Anxiety over breakup gossip

[marmite92]

I broke up with my ex a couple months ago, and we used to work in the same place so know a lot of mutual people. We were living together and very serious so it's been a hard time but for the right reasons.

There's a very gossipy person who works there who is telling people why we split up, but it's not even the truth. It's not a huge reason it's just a stupid thing that isn't true that she's saying I said which I didn't, I simply said we've split up because we are different people and she's twisted it. I have dreadful anxiety and ocd and things like this send me into a spiral of catastrophising. Please can someone reassure me this won't be gossip forever and people will eventually get bored?

You need to confront her, tell her it's got back to you and you'd appreciate her minding her own business as breakups are tough enough without someone spreading lies.

Soon enough something else will be the subject of office gossip, but I think for your own confidence you should confront her.

I'd also ask why your breakup is of such interest to her.

Sorry you have had to go through this. It will get better in time x

Thank you, I will confront her although things like that make me nervous too. I really hope there will be a new office gossip soon as it's been awful, I've got so much stress in my life as both my parents are terminally ill at the moment too and I'm only in my 20s.

I feel like people will be talking about this for months. I'd made some comments about our break up to another person who I trust, nothing really bad just that we didn't get along in the end and we argued a lot but now I'm worried that'll get out and get back to my ex, even though it's not that bad and doesn't paint me in the best light either, I've never once put all the blame on him it was both of us and I've kept the details private only to a few close friends. Anxiety is just wreaking havoc in my life at the moment x

I wouldn't confront her. It'll just get blown up further and twisted more, and you really don't want the potential friction.

Just adopt a look of surprise and "oh really, is that what you've heard?!" and laugh, if it comes up.

Look, it's next week's chip-paper - no-one cares. Your colleagues really don't give a shit, it's all just so much babble. And it really doesn't matter a jot what they think anyway.

If these kind of things make you nervous, then all the more reason to confront her. Feel the fear and do it anyway. You will be proud of yourself for standing up to her.

She probably thinks you don't have the confidence to confront her

Please go straight to your Line Manager who in turn, will take it higher.
I had this with an ex bf. We worked together, went through some difficult times and the gossip was rife.
There were so many rumours we couldn’t keep up with them all and were extremely hard to stop.
I told my line manager who passed details to the boss. She spoke to the people concerned, who were warned, if they were caught gossiping again, they would be fired.
It did the trick.
Hope you are able to put an end to this. I found it very distracting and unpleasant.

why is it any of her business ?

Oh, and have a trusted colleague with you when you do it so she can't twist what you say to make her the victim

Confronting someone may exacerbate the problem and add to the problem. Especially if the person concerned may be aggressive.

Thanks everyone, i work remotely at the moment and will be leaving soon so I may be able to avoid it all, although I will be seeing her next week. I'm just hoping it all quietly goes away, do you think that's realistic?

Yes. No-one cares.

Och, truly, it's nowt to worry about.

If anyone says anything, just laugh and go, 'you what??? Madness!' then humph and move on.

People will care as much as you do. Or, rather, as much as you show you do.

Thanks everyone, I know it sounds dramatic but it's because we got married last year and split up several months later and so it feels like a big deal to me, that's why I'm extra sensitive and I've got so much going on at home. Thank you it does help to hear people don't care nearly as much as I think they do

I'm sorry about your marriage ending, OP.

People are mostly interested in themselves and their own lives - they won't be giving it much thought at all.

Thanks @category12 yes I suppose they are, hence why I'm obsessing about my own life! Just feels like another thing to worry about on top of everything but I hope it'll pass soon and I can truely start a fresh

You can either just say oh that's what you heard and laugh like somone else put or confront whoa spreading gossip and ask them to stop or go to your manager about it. Gossip does die down but can be hurtful and stressful and you shouldn't do nothing if its affecting you badly. Unfortunately on these situations people will always gossip and be nosey. Good luck and so sorry about your marriage things will get better in time xxx