Am I depressed or is this 'normal' for loneliness?

[SquareSilkScarf]

I'm 32 and I've never had a relationship. I feel terribly lonely and I'm worrying myself because leaving the house is getting worse and worse. I hate going to the supermarket or into the city centre because I feel like all I see are couples and families. I hate going to church because all I see are wedding notices and flowers. I don't even want to socialise with colleagues any more because I'm so ashamed of answering anyone when they say 'Are you seeing anyone?' And even worse, my friends have stopped asking me.

I am beginning to think that I might be depressed, but the thought of going to the GP and saying 'I'm so depressed because I don't have a boyfriend' sounds so childish and ungrateful when people have serious health problems.

What you're experiencing is anxiety. And it is talking to your GP about.

Do get help from your GP, you have many years left to pair up or not as you choose

Why do you think you’ve never had a relationship? You have friends, so you must have some social life? Have you tried online dating?

Do you socialise through your church? That could be a great way to meet people.

I never put myself out there when I was in my late teens/early twenties... the whole get drunk and go home with someone thing never appealed to me, and I just thought I'd meet someone naturally.

And I will admit it, I've built up the whole 'first kiss' thing into something huge, so I am really worried about it all. OLD was horrible. It just knocked me down again and again.

I did feel like I wasn't 'well' but I still can't imagine talking to my GP about this What do I need to say?!

Do you socialise through your church? That could be a great way to meet people.

Sort of- I help with the coffee morning and Sunday school, but it's all families and elderly people. There are very few single young people. They tend to come back when they want to get married.

Perhaps find a different church? Lots of churches have very vibrant young communities with great opportunities for socialisation. Or can you go on organised Christian singles weekends? There must be dedicated dating sites for Christians too.

I think you should defo go to see your gp. You don’t need to word it like that just explain the anxiety you’re feeling in general. Have you never had a relationship by choice or just never really liked anyone?
You don’t need to be in a relationship to feel happy or to stop feeling lonely. You say you have friends so maybe socialise with them more. Or is it loneliness from wanting a partner?

But I think it’s important to not just focus on finding a partner. Make new friends, involve yourself in stuff where you will meet likeminded people of a similar age and just see where it takes you. It doesn’t have to be a church thing, it could be volunteering, a new sport or hobby, the Territorial Army or police specials, anything really.

I have looked into a different church or youth branches, but embarrassingly I seem to be too old now! A lot of them seem very, very young (like 18). I'm also not particularly devout/traditional apart from going on a Sunday. I seem to be too religious on one hand but not religious enough on the other.

I do have friends in two separate groups but we have a sort of understanding that we all meet together, or not at all, and they're all so busy with their own families and partners. I would like to see more of them too, but I do really want a partner most of all.

This isn't depression you are just deeply dissatisfied by your lack of a family life. We aren't meant to be alone; yes some people enjoy being single but we are predisposed to wanting a partner and/or children or our own. When you are in pain it means you need to take action. If your hand is burning you take it off the stove. If being single is making you miserable, you need to find a partner. Obviously it's easier not to touch hot stoves than to find your life partner, but both require action. If you don't take that action now you may never do it. You avoiding situations is the beginning of you becoming increasingly withdrawn from the world, these are the warning signs to take some action.

I agree with Amazing but you need to stop isolating yourself in order for anything positive to happen. Happiness won’t come to you, you have to get out and find it. What sort of job do you have? And what sort of interests?

I do feel very isolated. I try be to be active and smile but again and again nothing has seemed to work. The only new person who has 'liked' me on Bumble today has a profile which says 'I've only been arrested twice'

I'm an accountant.... nothing interesting ever starts with that sentence!

I go to the gym three times a week, which I really love. It keeps me going.

Try online dating through a Christian website. My friend did that and found a partner very quickly.

How about trying a dating site that's Tailored for professional people ? Some run events ? I'd either go to the GP re the anxiety that's putting you off going out or see a therapist. Good luck 💐

What's your online dating profile like?
Treat it like selling on Ebay - good pics that cover all the bases, write something to sell yourself, don't list your cons or insult the buyer or complain about the sales process. 😉 1st pic needs to be good - lots of men will swipe based on that pic.

It does sound like elements of depression but nothing some evenings out or dating couldn't change.
I agree with pp who suggested Christian singles sites. If your faith is strong enough to attend church weekly you will find like minded people.
If you're going to the gym and looking after your physical self then keep it up, it's great for mental health which will keep you in a good place when meeting new people.

Hi
You need to explain that you feel unable to leave the house, your suffering with anxiety/depression.

You never find what your looking for when your actively looking . you like the gym try other activities join a walking group cycling volunteer groups local park group . weekend away drystone walling evening class . you know its not good for you staying in do something you like a change of routine something different .
Your GP will do very little and probably just give you pills which are not going to change anything only you can

Do your friends have any single friends you could meet up with?