Hope you are ok op.

He sounds like an idiot. Life is too short to be unhappy. X