tomorrow's going to be hard, and I feel like screaming already

[forgodsakeeliza]

Tomorrow I am meeting my ex to collect my (valuable) possessions, which he has been reluctant to give back for reasons unknown.

We broke up in October last year, and he immediately wanted to post my stuff back to me. After me basically begging him not to make things more uncomfortable and trying to reduce drama, he said he would meet me to give it back (when he "felt ready").

Hot and cold behavior ensued (e.g. one day having an 8 hour phone conversation and then the next few days him ignoring my texts or being very vacant in them), and I finally went NC in November. At that point, he sent continuous texts about returning my stuff interlaced with my pet name and trying to be very nice (he wasn't very nice usually).

I broke NC in Dec and we slept together and have been in contact since. It feels wrong - almost dirty - to have to be so nice to him, but for the reasons we split, I know I have to "keep him sweet" in order to avoid confrontation and a further delay of my things being given back.

The contact has dried up a bit on his half since I've pushed to arrange to meet. I gave him several options: post them, my friend could come get them, send a courier and I will pay, or he could drop them off. He eventually said he wanted to meet. Fine. At this point, I'm passed caring.

He's like a kid when things have to be done. Conversation was flowing and fine until I asked to arrange this - now it's like he's holding a toy he doesn't want to share. He's leaving me on read on Whatsapp a lot and saying "sorry I am so busy I don't have time to reply yet". Fair enough. He's asked me if I'm still okay to meet tomorrow. FFS yes, let's just get this over with.

I don't know what I feel to be honest - mostly exhausted. I am back in a depression - not because I miss him, but because I feel dread knowing I ever told him anything or we even met at all. I feel sick.

I don't think I can face him for his "final discard" or some attempt at reconciliation which is what I think is coming. But, on the other hand I want closure, and I do want my stuff back.

For context, this guy is a real loser. Extremely shy and awkward, basically asexual. I highly doubt there's someone else on the scene (but, you never know).

Any advice on how to remain dignified when meeting him?

So far, I have been "nicey nicey" listening to him bleat on and on about how depressed he is, how sad he was that we broke up, how he's the one suffering - and him never asking about me.

I feel like screaming.

Will telling him he's hurt me be pointless?

I agree that having a friend with you would be helpful, for moral support. Keep communication to a minimum, count to 10 before you answer anything he asks you and get out as soon as you can.

I'm not hooked on the drama, I am full of anxiety thinking about it.

He's not a normal person, he makes things as difficult as possible.

I am intelligent and mindful most of the time but he ties knots around me with the things he says, leaving me like "what just happened". He convinced me I was in the wrong for asking him where he was when we arranged meeting up in the relationship.

I know it sounds dramatic, and ridiculous.

Before Christmas i probably would have still be caught up on him, but now, all I want is to get the stuff and block as everyone says here.

I just needed advice on how to keep my cool with someone who is emotionally manipulative

You’ve had the advice multiple times over: don’t go alone.

He can manipulate you, but I doubt anyone you bring will fall for it. And it will be much harder for him to refuse to hand over the stuff with someone else there.

He's not a normal person, he makes things as difficult as possible.

Do not go ALONE

Oh, OP, it looks like you (or at least your conscious brain) are the only one who doesn't see where this is going. Bear in mind he is your drug - you are addicted to him. Otherwise this would be done and dusted by now:

Act One
Addict: You have my stuff
Dealer: Oh, yeah, come and get it.
Addict: Yeah, great, I'll come alone, fully expecting you to do nothing related to my addiction. No drugs just lying around. No shooting me up whether I know it or not. Just picking up my stuff.
Dealer: [distracted] aye, whatever.

Act Two
Addict: [Wakes up in drug den, track marks on arms] Oh, how did this happen! I still don't have my stuff! And I've taken the drug!

Act Three
Addict: You have my stuff
Dealer: Oh, yeah, come and get it.
Addict: Yeah, great, I'll come alone, fully expecting you to do nothing related to my addiction. No drugs just lying around. No shooting me up whether I know it or not. Just picking up my stuff.
Dealer: [distracted] aye, whatever.

You have to stop this - and only you can do it. Sometimes there is a price to pay for hard lessons learned through experience. But it is far less than the price to pay for lessons NOT learned in spite of experience

I just needed advice on how to keep my cool with someone who is emotionally manipulative

Obviously DO NOT GO ALONE

If you want things to turn out the same, keep doing the same thing

Sounds like a lot of drama on both sides. Sounds like you were both giving mixed messages.

Go with a friend and pick the stuff up then block him and make sure you don't accidentally sleep with him again.

I’m sorry to say this but you’re being very weird. Read back what you wrote. You slept with him to make sure you got your stuff back? You are not normal and you need therapy. Stop being strange and draw a line under this. Tell him to post your mums ring and tell work the laptop has been lost. You sound like a cling on. Clinging on to the drama.

How did it go OP?

I'd rather ring the police and report him for not giving your stuff back.
Your work laptop is the FIRST item you should list - as that has security and GDPR related issues.
Tell the police about his abusive behavior, the co-coercion to have sex in exchange for your stuff - which he then again refused to hand over.

You will NOT win with him.
The fact that you slept with him as a means of 'keeping him sweet' in the hope of getting your stuff back should tell you how ill equipped you are to deal with this on your own.

I hope you got your things and can now work on putting him behind you. Tbh it seems like both if you used him having your stuff as an excuse to remain in contact. Hopefully getting your stuff can put an end to it.